...I had you worried there for a minute, didn't I? The Bachelor, Billboard music, Target: next I'm going to exhault the virtues of Olive Garden and Rob Thomas.
No!
Here's a nifty (and Indie) film series I discovered with Jason:
Burn to Shine is a film-making crew that goes city to city looking for houses scheduled to be demolished. A local musician rallies his/her troops, and the bands have one hour to set up, record a song live on DVD, and get out. At the end of the day, the house goes up in smoke.
I bought the Portland one and it's really good. I'd like to go back for the DC edition (ahem ahem, X-mas pressie...) if they still have it at Sound Exchange.
Other non-conformist recommendations:
An Inconvenient Truth
Hiroshi Sugimoto
Stephin Merritt, have you LOST YOUR MIND???
Buy my friend Jillian's stuff.
TFA on NBC and in Fortune Magazine!!! (Cue Evita, "And the Money Kept Rolling In...")
Monday, December 04, 2006
Pop Pop Pop Music
Uhhh... in the absence of "The Bachelor" I'm watching the Billboard Music Awards, and I'm having some difficulty figuring out the dress code.
+ the music is really horrible.
But, anyway.
What would you like to hear about?
My trip to the dentist?
Dr. Carol Alvarado (the dentist; not the city councilwoman) is very nice, and said many flattering things about my teeth, and spent at least 30 minutes examining them in detail, which is more than can be said for **the last dentist I visited.
She unfortunately falls into the multi-visit dental trend of "let's pump you full of X-rays today and clean you tomorrow," but given that she gave me an actual examination, I don't mind so much.
I have some seriously enviable teefs, yo. Thank you awkward adolescence, Dr. Cina, Mom and Dad.
Ok, you are sick of teeth.
Let's talk about Target!!!!
Dear Target,
I think you're swell.
I love your rotating line of international fashion in affordable, accessible styles.
I love your good-smelling, sexy-bottled cleaning products.
I think "wine in a cube" is really funny.
& you have the best Morningstar selection in town.
Do you remember 1997 when I worked at Wal-Mart and you lived next door, sort of an awkward little brother? I don't miss those days at all. I think, frankly, age has been good to both of us. You made friends with Isaac Mizrahi, I got a college education, and neither one of us wound up in a long-term relationship with Rob from Electronics. Yay!
I know you get lots of love, and here's some more.
Your friend (forever),
Mary
**Just look at that superfluous cleavage! Good citizens of Houston, don't let this man near your teeth.
+ the music is really horrible.
But, anyway.
What would you like to hear about?
My trip to the dentist?
Dr. Carol Alvarado (the dentist; not the city councilwoman) is very nice, and said many flattering things about my teeth, and spent at least 30 minutes examining them in detail, which is more than can be said for **the last dentist I visited.
She unfortunately falls into the multi-visit dental trend of "let's pump you full of X-rays today and clean you tomorrow," but given that she gave me an actual examination, I don't mind so much.
I have some seriously enviable teefs, yo. Thank you awkward adolescence, Dr. Cina, Mom and Dad.
Ok, you are sick of teeth.
Let's talk about Target!!!!
Dear Target,
I think you're swell.
I love your rotating line of international fashion in affordable, accessible styles.
I love your good-smelling, sexy-bottled cleaning products.
I think "wine in a cube" is really funny.
& you have the best Morningstar selection in town.
Do you remember 1997 when I worked at Wal-Mart and you lived next door, sort of an awkward little brother? I don't miss those days at all. I think, frankly, age has been good to both of us. You made friends with Isaac Mizrahi, I got a college education, and neither one of us wound up in a long-term relationship with Rob from Electronics. Yay!
I know you get lots of love, and here's some more.
Your friend (forever),
Mary
**Just look at that superfluous cleavage! Good citizens of Houston, don't let this man near your teeth.
Monday, November 27, 2006
Songs about Weather
in particular, the ones looking to nature's elements as the cause of misery and woe.
I came up with:
1. Both Sides Now, Joni Mitchell
"But now [clouds] only block the sun
They rain and snow on evryone
So many things I would have done
But clouds got in my way"
2. Season of the Shark, Yo La Tengo
"Some things go wrong
Sink so low you even blame the sun
You blame it as the cause
Of the shadows on the wall"
3. Blame it On the Rain, Milli Vanilli
(I feel no real urge to link to or justify this one.)
What else?
It's not that I mind the five hour drive back to Houston so much (except that I inevitably wish I were going the other direction), I just wish it would not rain. For once. Ahem, CLOUDS.
I came up with:
1. Both Sides Now, Joni Mitchell
"But now [clouds] only block the sun
They rain and snow on evryone
So many things I would have done
But clouds got in my way"
2. Season of the Shark, Yo La Tengo
"Some things go wrong
Sink so low you even blame the sun
You blame it as the cause
Of the shadows on the wall"
3. Blame it On the Rain, Milli Vanilli
(I feel no real urge to link to or justify this one.)
What else?
It's not that I mind the five hour drive back to Houston so much (except that I inevitably wish I were going the other direction), I just wish it would not rain. For once. Ahem, CLOUDS.
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Christmas Challenge!
Ok, gang, this is going to sound slightly absurd, but hear me out:
In my junior year of high school, my chorus teacher had the chamber singer group sing an acapella (no piano) song called "Wassail" for the Christmas concert. I realize there are several wassail variations out there, and after some study I have deducted that it was--I think--a version known as the "Gloucestershire Wassail."
That damn song haunts me to this day. I am looking for a nice recording of it. By "nice," I mean something you might hear in a church sung in classical, seven part harmony. And by "church," I mean MY church growing up, with a volunteer but very well-practiced and well-tuned choir.
I am not interested in some guy (or girl) with an acoustic guitar, or, god forbid, the Manheimer Steamroller (?) version. No individual voices, either; the beauty is in the group effort.
Here is what it is NOT:
-it is not "Here we come a wassailing among the leaves so green..."
-it is not, Mom, the Kentucky version on Wassail! Wassail!, although that is a lovely song, too.
It most definitely contains the repeated line: "With the WAAAAAAsail BOOOOOOOOWL we'll drink to thee...." (because that was my favorite, belty, music-swelly part).
Bonus points to the person who finds it & posts it online where we can all download and sing along.
Merry early Xmas, and happy wassailing.
In my junior year of high school, my chorus teacher had the chamber singer group sing an acapella (no piano) song called "Wassail" for the Christmas concert. I realize there are several wassail variations out there, and after some study I have deducted that it was--I think--a version known as the "Gloucestershire Wassail."
That damn song haunts me to this day. I am looking for a nice recording of it. By "nice," I mean something you might hear in a church sung in classical, seven part harmony. And by "church," I mean MY church growing up, with a volunteer but very well-practiced and well-tuned choir.
I am not interested in some guy (or girl) with an acoustic guitar, or, god forbid, the Manheimer Steamroller (?) version. No individual voices, either; the beauty is in the group effort.
Here is what it is NOT:
-it is not "Here we come a wassailing among the leaves so green..."
-it is not, Mom, the Kentucky version on Wassail! Wassail!, although that is a lovely song, too.
It most definitely contains the repeated line: "With the WAAAAAAsail BOOOOOOOOWL we'll drink to thee...." (because that was my favorite, belty, music-swelly part).
Bonus points to the person who finds it & posts it online where we can all download and sing along.
Merry early Xmas, and happy wassailing.
Dopplegangers
Twice today I did a doubletake in pictures:
The first came from a flickr contact--a familiar-looking blonde head bent over a familiar rug. It was not me in the photo, but close enough, and in such circumstances so as to make me check twice.
The second time came while I was looking through work photos in a folder labeled "program conference, Las Vegas" (I was not invited). I stared at the sideways photo for at least 10 seconds, thinking "is that me? that can't be me. wait, I think..."
...and it's my mislabeled mug after all, taken at the Hobbit shortly after my 26th birthday.
There's something here about self and context.
If you're into that sort of thing.
The first came from a flickr contact--a familiar-looking blonde head bent over a familiar rug. It was not me in the photo, but close enough, and in such circumstances so as to make me check twice.
The second time came while I was looking through work photos in a folder labeled "program conference, Las Vegas" (I was not invited). I stared at the sideways photo for at least 10 seconds, thinking "is that me? that can't be me. wait, I think..."
...and it's my mislabeled mug after all, taken at the Hobbit shortly after my 26th birthday.
There's something here about self and context.
If you're into that sort of thing.
It Works, Ok.
Somewhere between the testing of the fire alarm and the clangy construction of an office above your head and an unidentified buzzy white noise and the seasickening traffic of 59 in your periphery view, you think to yourself
you think
your life would be lovelier in a Mary Oliver poem.
you think
your life would be lovelier in a Mary Oliver poem.
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Here's the thing about news coverage of education...
A question I get asked by a lot by board members/concerned individuals is "what are you doing to spread awareness of [acronym]?"
Let's ignore for a minute the fact that no one on my (Houston) team has any formal media/PR training, and focus on the myriad of accomplishment/bragging rights we have to offer. Surely, the public wants to hear about all the good stuff our members and alumni are doing in schools, right?
But see--I'm not convinced, because right now I'm watching a report on sex offenders in schools (in this case, an 8th grader), and it occurs to me that every news report I've seen in the past year on schools concerns sex, guns, knives, drugs, dropout cover-up scandal (getting closer!) and other "sexy" topics.
I don't know; maybe if I had children in school I'd be more concerned by these topics instead of seeing them as fluff. Yes, I am well-aware of my bias.
But as it stands, even if we had a crack media team cranking out great stories about good things happening in schools, I'm not sure anyone would be interested.
Let's ignore for a minute the fact that no one on my (Houston) team has any formal media/PR training, and focus on the myriad of accomplishment/bragging rights we have to offer. Surely, the public wants to hear about all the good stuff our members and alumni are doing in schools, right?
But see--I'm not convinced, because right now I'm watching a report on sex offenders in schools (in this case, an 8th grader), and it occurs to me that every news report I've seen in the past year on schools concerns sex, guns, knives, drugs, dropout cover-up scandal (getting closer!) and other "sexy" topics.
I don't know; maybe if I had children in school I'd be more concerned by these topics instead of seeing them as fluff. Yes, I am well-aware of my bias.
But as it stands, even if we had a crack media team cranking out great stories about good things happening in schools, I'm not sure anyone would be interested.
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
To come to completion; end
e-mail
from: Mary
to: Jason
I knew that "culmative" was not spelled correctly, but couldn't figure out why the spell-checker couldn't help me.
turns out i've been thinking/saying:
"KUL-MA-TIVE"
instead of
"KYOUM-U-LA-TIVE"
How embarrassing.
--------
12:21 PM Jason: those two are close in meaning, no?
me: whatchu mean
12:23 PM Jason: nevermind.
apex v. combined.
12:24 PM me: so how do you spell kulmative
?
12:25 PM Jason: cumalativity.
12:26 PM cumulative.
me: culminate
is the apex
cumulative
is combined
and
culmative
means NOTHING!!
from: Mary
to: Jason
I knew that "culmative" was not spelled correctly, but couldn't figure out why the spell-checker couldn't help me.
turns out i've been thinking/saying:
"KUL-MA-TIVE"
instead of
"KYOUM-U-LA-TIVE"
How embarrassing.
--------
12:21 PM Jason: those two are close in meaning, no?
me: whatchu mean
12:23 PM Jason: nevermind.
apex v. combined.
12:24 PM me: so how do you spell kulmative
?
12:25 PM Jason: cumalativity.
12:26 PM cumulative.
me: culminate
is the apex
cumulative
is combined
and
culmative
means NOTHING!!
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Get ready...
February, 2007 is official Fruitcake Brigade Novel Writing Month.
You have until February 1, 2007 to think and plan, but NOT TO WRITE.
All entries must be 100 pages in length. Emphasis is on quantity, not quality. Project based loosely/heavily on UNT's project this month:
"National Novel Writing Month is a fun, seat-of-your-pants approach to novel writing. Participants begin writing November 1. The goal is to write a 175-page (50,000-word) novel by midnight, November 30.
Valuing enthusiasm and perseverance over painstaking craft, NaNoWriMo is a novel-writing program for everyone who has thought fleetingly about writing a novel but has been scared away by the time and effort involved.
Because of the limited writing window, the ONLY thing that matters in NaNoWriMo is output. It's all about quantity, not quality. The kamikaze approach forces you to lower your expectations, take risks, and write on the fly."
To learn more about NaNoWriMo at Willis Library, go to http://www.library.unt.edu/genref/outreach.htm
To learn more about National Novel Writing Month, go to www.nanowrimo.org"
We're a little busy this November, so hang in there until February. Who's with me?
You have until February 1, 2007 to think and plan, but NOT TO WRITE.
All entries must be 100 pages in length. Emphasis is on quantity, not quality. Project based loosely/heavily on UNT's project this month:
"National Novel Writing Month is a fun, seat-of-your-pants approach to novel writing. Participants begin writing November 1. The goal is to write a 175-page (50,000-word) novel by midnight, November 30.
Valuing enthusiasm and perseverance over painstaking craft, NaNoWriMo is a novel-writing program for everyone who has thought fleetingly about writing a novel but has been scared away by the time and effort involved.
Because of the limited writing window, the ONLY thing that matters in NaNoWriMo is output. It's all about quantity, not quality. The kamikaze approach forces you to lower your expectations, take risks, and write on the fly."
To learn more about NaNoWriMo at Willis Library, go to http://www.library.unt.edu/genref/outreach.htm
To learn more about National Novel Writing Month, go to www.nanowrimo.org"
We're a little busy this November, so hang in there until February. Who's with me?
Thursday, October 26, 2006
BUNNICULA!
I don't buy/cook eggplant often/ever, so I was delighted to find out what happens when it goes bad:
Either there are vampire rabbits in my fridge [and here is where we all turn and eye the cat suspiciously], or the Howes are very busy writing witty children's books that will later be subjected to hilarious required reviews by 4th grade teachers... and they, like me, are not very good at following up on odd vegetable purchases.
My mom read me Bunnicula when I was a kid. She did ALL the voices.
Either there are vampire rabbits in my fridge [and here is where we all turn and eye the cat suspiciously], or the Howes are very busy writing witty children's books that will later be subjected to hilarious required reviews by 4th grade teachers... and they, like me, are not very good at following up on odd vegetable purchases.
My mom read me Bunnicula when I was a kid. She did ALL the voices.
Sunday, October 22, 2006
Travellin' Blues
This week, I am doing very grown-up business-tripy things.
In:
This is the first time I have done the flying, car-renting, hotel-staying, navigating strange new city (no offense, St. Louie) thing ALL BY MY LONESOME.
At least I have a partner-in-crime for the interview-conducting.
I still haven't written my "about [acronym]" story.
And I can't figure out the Washington U. campus. I dunno where to park once I get there. Good thing its a rental car--maybe I'll just park wherever.
And, and, I'm feeling really nervous and Sunday-night-jittery like I used to feel before the beginning of a school week.
And, I wish you were here.
In:
This is the first time I have done the flying, car-renting, hotel-staying, navigating strange new city (no offense, St. Louie) thing ALL BY MY LONESOME.
At least I have a partner-in-crime for the interview-conducting.
I still haven't written my "about [acronym]" story.
And I can't figure out the Washington U. campus. I dunno where to park once I get there. Good thing its a rental car--maybe I'll just park wherever.
And, and, I'm feeling really nervous and Sunday-night-jittery like I used to feel before the beginning of a school week.
And, I wish you were here.
Saturday, October 21, 2006
P(red)ictable
Are any of you out there surprised that I really, really want this:
?
No?
In fact, I'll take one of everything in this collection, thank you.
?
No?
In fact, I'll take one of everything in this collection, thank you.
Friday, October 20, 2006
"Snuggle Porn"
Say hellooooo to panda-cam!
me: OH
mum's back
! squishy pandas
Jason: oh, hold on...
whoa...
ahhhhhh!!!
me: OMG
Jason: no
shit.
ahhhhh!!!!
i
want
to
nuzzle
you.
me: AWWW
srsly
Jason: like watching snuggle porn.
at work!
me: OH
mum's back
! squishy pandas
Jason: oh, hold on...
whoa...
ahhhhhh!!!
me: OMG
Jason: no
shit.
ahhhhh!!!!
i
want
to
nuzzle
you.
me: AWWW
srsly
Jason: like watching snuggle porn.
at work!
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Let the Good People Be Nice
My old friend Claire went and got herself ordained!
I missed her guest appearance at the church where we went through Sunday School together as young 'uns, but Mom sent me pictures and a link to her sermon: Kharma, Dharma, Pudding and Pie.
I remember listening to the mix radio morning show when I was about 15 and hearing someone's list of the top "sexy" professions--one being a Unitarian Universalist minister. I imagine that Jack Diamond in the Morning (and Bert!) didn't write that part of the script, because they both seemed a little befuddled, and moved on immediately.
Yay Claire! You are totally sexy and smart and eloquent. I'm sorry I could not be there.
I missed her guest appearance at the church where we went through Sunday School together as young 'uns, but Mom sent me pictures and a link to her sermon: Kharma, Dharma, Pudding and Pie.
I remember listening to the mix radio morning show when I was about 15 and hearing someone's list of the top "sexy" professions--one being a Unitarian Universalist minister. I imagine that Jack Diamond in the Morning (and Bert!) didn't write that part of the script, because they both seemed a little befuddled, and moved on immediately.
Yay Claire! You are totally sexy and smart and eloquent. I'm sorry I could not be there.
"Mixed and Seasoned Vegetables"
salad days: A time of youthful inexperience, innocence, or indiscretion.
"However, Jan Freeman pointed out in one of her word columns for the Boston Globe back in April 2001 that the expression has shifted sense in the US in the past twenty years or so. It now often refers to a period in the past when somebody was at the peak of their abilities or earning power, in their heyday, not necessarily when they were young. The shift isn’t so hard to understand when you think how few people actually know their Shakespeare."
Monday, October 09, 2006
Dammit, Jim
Anyone who works with me, or who has ever carried on a conversation during work hours, knows that this $700 program makes me cry.
I am not exagerating. I have been brought--on multiple occasions--to wet blobby tears, simply by thinking about upcoming projects that require the use of InDesign.
Unlike most of my "knowledge gaps" at work that I am hungry to fill, this is absolutely not one of them. I have no desire to learn the program. I have no desire to layout the newsletter. I have no desire to write the newsletter article, although I would prefer to write it than to make it look pretty on a page.
I cry and I cry and then I look on craigslist for new jobs, and I think "vitamin store--that could be cool," all over a stupid computer program.
I am not exagerating. I have been brought--on multiple occasions--to wet blobby tears, simply by thinking about upcoming projects that require the use of InDesign.
Unlike most of my "knowledge gaps" at work that I am hungry to fill, this is absolutely not one of them. I have no desire to learn the program. I have no desire to layout the newsletter. I have no desire to write the newsletter article, although I would prefer to write it than to make it look pretty on a page.
I cry and I cry and then I look on craigslist for new jobs, and I think "vitamin store--that could be cool," all over a stupid computer program.
Friday, October 06, 2006
TX Gubernatorial Debate--A Play by Play
The contestants:
Rick "The Incumbant" Perry (R)
Carole Keeton "Grandma" Strayhorn (I)
Kinky "why the hell not" Friedman (I)
Chris "who????" Bell (D)
Q1: Illegal immigration
Carole says: Fair legal immigration program. Let's put the Texas rangers in charge. Strengthen our border and secure TX.
Perry says: Asking for $100 million next session to address the border issue. I put those troops there before Bush asked me to b/c Rio Grande sherifs asked for help.
Kinky says: Yup. Taxpayer ID cards. [[He said "sock 'em!" Oh my god. He also said "illegal running through a field."]]
Bell says: Crack down on employers & logical and sensible debate.
Q2: Taxes & education
Perry says: 15.5 billion dollar property tax reduction. Reformed school finance system plus raise for teachers. p.s. Bi-partisan.
Carole says: "Shake Austin up" People first. Govner is LYING.
Bell says: Not going to raise taxes, but businesses need to be paying their fair share. Close loopholes plus 6k raise for teachers. Lots of certified teachers [[like me!!!]] who are not teaching.
Kinky says: "Playin mickey mouse games." NCLB has failed. Legalize casino gambling to pay for education every year: ie, texas hold'em.
ooooohhhhh---question and rebutal round!!!!
Chris Bell asks Carole: You've given .5 billion in tax breaks to clients of your biggest contributors. How can people trust you know?
Carole says: JERK. Drop dead. [[Ok, I editorialized. She didn't really say anything at all.]]
Bell rebuts: Facts are the facts. We'll clean up Austin.
*
Kinky asks Bell: We're trying to spread democracy--Perry ducked out of all the debates that were offered. What do you think of that?
Bell said: V. important to have debates. We said any time, any place. Let's do this again and again!!
Friedman "rebuts": poly = more than one; ticks = blood-sucking parasites (HAAH!)
*
Perry asks Friedman: Bio-diesal, etc. What's your long-term vision and plan for this growing state for energy?
Kinky says: importing energy for the first time in history. I want Willie Nelson to organize the co-ops and make the school buses bio-diesal. We can do it with solar, wind, etc.
Perry rebuts: #1 wind generating state in the nation. 10B infrastructure in wind energy. Going to take a lot of different types of energy in future.
*
Carole asks Perry: [[uhhh... something about sexual predators?]]
Perry says: Continue to strengthen laws.
Carole rebuts: We love our children!! Mandatory lifetime without parole for first-time sexual predators. [[She's sort of scary]]
Rooooooouuuuunnnnd 4!
Q4 to Chris Bell: You are boring, sir.
Bell says: Well, yes. My kids are in public schools in Houston [[oh lord]] & I know the ins and outs. Reduce our dependence on high stakes testing.
Kinky says: I agree with Chris. TAKS has to go. Gives everyone a nervous breakdown.
Perry says: Schools doing great job. 20% increase in kids going to college.
Carole says: Texans are excited about MEEEEE because I'm wearing a pink suit.
Q5 to Kinky: You are completely politically incorrect and we don't think you are very funny.
Kinky says: I was raised by a black lady in Houston, TX. I'm color-blind. These sort of arguments take away from real concerns, like crime and murder in Houston. I want to send $100 million to Houston law enforcement [[to keep people from breaking into Mary's car.]] (Yesssss!)
Perry says: Words matter.
Carole says: Did you see my pink suit? I love EVERYONE. [[p.s. she said "Anglos"]]
Chris says: Racist comments have no place in this campaign, but it all comes down to a different view of politics. Actual def. of politics is art or science of political governance.
Q6 to Perry: Which is more imp., jobs in TX or raises for your staff?
Perry says: We go through same process as private sector.
Carole says: tell the people of TX the TRUTH, liar!!! lies lies lies. more lies. you suck, perry.
Bell says: more $$s to parks funding
Kinky says: Stop ganging up on me! [[Oh.... Kinky....]]
Q7 to Carole: You've accepted >1 million in campaign contributions; you've flip-flopped; are you an opportunist?
Carole says: I did what I said I would do. Government in the sunshine. [[What??]]
Chris says: Nobody knows who I am because I'm the only one playing fair.
Kinky says: 6x as many contributions from individuals as Rick Perry, and he has more money. You all are trying to suppress the vote.
Perry says: Let's talk about the budget instead.
Q8: Citizen question to Kinky Friedman
"Will you have a cigar in your hand as governor?"
A: Yes. Sam Houston did it!
Q9: Citizen question to Perry
"Why are the people not allowed to vote on Trans-Texas highway?"
A: It was debated fully in 2003 and 2005. Bottom line: people did vote. [[What. You don't remember?]]
Q10: Citizen question to Strayhorn
"How will you stop this highway thing?
A: I'll kill it myself! Dead!
Q11: Citizen question for Bell
"Will you pledge to make tuition deregulation happen?"
A: Let's make college affordable for middle class families. p.s. re: highway--this thing is a disaster and wrong wrong wrong.
Two speed rounds... can't... keep... up!!! Basically this round is to prove the candidates' ignorance on things like college tuition, the Mexican president, term limit, and energy bills. And they are. Ignorant, that is.
Last round: one-on-ones
This is a great round.
Ok, Kinky is a total hippy; Chris Bell is the only one who knows a damn thing about public education (and no one knows who he is); "Grandma" is a FLIP-FLOPPER (and her suit is too pink and if she is elected I will vomit); and Perry is the only one who looks/sounds remotely governor-esque.
The winner: Perry.
My vote: Bell.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled Texas high school football game.
Rick "The Incumbant" Perry (R)
Carole Keeton "Grandma" Strayhorn (I)
Kinky "why the hell not" Friedman (I)
Chris "who????" Bell (D)
Q1: Illegal immigration
Carole says: Fair legal immigration program. Let's put the Texas rangers in charge. Strengthen our border and secure TX.
Perry says: Asking for $100 million next session to address the border issue. I put those troops there before Bush asked me to b/c Rio Grande sherifs asked for help.
Kinky says: Yup. Taxpayer ID cards. [[He said "sock 'em!" Oh my god. He also said "illegal running through a field."]]
Bell says: Crack down on employers & logical and sensible debate.
Q2: Taxes & education
Perry says: 15.5 billion dollar property tax reduction. Reformed school finance system plus raise for teachers. p.s. Bi-partisan.
Carole says: "Shake Austin up" People first. Govner is LYING.
Bell says: Not going to raise taxes, but businesses need to be paying their fair share. Close loopholes plus 6k raise for teachers. Lots of certified teachers [[like me!!!]] who are not teaching.
Kinky says: "Playin mickey mouse games." NCLB has failed. Legalize casino gambling to pay for education every year: ie, texas hold'em.
ooooohhhhh---question and rebutal round!!!!
Chris Bell asks Carole: You've given .5 billion in tax breaks to clients of your biggest contributors. How can people trust you know?
Carole says: JERK. Drop dead. [[Ok, I editorialized. She didn't really say anything at all.]]
Bell rebuts: Facts are the facts. We'll clean up Austin.
*
Kinky asks Bell: We're trying to spread democracy--Perry ducked out of all the debates that were offered. What do you think of that?
Bell said: V. important to have debates. We said any time, any place. Let's do this again and again!!
Friedman "rebuts": poly = more than one; ticks = blood-sucking parasites (HAAH!)
*
Perry asks Friedman: Bio-diesal, etc. What's your long-term vision and plan for this growing state for energy?
Kinky says: importing energy for the first time in history. I want Willie Nelson to organize the co-ops and make the school buses bio-diesal. We can do it with solar, wind, etc.
Perry rebuts: #1 wind generating state in the nation. 10B infrastructure in wind energy. Going to take a lot of different types of energy in future.
*
Carole asks Perry: [[uhhh... something about sexual predators?]]
Perry says: Continue to strengthen laws.
Carole rebuts: We love our children!! Mandatory lifetime without parole for first-time sexual predators. [[She's sort of scary]]
Rooooooouuuuunnnnd 4!
Q4 to Chris Bell: You are boring, sir.
Bell says: Well, yes. My kids are in public schools in Houston [[oh lord]] & I know the ins and outs. Reduce our dependence on high stakes testing.
Kinky says: I agree with Chris. TAKS has to go. Gives everyone a nervous breakdown.
Perry says: Schools doing great job. 20% increase in kids going to college.
Carole says: Texans are excited about MEEEEE because I'm wearing a pink suit.
Q5 to Kinky: You are completely politically incorrect and we don't think you are very funny.
Kinky says: I was raised by a black lady in Houston, TX. I'm color-blind. These sort of arguments take away from real concerns, like crime and murder in Houston. I want to send $100 million to Houston law enforcement [[to keep people from breaking into Mary's car.]] (Yesssss!)
Perry says: Words matter.
Carole says: Did you see my pink suit? I love EVERYONE. [[p.s. she said "Anglos"]]
Chris says: Racist comments have no place in this campaign, but it all comes down to a different view of politics. Actual def. of politics is art or science of political governance.
Q6 to Perry: Which is more imp., jobs in TX or raises for your staff?
Perry says: We go through same process as private sector.
Carole says: tell the people of TX the TRUTH, liar!!! lies lies lies. more lies. you suck, perry.
Bell says: more $$s to parks funding
Kinky says: Stop ganging up on me! [[Oh.... Kinky....]]
Q7 to Carole: You've accepted >1 million in campaign contributions; you've flip-flopped; are you an opportunist?
Carole says: I did what I said I would do. Government in the sunshine. [[What??]]
Chris says: Nobody knows who I am because I'm the only one playing fair.
Kinky says: 6x as many contributions from individuals as Rick Perry, and he has more money. You all are trying to suppress the vote.
Perry says: Let's talk about the budget instead.
Q8: Citizen question to Kinky Friedman
"Will you have a cigar in your hand as governor?"
A: Yes. Sam Houston did it!
Q9: Citizen question to Perry
"Why are the people not allowed to vote on Trans-Texas highway?"
A: It was debated fully in 2003 and 2005. Bottom line: people did vote. [[What. You don't remember?]]
Q10: Citizen question to Strayhorn
"How will you stop this highway thing?
A: I'll kill it myself! Dead!
Q11: Citizen question for Bell
"Will you pledge to make tuition deregulation happen?"
A: Let's make college affordable for middle class families. p.s. re: highway--this thing is a disaster and wrong wrong wrong.
Two speed rounds... can't... keep... up!!! Basically this round is to prove the candidates' ignorance on things like college tuition, the Mexican president, term limit, and energy bills. And they are. Ignorant, that is.
Last round: one-on-ones
This is a great round.
Ok, Kinky is a total hippy; Chris Bell is the only one who knows a damn thing about public education (and no one knows who he is); "Grandma" is a FLIP-FLOPPER (and her suit is too pink and if she is elected I will vomit); and Perry is the only one who looks/sounds remotely governor-esque.
The winner: Perry.
My vote: Bell.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled Texas high school football game.
Monday, October 02, 2006
heart takes a passenger flight into space
tempted by richard branson's sweet deal,
heart buckles down with a leg, some fingernails
two nervous lungs and some sweat glands
in the SpaceShipOne with six
space tourists,
the trip of a lifetime for the low low cost of
but heart isn't paying for this trip,
tagging along for the ride
in the name of scientific research.
heart brought a camera, some crackers
a postcard to send to you in zero gravity
heart would like a window seat but settles for
the freezered compartment,
picturing the clouds whizzing by
as the plane flies up up up
far above the other planes;
heart is pounding and the glands
start to smell, leg twitching like crazy
if stomach were here, in these cramped quarters,
it would drop
right through the floor
for three minutes in space heart is released
to float around, earth curving below
like a cataracted unblinking
eyeball
returned to chest, heart hears only:
contract. do not contract.
asserting lackluster sovereignty
on the circulatory system.
for weeks, heart will leap
wildly against the ribs, suspended in blood
for a moment,
remembering freefall
heart buckles down with a leg, some fingernails
two nervous lungs and some sweat glands
in the SpaceShipOne with six
space tourists,
the trip of a lifetime for the low low cost of
but heart isn't paying for this trip,
tagging along for the ride
in the name of scientific research.
heart brought a camera, some crackers
a postcard to send to you in zero gravity
heart would like a window seat but settles for
the freezered compartment,
picturing the clouds whizzing by
as the plane flies up up up
far above the other planes;
heart is pounding and the glands
start to smell, leg twitching like crazy
if stomach were here, in these cramped quarters,
it would drop
right through the floor
for three minutes in space heart is released
to float around, earth curving below
like a cataracted unblinking
eyeball
returned to chest, heart hears only:
contract. do not contract.
asserting lackluster sovereignty
on the circulatory system.
for weeks, heart will leap
wildly against the ribs, suspended in blood
for a moment,
remembering freefall
Friday, September 29, 2006
Dear Chris Bell,
Hello! My name is Mary. I'm your target demographic. We haven't met.
I'm a registered democrat, I'm educated, and I vote. According to some: all the time.
Here's the thing, Chris... I knew about Kinky Friedman from way back when, and I think he's hysterical. As much as I'd like to throw Texas government a big 'ole "Fried-U" and vote independent, I do care about things like schools and healthcare, and I'm not altogether confident that Mr. Friedman can govern and smoke a cigar at the same time. At this point I'm probably what the West Wing would classify as a "swing vote," or at the very least, somewhat undecided.
Why aren't you courting me? The lesbians are. They called and asked me to vote for Ellen Cohen and I was like, "Sure! Ellen's great. You all do a great job, keep it up."
So why do I keep seeing "Grandma" in the evening news and Kinky in the parades and I don't even know what you look like?
Get your act together, man. Or I'll be voting for the Jewish cowboy.
Love,
Mary
I'm a registered democrat, I'm educated, and I vote. According to some: all the time.
Here's the thing, Chris... I knew about Kinky Friedman from way back when, and I think he's hysterical. As much as I'd like to throw Texas government a big 'ole "Fried-U" and vote independent, I do care about things like schools and healthcare, and I'm not altogether confident that Mr. Friedman can govern and smoke a cigar at the same time. At this point I'm probably what the West Wing would classify as a "swing vote," or at the very least, somewhat undecided.
Why aren't you courting me? The lesbians are. They called and asked me to vote for Ellen Cohen and I was like, "Sure! Ellen's great. You all do a great job, keep it up."
So why do I keep seeing "Grandma" in the evening news and Kinky in the parades and I don't even know what you look like?
Get your act together, man. Or I'll be voting for the Jewish cowboy.
Love,
Mary
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Lucky, unlucky
Weather's cooling down... means open windows, open doors. Let the cat explore on her 10 foot stay-in-my-sight radius. She won't wander; she's too scared of life.
Inside, cleaning, I find shells of ladybugs dotting the walls and floors. It reminds me of college, where they somehow found their way into my yellow concrete dorm room, and died. This was 500+ miles away in another lifetime.
At the time, I wrote:
"Was this genocide?
Or an organized effort
sponsored by the insect kingdom:
hordes of highly suicidal ladybugs
fly in my half-opened window at night
past the fan blades
past the candle’s flame
they land on the walls
the desks, the carpet,
they land and sit
and quietly let life slip away."
It's nice that some things don't change across years and geography.
I just wish the damn ladybugs would lighten up.
Or, you know, evolve.
Inside, cleaning, I find shells of ladybugs dotting the walls and floors. It reminds me of college, where they somehow found their way into my yellow concrete dorm room, and died. This was 500+ miles away in another lifetime.
At the time, I wrote:
"Was this genocide?
Or an organized effort
sponsored by the insect kingdom:
hordes of highly suicidal ladybugs
fly in my half-opened window at night
past the fan blades
past the candle’s flame
they land on the walls
the desks, the carpet,
they land and sit
and quietly let life slip away."
It's nice that some things don't change across years and geography.
I just wish the damn ladybugs would lighten up.
Or, you know, evolve.
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
"A Tribute to Courage"
Driving to Houston from Dallas, TX,
you pass nothing.
For a really long time.
& then
from out of nowhere:
SAM HOUSTON!
10x larger than life & porcelain
complected--but only
for a minute, whizzing by
at 80mph.
You could stop and buy a postcard
at the visitor center, created
for his personage.
If you were as large
as Sam Houston the Statue,
you could get here faster:
hopscotching through clover intersections,
sprinting alongside stretches of highway,
pausing to tip your hat to Sam & company
who would probably enjoy the sight, stop
and snap pictures, yelling
"Hey there mister"
and "I'll be damned"
Possessing 10x your normal charm
you would tell a tall tale
with a punchline like thunder
head in the clouds
bighearted
feet like wrecking balls
to the miles of cratered land
behind you.
you pass nothing.
For a really long time.
& then
from out of nowhere:
SAM HOUSTON!
10x larger than life & porcelain
complected--but only
for a minute, whizzing by
at 80mph.
You could stop and buy a postcard
at the visitor center, created
for his personage.
If you were as large
as Sam Houston the Statue,
you could get here faster:
hopscotching through clover intersections,
sprinting alongside stretches of highway,
pausing to tip your hat to Sam & company
who would probably enjoy the sight, stop
and snap pictures, yelling
"Hey there mister"
and "I'll be damned"
Possessing 10x your normal charm
you would tell a tall tale
with a punchline like thunder
head in the clouds
bighearted
feet like wrecking balls
to the miles of cratered land
behind you.
Sunday, September 17, 2006
Sunday, September 10, 2006
Lending Out Books
You're always giving, my therapist said.
You have to learn how to take. Whenever
you meet a woman, the first thing you do
is lend her your books. You think she'll
have to see you again in order to return them.
But what happens is, she doesn't have the time
to read them, & she's afraid if she sees you again
you'll expect her to talk about them, & will
want to lend her even more. So she
cancels the date. You end up losing
a lot of books. You should borrow hers.
-Hal Sirowitz
You have to learn how to take. Whenever
you meet a woman, the first thing you do
is lend her your books. You think she'll
have to see you again in order to return them.
But what happens is, she doesn't have the time
to read them, & she's afraid if she sees you again
you'll expect her to talk about them, & will
want to lend her even more. So she
cancels the date. You end up losing
a lot of books. You should borrow hers.
-Hal Sirowitz
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Straight and Narrow
Everywhere I work, it seems like people want to put me in a box. At my previous job, I was Ms. D------, that mostly-nice (depending on who you ask!) lesbian teacher lady with the slightly crazy tendencies... smart though, generous with resources, and a lot of fun over happy hour.
Most of the above sentence is accurate. I really don't know where the inaccuracy started, or why it stuck around as long as it did, and frankly I don't care.
Fast-forward to the present, and the completely random coincidence that my boss and I happen to share the same last name: hers through marriage, mine through birth. We are not related.
So here's an excerpt from this email that went out to the entire national development staff, and it's really not helping my case any:
"It's been a little over a month - time to reminisce!
Bee and Mary D------ at the Development Conference happy hour in Houston."
My first thought seeing this picture was, "holy crud--you are looking positively ROUND there, Ms. Lesbow. Put the beer down [beer not pictured] and do some sit-ups, stat!" My second thought was that I'd just been married off... to my boss, no less.
Folks, without getting too graphic such as to earn a PG-13 rating, I've not ever even "experimented." I am really straight. Straight and narr---crap.
Most of the above sentence is accurate. I really don't know where the inaccuracy started, or why it stuck around as long as it did, and frankly I don't care.
Fast-forward to the present, and the completely random coincidence that my boss and I happen to share the same last name: hers through marriage, mine through birth. We are not related.
So here's an excerpt from this email that went out to the entire national development staff, and it's really not helping my case any:
"It's been a little over a month - time to reminisce!
Bee and Mary D------ at the Development Conference happy hour in Houston."
My first thought seeing this picture was, "holy crud--you are looking positively ROUND there, Ms. Lesbow. Put the beer down [beer not pictured] and do some sit-ups, stat!" My second thought was that I'd just been married off... to my boss, no less.
Folks, without getting too graphic such as to earn a PG-13 rating, I've not ever even "experimented." I am really straight. Straight and narr---crap.
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Good Fences Make for Good Neighbors
Seriously, folks...
Rice Village has lost its freaking mind!
Even if you've never tried to eat or shop in this trendy four-block radius just outside Rice University, you've probably experienced something like it. Sparse parking filled to capacity, and every free spot you do find loudly declares "Ben and Jerry's parking ONLY" or "Reserved for Urban Outfitters, you Square," or "Fed Ex 3 minute parking hurry up" or "Good Neighbor Cleaners... WE TOW." (Creative license aside, I'm not kidding about that last one.)
It's a blessing to find a nice big open lot, and a joke to see a sign like this announcing that you should know the street address of Chloe's Project Runway winning boutique, Lot 6, or wherever it is you're trying to get to. Uhh... Bravo Lane? #1?
Rice Village has lost its freaking mind!
Even if you've never tried to eat or shop in this trendy four-block radius just outside Rice University, you've probably experienced something like it. Sparse parking filled to capacity, and every free spot you do find loudly declares "Ben and Jerry's parking ONLY" or "Reserved for Urban Outfitters, you Square," or "Fed Ex 3 minute parking hurry up" or "Good Neighbor Cleaners... WE TOW." (Creative license aside, I'm not kidding about that last one.)
It's a blessing to find a nice big open lot, and a joke to see a sign like this announcing that you should know the street address of Chloe's Project Runway winning boutique, Lot 6, or wherever it is you're trying to get to. Uhh... Bravo Lane? #1?
Stab Me in the Eye...
Illuminous!:
Adjustable:
Gay:
Purdy:
Crafty (-er than normal needles, I guess):
(in a former life, these needles were chopsticks)
Adjustable:
Gay:
Purdy:
Crafty (-er than normal needles, I guess):
(in a former life, these needles were chopsticks)
Monday, August 28, 2006
Grantor/Grantee
Most of the time, in my job, I am asking for money.
But today!!!--today I am giving away money! Ok, it's not my money--but for the upwards of twenty teachers who submitted their grant proposals for consideration at our Benefit Dinner, it's a chance for an easy thousand dollars to fund a much-needed classroom project.
Warm, fuzzy, easy, right?
So here are some things about grantmakers that I probably could have figured out, but didn't... until now:
1. Tell me what I want, how I want it. I asked you about specific information because that is the information I need to know. I would love to read your extraneous information, but I don't have time because there many applications in equal consideration to yours.
2. Don't make me do extra work. If you want $400 for books and $100 for t-shirts and $1,356 for bus fare... please total that up. Also, no ranges. The bottom line is, how much do you WANT?
3. Don't ask for more than the top limit.
4. Don't exceed the page limit.
5. If you ask questions in advance (and well before the due date), I am more likely to remember you in the stack of 25 proposals.
6. Please don't assume I know where you work or what you do, or what XYZZY stands for if you don't explain it to me.
7. On the other hand: I've been in your shoes before, and I know you can purchase Esperanza Rising cheaper from Scholastic than from Amazon.com. Show me you've done your research completely.
I list these items not to scold or make fun, but because today's exercise helped me understand just how swamped foundations get in the business of handing out money... and it's easy to understand how any of the above mistakes could get my organization lumped in the "forget about it" pile. I don't want to be in the "forget about it" pile. I want to be in the "send them bricks of solid gold" category.
But today!!!--today I am giving away money! Ok, it's not my money--but for the upwards of twenty teachers who submitted their grant proposals for consideration at our Benefit Dinner, it's a chance for an easy thousand dollars to fund a much-needed classroom project.
Warm, fuzzy, easy, right?
So here are some things about grantmakers that I probably could have figured out, but didn't... until now:
1. Tell me what I want, how I want it. I asked you about specific information because that is the information I need to know. I would love to read your extraneous information, but I don't have time because there many applications in equal consideration to yours.
2. Don't make me do extra work. If you want $400 for books and $100 for t-shirts and $1,356 for bus fare... please total that up. Also, no ranges. The bottom line is, how much do you WANT?
3. Don't ask for more than the top limit.
4. Don't exceed the page limit.
5. If you ask questions in advance (and well before the due date), I am more likely to remember you in the stack of 25 proposals.
6. Please don't assume I know where you work or what you do, or what XYZZY stands for if you don't explain it to me.
7. On the other hand: I've been in your shoes before, and I know you can purchase Esperanza Rising cheaper from Scholastic than from Amazon.com. Show me you've done your research completely.
I list these items not to scold or make fun, but because today's exercise helped me understand just how swamped foundations get in the business of handing out money... and it's easy to understand how any of the above mistakes could get my organization lumped in the "forget about it" pile. I don't want to be in the "forget about it" pile. I want to be in the "send them bricks of solid gold" category.
Sunday, August 27, 2006
Call Me
Isn't it lurvely?
It's skinny enough to fit in the smallest of evening bags, and I can still serendipitously snap a pic if Beyonce happens to be in the house.
This just in: Tim Gunn says purple is the new black. Say it ain't so, Tim!!
I almost, almost went for the T809 (which--by the way--would have been $200 at the cash register; I dunno where Amazon is getting that number) and all its slidey, mp3 rockin' goodness, but at the last minute--thanks to computer lag at the register--I found myself asking, "What's the return policy if I decide this is just too much phone for me?" and then realized that if I had to ask, minimal is better.
Back to the Emmys. I have to imagine that Hell is a neverending red carpet. Not that I would know... but I have a hunch.
Friday, August 25, 2006
Families Come in All Shapes and Sizes
Yesterday was a good day for procreation:
The first news came from a--person I know--(let's stay vague, here) letting me know that she and her husband are in the final stages of adopting a baby. Because I've never known anyone who has been through the adoption process, the "YOU'RE HAVING A BABY!@!!!" response went equally hand-in-hand with "You're what?? You're how?? Ok, back-up..."
Later that evening, a second--person--was a no show at a reunion dinner gathering, because at that particular moment, all signs were "go" for insemination. Again, "EEEEE!" + "Ok, I wanna know how this works..."
And somewhere in Tennessee, a woman is walking... walking... walking... go Debs! Get that baby OUT!
Margaret Atwood wrote:
"If mother-
hood is sacred, put
your money where your mouth is. Only
then can you expect the coming
down to the wrecked & shimmering earth
of that miracle you sing
about, the day
when every child is a holy birth."
Boys and girls, it is clear to me that "the wedding years" have passed their novelty, and "the baby years" are here to stay. They will come by stork, by test tube, by accident, on-purpose... but the babies are most definitely coming.
The first news came from a--person I know--(let's stay vague, here) letting me know that she and her husband are in the final stages of adopting a baby. Because I've never known anyone who has been through the adoption process, the "YOU'RE HAVING A BABY!@!!!" response went equally hand-in-hand with "You're what?? You're how?? Ok, back-up..."
Later that evening, a second--person--was a no show at a reunion dinner gathering, because at that particular moment, all signs were "go" for insemination. Again, "EEEEE!" + "Ok, I wanna know how this works..."
And somewhere in Tennessee, a woman is walking... walking... walking... go Debs! Get that baby OUT!
Margaret Atwood wrote:
"If mother-
hood is sacred, put
your money where your mouth is. Only
then can you expect the coming
down to the wrecked & shimmering earth
of that miracle you sing
about, the day
when every child is a holy birth."
Boys and girls, it is clear to me that "the wedding years" have passed their novelty, and "the baby years" are here to stay. They will come by stork, by test tube, by accident, on-purpose... but the babies are most definitely coming.
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Third Emmy!
Big congrats to the guy who taught me, among other things, that it is ok to use "I" and "you" in an essay. ("We have all these wonderful pronouns! Use them!")
He also played a crucial, yet indirect role in naming my cat.
He also played a crucial, yet indirect role in naming my cat.
Friday, August 18, 2006
History in the Making
Richard and I finally watched the Enron movie this week.
Today in our donor database I stumbled upon a gift of $10,000 in May 2001 by a certain top executive who passed away earlier this summer.
I marked him "deceased."
Notes say he was allergic to shellfish.
That is all the notes say.
What's not on your permanent record?
Today in our donor database I stumbled upon a gift of $10,000 in May 2001 by a certain top executive who passed away earlier this summer.
I marked him "deceased."
Notes say he was allergic to shellfish.
That is all the notes say.
What's not on your permanent record?
Thursday, August 17, 2006
Where are you going and where have you been?
I really don't find knitting relaxing or theraputic at all. I enjoy it, yes, in a must-finish-project-NOW sort of gogoGO vibe.
I pretend to watch TV while I'm knitting, but I don't really watch TV. I watch my fingers and I watch the yarn. Ideally, I'll listen to music... or maybe the unexplored territory of books on tape. Airports are great. Car trips are ok.
And god-forbid I accidentally drop a stitch or knit when I'm supposed to purl, because then my afternoon/evening is ruined. It takes me minutes to fix the undoing or wrong-doing that can happen in a second. If I can fix it at all.
The good news is, I don't really care about mistakes. As long as it isn't horribly misshappen and I can keep going, I will. Right?--that thing about including an imperfection because nothing is perfect except for God? Yessss. I like that thing.
This is a scarf. It is halfway finished. The stripy bits come from purposefully dropping stitches (perfect!), and the pattern is located here. The yarn is a variagated Noro Silk Garden in lovely shades of green, blue, khaki, purple and orange... but mostly green. Green green green.
Here's the last secret: I find knitting sort of boring. But then, I find most everything sort of boring. I can't remember the last time I jumped into a project--work or pleasure--with pure, unadulterated joy.
The projects exist, I am sure of it. But where? And how?
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Who wants to be my 403(b) benefactor?
First person to post a social security number wins the five percent of my income that I am investing in "agressive, socially-conscious" funds. Doesn't that sound awesome? GRRRR! Go funds, go! Beat up those other funds!
(No, really, don't post your social security number here. That's hella dangerous.)
p.s. I edited this post like four times after I hit publish. That's cheating, right?
(No, really, don't post your social security number here. That's hella dangerous.)
p.s. I edited this post like four times after I hit publish. That's cheating, right?
Sunday, August 13, 2006
Shower Vision
I find it increasingly difficult to monitor my activity in the shower, seeing as how it's such a prime "zone out" location. More and more these days, I find myself lathering up and instantly becoming lost in thought--so much so that when I come to, I couldn't tell you what exactly I was thinking about, how long I had been standing there, and whether or not I had washed and conditioned my hair.
I like to think that after 26 years, I wouldn't forget to, say, wash my underarms on a daily basis, but who can know for sure?
The fact that shower activity takes place before coffee surely contributes to the problem.
Does this happen to anyone else?
(If all goes right, you should be able to comment here now.)
I like to think that after 26 years, I wouldn't forget to, say, wash my underarms on a daily basis, but who can know for sure?
The fact that shower activity takes place before coffee surely contributes to the problem.
Does this happen to anyone else?
(If all goes right, you should be able to comment here now.)
Saturday, August 12, 2006
Oh, So You're Going to Be That Sort of Weekend...
Strike One: Friday evening, I managed to mail only one of two grant proposals that needed to get in the mailbox, prompted a return trip 15 minutes later for the second one. Plus--envelope #1 was having sort of glue issue, and I am not at all convinced my letter will get to its destination intact.
Strike Two: "Disc 6" of Deadwood is freaking special features!!! I was all geared up for two more episodes... and, no.
Strike Two-and-a-half: After repeated, yet sincere, whining to Richard about how I left my knitting bag (with work-in-progress) at work, I wake up and realize it's actually beside the bed. (This is only a half-strike, because now I don't have to make a special trip.)
Lankford Grocery, we're headed your way for some breakfast. No funny bizness, now. You're on very thin ice.
Strike Two: "Disc 6" of Deadwood is freaking special features!!! I was all geared up for two more episodes... and, no.
Strike Two-and-a-half: After repeated, yet sincere, whining to Richard about how I left my knitting bag (with work-in-progress) at work, I wake up and realize it's actually beside the bed. (This is only a half-strike, because now I don't have to make a special trip.)
Lankford Grocery, we're headed your way for some breakfast. No funny bizness, now. You're on very thin ice.
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
Muse
"Along Comes Mary" by The Association
"Auntie Mary" by Harry Belafonte
"Blind Mary" by Garnet Rogers
"Crazy Mary" by Victoria Williams, covered by Pearl Jam
"Cross-Eyed Mary" by Jethro Tull
"Help Me Mary" by Liz Phair
"Johnny And Mary" by Robert Palmer
"Just Before Mary Goes" by Universal Honey
"Mary" by Tori Amos
"Mary" by The 4 Of Us
"Mary" by Patty Griffin (ed. note: covered by Ben Harper)
"Mary" by Anne O'Meara Heaton
"Mary" by Sarah McLachlan
"Mary" by Oingo Boingo
"Mary" by Scissor Sisters
"Mary" by Sarah Slean
"Mary" by Supergrass
"Mary" by The Subways
"Mary Kay" by Jill Sobule
"Mary Loves the Flowers" by Rebecca Riots
"Mary Magdalene" by Patty Larkin
"Mary Makes Magic" by Harry Belafonte
"Mary, Mary" by Harry Belafonte
"Mary, Mary" by The Monkees (covered by Paul Butterfield Blues Band)
"Mary, Mary, So Contrary" by Can
"Mary Queen of Arkansas" by Bruce Springsteen
"Mary's Boy Child" by Harry Belafonte
"Mary's Place" by Bruce Springsteen
"Mary's in India" by Dido
"Mary Tyler Moore" by Barbara Kessler
"Mary Without Sound" by Motion City Soundtrack
"Creek Mary's Blood" By Nightwish
"Mo Mary" by Harry Belafonte
"Now Mary" by The White Stripes
"Poor Mary Lane" by Moxy Früvous
"Pretty Mary" by Trout Fishing in America
"Proud Mary" by Creedence Clearwater Revival (notable cover by Ike & Tina Turner)
"Soundtrack to Mary", by Soul Coughing
"Devilish Mary" by The Skillet Lickers
"Sweet Lady Mary" by The Faces
"Sweet Mary" by Wadsworth Mansion
"Take a Message to Mary" by The Everly Brothers
"The Mary Getaway" by The Working Title
"The Nancy & Mary Music" by Frank Zappa
"The Wind Cries Mary" by Jimi Hendrix
"Tom and Mary" by Ben Folds
"Marys of the Sea" by Tori Amos
"Mary Ann" by Alice Cooper
"Mary Ann" by Harry Belafonte
"Mary Ann" by Ray Charles
"Mary Anne" by Marshall Crenshaw
"Mary Anne with the Shaky Hand" by The Who
"Mary-Anne" by Sam Shaber
"Mary Ellen Makes The Moment Count" by a-ha
"Mary Hooley" by Phranc
"Last Dance With Mary Jane" by Tom Petty
"Mary Jane" by Rick James
"Mary Jane" by Alanis Morissette
"Mary Jane" by The Miracle Workers
"Mary Jane" by The Spin Doctors
"Mary Jane" by Tumbleweed
"What's the New Mary Jane" by The Beatles
"Mary Jean" by Marshall Crenshaw
"Hello, Mary Lou" by Gene Pitney (notable covers by Creedence Clearwater Revival, Ricky Nelson, The Statler Brothers)
"Mary Lee Jones" by Lindsey Buckingham
"Mary Lou" by Bob Seger
"Mary Long" by Deep Purple
"Mary Melody" by Mad Caddies
Find Your Song.
"Auntie Mary" by Harry Belafonte
"Blind Mary" by Garnet Rogers
"Crazy Mary" by Victoria Williams, covered by Pearl Jam
"Cross-Eyed Mary" by Jethro Tull
"Help Me Mary" by Liz Phair
"Johnny And Mary" by Robert Palmer
"Just Before Mary Goes" by Universal Honey
"Mary" by Tori Amos
"Mary" by The 4 Of Us
"Mary" by Patty Griffin (ed. note: covered by Ben Harper)
"Mary" by Anne O'Meara Heaton
"Mary" by Sarah McLachlan
"Mary" by Oingo Boingo
"Mary" by Scissor Sisters
"Mary" by Sarah Slean
"Mary" by Supergrass
"Mary" by The Subways
"Mary Kay" by Jill Sobule
"Mary Loves the Flowers" by Rebecca Riots
"Mary Magdalene" by Patty Larkin
"Mary Makes Magic" by Harry Belafonte
"Mary, Mary" by Harry Belafonte
"Mary, Mary" by The Monkees (covered by Paul Butterfield Blues Band)
"Mary, Mary, So Contrary" by Can
"Mary Queen of Arkansas" by Bruce Springsteen
"Mary's Boy Child" by Harry Belafonte
"Mary's Place" by Bruce Springsteen
"Mary's in India" by Dido
"Mary Tyler Moore" by Barbara Kessler
"Mary Without Sound" by Motion City Soundtrack
"Creek Mary's Blood" By Nightwish
"Mo Mary" by Harry Belafonte
"Now Mary" by The White Stripes
"Poor Mary Lane" by Moxy Früvous
"Pretty Mary" by Trout Fishing in America
"Proud Mary" by Creedence Clearwater Revival (notable cover by Ike & Tina Turner)
"Soundtrack to Mary", by Soul Coughing
"Devilish Mary" by The Skillet Lickers
"Sweet Lady Mary" by The Faces
"Sweet Mary" by Wadsworth Mansion
"Take a Message to Mary" by The Everly Brothers
"The Mary Getaway" by The Working Title
"The Nancy & Mary Music" by Frank Zappa
"The Wind Cries Mary" by Jimi Hendrix
"Tom and Mary" by Ben Folds
"Marys of the Sea" by Tori Amos
"Mary Ann" by Alice Cooper
"Mary Ann" by Harry Belafonte
"Mary Ann" by Ray Charles
"Mary Anne" by Marshall Crenshaw
"Mary Anne with the Shaky Hand" by The Who
"Mary-Anne" by Sam Shaber
"Mary Ellen Makes The Moment Count" by a-ha
"Mary Hooley" by Phranc
"Last Dance With Mary Jane" by Tom Petty
"Mary Jane" by Rick James
"Mary Jane" by Alanis Morissette
"Mary Jane" by The Miracle Workers
"Mary Jane" by The Spin Doctors
"Mary Jane" by Tumbleweed
"What's the New Mary Jane" by The Beatles
"Mary Jean" by Marshall Crenshaw
"Hello, Mary Lou" by Gene Pitney (notable covers by Creedence Clearwater Revival, Ricky Nelson, The Statler Brothers)
"Mary Lee Jones" by Lindsey Buckingham
"Mary Lou" by Bob Seger
"Mary Long" by Deep Purple
"Mary Melody" by Mad Caddies
Find Your Song.
Friday, July 28, 2006
Elevator Talk
I get on the elevator at the sixth floor. Mr. Overtanned Business Executive Who Drives a Lexus is already on the elevator, along with Cute New Secretary. He is explaining to her, as best as I can tell in six flights of travel, the philosophy of their office culture:
"You see, too many people get caught up in 'hi,' 'how are you,' 'can you believe how hot it is' small talk, and never get to the meat of what they really mean--'you have bad breath,' for example, is something you would say to a friend, but not to someone you have to tiptoe around... OH I'm just using that as an example, I'm not saying that YOU have bad breath."
And then I bust in with: GREAT! I think you're a TOOL.
No, I don't really, but I wish I could have.
"You see, too many people get caught up in 'hi,' 'how are you,' 'can you believe how hot it is' small talk, and never get to the meat of what they really mean--'you have bad breath,' for example, is something you would say to a friend, but not to someone you have to tiptoe around... OH I'm just using that as an example, I'm not saying that YOU have bad breath."
And then I bust in with: GREAT! I think you're a TOOL.
No, I don't really, but I wish I could have.
Thursday, July 27, 2006
When I have fears that I may cease to be
This book called Fears of Your Life c/o Mighty Goods reminds me of a writing prompt I learned about in a WITS training.
In the prompt, aimed at middle school and higher grades, students read a poem which is essentially the author's litany of fears, written as graphically and explicitly as possible. (I can't find the poem right now, but will update if I do.)
In conjunction, students either visit or look at prints of Andy Warhol's electric chair prints, some of which are housed in the Menil Collection.
The idea is to face your nightmares head on, write them down on paper where they will cease to be as horrible as they seem in the receases of your mind.
Some examples:
-That I will fall on a sharp stick and piece my eyeball
-That roaches will crawl into my head through my ears
-That a nuclear bomb will hit, and I will watch my skin burning from my bones.
You get the idea.
Not surprisingly, middle school kids LOVE this stuff. Even the reluctant writers, when given permission, could fill pages upon pages of horrible, frightening, sad and often revealing fears.
A "gateway" prompt to other types of writing.
I was not the world's best teacher, but it makes me sad that this information lives in my head and not in classrooms where it might be useful. If you are a teacher who has stumbled upon this page, I recommend calling the WITS people to see if they have any upcoming teacher training. Seriously cool stuff.
In the prompt, aimed at middle school and higher grades, students read a poem which is essentially the author's litany of fears, written as graphically and explicitly as possible. (I can't find the poem right now, but will update if I do.)
In conjunction, students either visit or look at prints of Andy Warhol's electric chair prints, some of which are housed in the Menil Collection.
The idea is to face your nightmares head on, write them down on paper where they will cease to be as horrible as they seem in the receases of your mind.
Some examples:
-That I will fall on a sharp stick and piece my eyeball
-That roaches will crawl into my head through my ears
-That a nuclear bomb will hit, and I will watch my skin burning from my bones.
You get the idea.
Not surprisingly, middle school kids LOVE this stuff. Even the reluctant writers, when given permission, could fill pages upon pages of horrible, frightening, sad and often revealing fears.
A "gateway" prompt to other types of writing.
I was not the world's best teacher, but it makes me sad that this information lives in my head and not in classrooms where it might be useful. If you are a teacher who has stumbled upon this page, I recommend calling the WITS people to see if they have any upcoming teacher training. Seriously cool stuff.
Friday, July 21, 2006
The Lady in the Whaaa?
Y'all, I'm starting to think that rottentomatoes.com is just whack. I know, I know--don't shoot the messenger. Ok, maybe the film critics are just pissed at their fictional and amusing demise.
Lady in the Water? Completely delightful. The only beef I have, if you can call it that, is M. Night Shamayalamamamaaman making himself the savior of the world.
And even that is sort of excusable because it's his fairy tale, goddammit.
I wanna make a movie!!
(ed.) As a footnote, having recently read [the first three chapters of] Jim Collin's book Good To Great, I contend that Cleveland Heep is a "level 5" leader and over the course of the movie he builds a really "Great" apartment complex. Here's why:
Level 5 Leadership: Moving from good to great starts with leadership, with the will and drive to succeed. Not on a personal level, but for the company to succeed.
--Cleveland Heep operates as a CEO with "personal humility and professional will" focused on making a great company (or in this case, getting Story back to her Blue World) regardless of how crazy people will think he is.
First Who...Then What: Next find the right people to manage and run the business.
--Heep actively seeks out weirdos in his complex who can fit into pre-ordained roles in order to make the ceremony work, and isn't afraid to move, add, or eliminate folks when that doesn't work out.
Control the Brutal Facts: Then look at the facts objectively. What are your core competencies?
--Instead of sitting around and moaning and groaning about "Where are the Tartuics? They were supposed to be here by now! Why is this happening to me?" Heep and Co. focus on what they CAN do in order to help Story escape.
Hedgehog Concept: Then take action based on being the best at what you can be the best at.
--The interpreter interprets, the writer writes, the guardian guards, the healer heals, the guild throws a party, the movie critic dies. No one's going around being all, "I wanna be the guardian! Look I would make a really good guardian..."
Culture of Discipline: Implement the resulting plan rigorously, with discipline and focus.
--How long does Heep hold his breath under water? Like two hours? Case and point.
Lady in the Water? Completely delightful. The only beef I have, if you can call it that, is M. Night Shamayalamamamaaman making himself the savior of the world.
And even that is sort of excusable because it's his fairy tale, goddammit.
I wanna make a movie!!
(ed.) As a footnote, having recently read [the first three chapters of] Jim Collin's book Good To Great, I contend that Cleveland Heep is a "level 5" leader and over the course of the movie he builds a really "Great" apartment complex. Here's why:
Level 5 Leadership: Moving from good to great starts with leadership, with the will and drive to succeed. Not on a personal level, but for the company to succeed.
--Cleveland Heep operates as a CEO with "personal humility and professional will" focused on making a great company (or in this case, getting Story back to her Blue World) regardless of how crazy people will think he is.
First Who...Then What: Next find the right people to manage and run the business.
--Heep actively seeks out weirdos in his complex who can fit into pre-ordained roles in order to make the ceremony work, and isn't afraid to move, add, or eliminate folks when that doesn't work out.
Control the Brutal Facts: Then look at the facts objectively. What are your core competencies?
--Instead of sitting around and moaning and groaning about "Where are the Tartuics? They were supposed to be here by now! Why is this happening to me?" Heep and Co. focus on what they CAN do in order to help Story escape.
Hedgehog Concept: Then take action based on being the best at what you can be the best at.
--The interpreter interprets, the writer writes, the guardian guards, the healer heals, the guild throws a party, the movie critic dies. No one's going around being all, "I wanna be the guardian! Look I would make a really good guardian..."
Culture of Discipline: Implement the resulting plan rigorously, with discipline and focus.
--How long does Heep hold his breath under water? Like two hours? Case and point.
Sunday, July 09, 2006
Out of Yar!m's Way
A while back, I posted some pictures that my friend Michael had taken of Yar! spottings in Houston. I'm not a graffiti aficionado, but I think this is good stuff. Every now and then I'll be driving and some lovable ghosty figure will say "Yar! loves you!" and it's like--awwww--this city is a'ok.
So I found a link to his/her flickr page and it looks like even though Yar! loves the city of Houston, the city of Houston does not love Yar!, and is spending upwards of 2 million to stop the "eyesores." I think that would be very sad, but what do I know.
You can decide for yourself here.
So I found a link to his/her flickr page and it looks like even though Yar! loves the city of Houston, the city of Houston does not love Yar!, and is spending upwards of 2 million to stop the "eyesores." I think that would be very sad, but what do I know.
You can decide for yourself here.
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Monday, July 03, 2006
A Prairie Home Snoozefest
Given my virtual upbringing in Lake Woebegone, I expected to love this movie--and found it a disapointment.
For one, I was expecting (don't ask me why) a fictional MURDER-MYSTERY that takes place on the set of the popular NPR weekend radio show.
As a stand-alone drama, I found the "plot" elements distracting and downright boring.
I don't understand, because it got such positive reviews.
Am I not THE target audience for this film?
What went wrong?
For one, I was expecting (don't ask me why) a fictional MURDER-MYSTERY that takes place on the set of the popular NPR weekend radio show.
As a stand-alone drama, I found the "plot" elements distracting and downright boring.
I don't understand, because it got such positive reviews.
Am I not THE target audience for this film?
What went wrong?
Sunday, June 25, 2006
If you're wondering if you've still got it...
...and you find yourself getting hit on:
1. by a straight dude
2. at the gay bar
3. on PRIDE PARADE day
4. in French
...well, that says something.
Maybe not what you'd like it to say.
But something.
1. by a straight dude
2. at the gay bar
3. on PRIDE PARADE day
4. in French
...well, that says something.
Maybe not what you'd like it to say.
But something.
Monday, June 19, 2006
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
If I Were President...
...and I'm not saying I should be...
...but if I WERE, and some lobbyists/Extreme-Christian-Right came up to me with this banning same-sex marriage bullshiz, I'd be like, "Ok, show me the economic ramifications." (Take note: 5-syllable word there, yo--sans speechwriter)
And they'd be like, "None that we know of. This is really a moral governance issue. It has no economic implications whatsoever."
And I'd be like, "BITCHES--get out of My House! I've got serious sh-t to do. I'm the f-cking PRESIDENT."
What am I missing here?
Don't they have a screening process or something?
Double post!
...but if I WERE, and some lobbyists/Extreme-Christian-Right came up to me with this banning same-sex marriage bullshiz, I'd be like, "Ok, show me the economic ramifications." (Take note: 5-syllable word there, yo--sans speechwriter)
And they'd be like, "None that we know of. This is really a moral governance issue. It has no economic implications whatsoever."
And I'd be like, "BITCHES--get out of My House! I've got serious sh-t to do. I'm the f-cking PRESIDENT."
What am I missing here?
Don't they have a screening process or something?
Double post!
Rumors of My Financial Demise Have Been Greatly Exagerated
Y'all, hold the phones!
I realize some of you out there might be concerned to hear that an American Apparel has sprouted up right under our very noses, not--as expected--downtown or in the Rice Village shopping center, but in the heart of Montrose: right next door to THREE yuppie coffeeshops, a hipster bar, a hipster bookstore, several hipster resale clothing stores, a small contingency of antique stores, and my apartment.
...On second thought, it makes perfect sense.
Not to worry--I have excellent credit and the mental discipline of a--0oooh, shiny object.
Ok, I'm a little worried, too.
I can see it from my HOUSE! Looky all the purdy colors!
This is worse than that Urban Outfitters next to the Sangria Bar. Whoever said that Houston lacks any city planning is lying to your debit card.
I realize some of you out there might be concerned to hear that an American Apparel has sprouted up right under our very noses, not--as expected--downtown or in the Rice Village shopping center, but in the heart of Montrose: right next door to THREE yuppie coffeeshops, a hipster bar, a hipster bookstore, several hipster resale clothing stores, a small contingency of antique stores, and my apartment.
...On second thought, it makes perfect sense.
Not to worry--I have excellent credit and the mental discipline of a--0oooh, shiny object.
Ok, I'm a little worried, too.
I can see it from my HOUSE! Looky all the purdy colors!
This is worse than that Urban Outfitters next to the Sangria Bar. Whoever said that Houston lacks any city planning is lying to your debit card.
Thursday, June 01, 2006
What what?
Ok, so she's CUTE--but still--it's the NATIONAL spelling bee, root word being "nation," meaning the nation of the united states of america, or whatever.
In other words--Canada, go home.
We are VERY pleased that this event is finally being televised on prime-time TV. It's about damn time that nerd-dom was celebrated as the competitive sport it actually is.
[ed.]
p.s. "Runner-up was Finola Mei Hwa Hackett, a 14-year-old Canadian, a confident speller during two days of competition who stumbled on 'weltschmerz,' which means sadness over the evils of the world."
What a fanTAStic word.
[ed.2]
p.p.s.
Did y'all see that? Scripps Spell Bee--what the hell is wrong with you? "Sorry you missed that word, kid--go sit on the floor next to your parents." Invest in some freaking chairs! Or at least let the kid go pout backstage first. Geez Louise.
In other words--Canada, go home.
We are VERY pleased that this event is finally being televised on prime-time TV. It's about damn time that nerd-dom was celebrated as the competitive sport it actually is.
[ed.]
p.s. "Runner-up was Finola Mei Hwa Hackett, a 14-year-old Canadian, a confident speller during two days of competition who stumbled on 'weltschmerz,' which means sadness over the evils of the world."
What a fanTAStic word.
[ed.2]
p.p.s.
Did y'all see that? Scripps Spell Bee--what the hell is wrong with you? "Sorry you missed that word, kid--go sit on the floor next to your parents." Invest in some freaking chairs! Or at least let the kid go pout backstage first. Geez Louise.
Sunday, May 28, 2006
In Which I Game Geek Out... Sorta
I had reached an impasse in Oblivion, the latest from the same people who brought us Morrowind. In the new game, other characters and enemies "level" along with you--meaning that as you get stronger, they get stronger.
Here is how that actually plays out: after a certain level, I spent a good week struggling with the game due to quests I couldn't complete. Having been killed by the blasted trolls 20something times, I would put it aside and go move on to a different quest--only to run into more damn trolls (or their equivalent). When I wasn't swearing at the game, I was swearing at the Gamer Geeks whose message board help consisted of "kill the trolls, then get the treasure." JERKS.
Morrowind was never this frustrating.
Yesterday I fixed the problem by setting the game difficulty to "easy." BAM--troll goes down with one flame bolt. It won't get me any acclaim in message board world, but it will let me move through the game faster and focus on the parts that I enjoy rather than just trying to stay alive all the time.
Point is... wouldn't it be nice if real-life had an "easy" mode?
Here is how that actually plays out: after a certain level, I spent a good week struggling with the game due to quests I couldn't complete. Having been killed by the blasted trolls 20something times, I would put it aside and go move on to a different quest--only to run into more damn trolls (or their equivalent). When I wasn't swearing at the game, I was swearing at the Gamer Geeks whose message board help consisted of "kill the trolls, then get the treasure." JERKS.
Morrowind was never this frustrating.
Yesterday I fixed the problem by setting the game difficulty to "easy." BAM--troll goes down with one flame bolt. It won't get me any acclaim in message board world, but it will let me move through the game faster and focus on the parts that I enjoy rather than just trying to stay alive all the time.
Point is... wouldn't it be nice if real-life had an "easy" mode?
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
The Importance of Being Insured
Two months ago, Richard was in an uninsured at-fault car accident. As part of his court fine, he was required to write (no joke) a two page paper on "why it is important to have car insurance." He was dreading it, but I jumped at the opportunity. The one condition? I get to blog it. Enjoy.
Why it is Important to have Car Insurance; or
Fate is a Cruel Mistress
Two months ago, on my 35th birthday, I was in a rear-end collision that left my car undrivable. As fortune would have it, I had let my car insurance lapse for two weeks in one of those Russian Roulette "I'll get around to renewing it tomorrow" moves that so often backfire miserably. Yes, it was stupid. The damage was assessed at over $5,000. I had only just begun to think about how on Earth I would find the money to pay for the repair when a week later, for unrelated reasons, I was laid off from my job. Happy 35th birthday to me!
The state of Texas requires car insurance for this very reason--when bad things happen (and sometimes all at once) it's important for all parties involved to have a safety net. Within the span of two weeks, I found myself carless, up to my ears in debt, lacking health insurance for my three children (yes I have three kids and yes, it's important to have health insurance, but that is another essay), and mooching off my girlfriend's car to drive to job interviews. I needed a loan to pay for my car to secure a job to get the money to repay the loan--which no one would give me without a job. If I had just paid my car insurance on time (this is where you get to say "we told you so") I would not be in this confounded Catch-22. I would be living the good life and saving up money to purchase a house in Maui with my lovely girlfriend.
Please understand that I am not trying to be flippant or underplay my own personal responsibility for my predicament. I feel horribly about the car I hit, although it was an accident and no one was injured. I feel ridiculous that I am 35 years old and allowed myself to get sucked into such an irresponsible financial mess. I took the first job I was offered in order to get back on my feet, even though it means working help desk support eight hours a day, a task for which I am criminally overqualified. If anyone is the poster child for why it is important to have car insurance, it is me and my Nissan Pathfinder (which I am considering trading down for a more fuel efficient model, if we are ever reunited again). Also, my girlfriend really wants her car back.
Thank you for taking the time to read my essay. I haven't written an essay since grade school, but as you can see, this is a topic I feel rather passionately about. The moral of the story: always renew your car insurance in a timely manner (early is even better!) and for Pete's sake, watch where you're going.
And in case you were wondering... for my 36th birthday, I plan on staying in bed.
Why it is Important to have Car Insurance; or
Fate is a Cruel Mistress
Two months ago, on my 35th birthday, I was in a rear-end collision that left my car undrivable. As fortune would have it, I had let my car insurance lapse for two weeks in one of those Russian Roulette "I'll get around to renewing it tomorrow" moves that so often backfire miserably. Yes, it was stupid. The damage was assessed at over $5,000. I had only just begun to think about how on Earth I would find the money to pay for the repair when a week later, for unrelated reasons, I was laid off from my job. Happy 35th birthday to me!
The state of Texas requires car insurance for this very reason--when bad things happen (and sometimes all at once) it's important for all parties involved to have a safety net. Within the span of two weeks, I found myself carless, up to my ears in debt, lacking health insurance for my three children (yes I have three kids and yes, it's important to have health insurance, but that is another essay), and mooching off my girlfriend's car to drive to job interviews. I needed a loan to pay for my car to secure a job to get the money to repay the loan--which no one would give me without a job. If I had just paid my car insurance on time (this is where you get to say "we told you so") I would not be in this confounded Catch-22. I would be living the good life and saving up money to purchase a house in Maui with my lovely girlfriend.
Please understand that I am not trying to be flippant or underplay my own personal responsibility for my predicament. I feel horribly about the car I hit, although it was an accident and no one was injured. I feel ridiculous that I am 35 years old and allowed myself to get sucked into such an irresponsible financial mess. I took the first job I was offered in order to get back on my feet, even though it means working help desk support eight hours a day, a task for which I am criminally overqualified. If anyone is the poster child for why it is important to have car insurance, it is me and my Nissan Pathfinder (which I am considering trading down for a more fuel efficient model, if we are ever reunited again). Also, my girlfriend really wants her car back.
Thank you for taking the time to read my essay. I haven't written an essay since grade school, but as you can see, this is a topic I feel rather passionately about. The moral of the story: always renew your car insurance in a timely manner (early is even better!) and for Pete's sake, watch where you're going.
And in case you were wondering... for my 36th birthday, I plan on staying in bed.
Sunday, May 21, 2006
I Love SHORTS!
When I was little, pictures show (and my parents confirm) me for entire years wearing only pants, no skirts; or only skirts, no pants. I don't know if we ever figured out this early fashion fickleness, but it doesn't surprise me. In college, finally somewhat secure in my identify, I decided to only purchase red clothing and wear something red every day. It lasted a good year, along with vegetarianism and an eyebrow piercing (not at all the same time).
But these sort of mandates were only possible in the bookend years around adolescence, during which my clothing criteria was "cover up as much as possible and for god's sake, try not to stand out!" So you can imagine how I felt about shorts. On the one hand, every kid I knew wore them. On the other hand, the "hot" style was 1 in. long inseam (oh, the humanity!!) and I did NOT want to be showing off that much leg to the world. The solution? Mom-style denim shorts, rolled up to about 3 inch inseam.
(Mom-style denim shorts are one of those things that, like lipstick, took some time to grow into. When you're young you think, "I look like a clown; this will never work," and then suddenly one day it does. Ageing, friends. It doesn't make sense to me either.)
So when Sarah, my college roommate, declared "I never wear shorts," I saw the first hint of an opportunity--later confirmed by more fashionista friends--to get rid of the damn things altogether, and I never looked back.
But here's the thing: I really love shorts!! If you're at the beach, you can wear men's swimming trunks instead of bikini bottoms and not feel like you're strutting around in underwear for all to see. You can wear them out and sit on the grass INDIAN-STYLE. They're cooler than pants and more user-friendly than skirts. Ahhhh, shorts. I've missed you so much.
Next week: the "bubble skirt," and why it is very very bad.
But these sort of mandates were only possible in the bookend years around adolescence, during which my clothing criteria was "cover up as much as possible and for god's sake, try not to stand out!" So you can imagine how I felt about shorts. On the one hand, every kid I knew wore them. On the other hand, the "hot" style was 1 in. long inseam (oh, the humanity!!) and I did NOT want to be showing off that much leg to the world. The solution? Mom-style denim shorts, rolled up to about 3 inch inseam.
(Mom-style denim shorts are one of those things that, like lipstick, took some time to grow into. When you're young you think, "I look like a clown; this will never work," and then suddenly one day it does. Ageing, friends. It doesn't make sense to me either.)
So when Sarah, my college roommate, declared "I never wear shorts," I saw the first hint of an opportunity--later confirmed by more fashionista friends--to get rid of the damn things altogether, and I never looked back.
But here's the thing: I really love shorts!! If you're at the beach, you can wear men's swimming trunks instead of bikini bottoms and not feel like you're strutting around in underwear for all to see. You can wear them out and sit on the grass INDIAN-STYLE. They're cooler than pants and more user-friendly than skirts. Ahhhh, shorts. I've missed you so much.
Next week: the "bubble skirt," and why it is very very bad.
Thursday, May 18, 2006
The Best of Both Worlds
I think Hispanic immigrants should learn to speak English. I also think Americans should learn to speak Spanish.
Also, I think we can all agree that "rapido!" beats "hurry!" any day of the week for communicating a sense of urgency... maybe we can put it to a vote? (One word at a time, naturally.)
Also, I think we can all agree that "rapido!" beats "hurry!" any day of the week for communicating a sense of urgency... maybe we can put it to a vote? (One word at a time, naturally.)
Monday, May 15, 2006
meeting ADD
It's not that my mental capacity is limited, that anyone in the room lacks intelligence, or that I have trouble focusing.
It's just that when the 3.5 hour committee meeting is over, I seriously want to bash my head against the wall.
And even before the bashing, I still can't remember what I said I'd do over the course of the meeting (it was all there until we rolled past hour 2, and then I lost it), and my notes are indecipherable.
I know it's not appropriate, but it might be more productive if a person were allowed to stop before the urge to bash came upon him/her and announce, "Ok--excuse me, sorry, meeting adjourned! Brain closing down for the evening. We will reconvene later, when I can handle you all again. I was stapling your meeting packets through my lunch break and now it's 5:30 and I haven't eaten and you have to leave. Goodbye for now!"
Meeting tomorrow morning to talk about how we're going to do all the stuff that was decided in today's meeting. I'm going home to play mindless video games. Don't look at me, I just work here.
It's just that when the 3.5 hour committee meeting is over, I seriously want to bash my head against the wall.
And even before the bashing, I still can't remember what I said I'd do over the course of the meeting (it was all there until we rolled past hour 2, and then I lost it), and my notes are indecipherable.
I know it's not appropriate, but it might be more productive if a person were allowed to stop before the urge to bash came upon him/her and announce, "Ok--excuse me, sorry, meeting adjourned! Brain closing down for the evening. We will reconvene later, when I can handle you all again. I was stapling your meeting packets through my lunch break and now it's 5:30 and I haven't eaten and you have to leave. Goodbye for now!"
Meeting tomorrow morning to talk about how we're going to do all the stuff that was decided in today's meeting. I'm going home to play mindless video games. Don't look at me, I just work here.
Unceremonious
A few FAQ:
1. What happened to fruitcakebrigade.com?
I wasn't using it, so I let it expire. I did consider that web domains are the new real estate, but I just didn't see a high paying deal for FCB in my future. Blogspot is free and suits the need for now, and http://fruitcakebrigade.blogspot.com now hosts the archive.
2. Where are the pictures? Why so many broken links?
See above. I saved all .jps on my laptop before they vanished, and have hopes of one day rebirthing them on flickr. As for the missing links, ideally those will one day be fixed, too... but I wouldn't hold my breath about it.
3. The missing links look ugly, and the layout hasn't changes in years. Does it bother you to write in such a poorly programmed site?
Well, yes... but not really. I've always prefered the revision method of "draw a line through it" to "cover it up with white out," and I find a plain spiral-bound notebook as (or more) inspiring to write in than something leather with fancy paper. So here's the real question: should the content of this site be considered published material or an on-going work in progress? Gosh, I dunno.
4. Why won't you put comments back up?
Because I read too much into them (or their absence).
5. How exactly are we definining "frequently" here?
Oh shush. Inquiring minds want to know. They do!
1. What happened to fruitcakebrigade.com?
I wasn't using it, so I let it expire. I did consider that web domains are the new real estate, but I just didn't see a high paying deal for FCB in my future. Blogspot is free and suits the need for now, and http://fruitcakebrigade.blogspot.com now hosts the archive.
2. Where are the pictures? Why so many broken links?
See above. I saved all .jps on my laptop before they vanished, and have hopes of one day rebirthing them on flickr. As for the missing links, ideally those will one day be fixed, too... but I wouldn't hold my breath about it.
3. The missing links look ugly, and the layout hasn't changes in years. Does it bother you to write in such a poorly programmed site?
Well, yes... but not really. I've always prefered the revision method of "draw a line through it" to "cover it up with white out," and I find a plain spiral-bound notebook as (or more) inspiring to write in than something leather with fancy paper. So here's the real question: should the content of this site be considered published material or an on-going work in progress? Gosh, I dunno.
4. Why won't you put comments back up?
Because I read too much into them (or their absence).
5. How exactly are we definining "frequently" here?
Oh shush. Inquiring minds want to know. They do!
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Wrong Number
I'm glad I jumped on the gmail train early. My generic e-mail address affords me tons of fun mail... for other people. See below:
Exhibit A
From: Kevin
Date: May 9, 2006 7:36 PM
Subject: Watergate Trial
I summarized 6/10 witnesses, and found a piece of photographic evidence. I read a lot of the White House tapes transcript, and it lead nowhere. The tapes more or less incriminate Nixon more, so don't waste your time. If have time to complete the other 4 witnesses, that'd be great, othewise I always have tomorrow's class. Kennedy is working on opening and closing statements. I can work with the witnesses tomorrow to solidify thier position during the trial. I can also create some cross-examination questions for the 6 witnesses I summarized, if you can do the 4.
Thanks,
Radmer
Exhibit B
On 5/3/06, SomeoneATaolDOTcom wrote:
www.kansasstatefair.com
Bill Engvall
Friday, Sept. 8 - $25.00
Do I see a road trip from K-State in you guys future, or is there a home
foot ball game?
Love you,
mom
Exhibit C:
From: Angela
Date: Jul 23, 2005 4:09 PM
Subject: Profesor
Hola profesor es angela, de la une , espero esté bien,
le escribo para solicitarle urgente el tlf del prof.
fernando rivero, ya que el que tenemos luz andrea y yo
nos contesta una muchacha , me imagino lo vendió...el
q tenemos es el 04168355660..y nada..Y de verdad nos
urge localizarlo para las corecciones de la tesis...
Si nos los puede enviar se lo agradeceremos...gracias
Exhibit A
From: Kevin
Date: May 9, 2006 7:36 PM
Subject: Watergate Trial
I summarized 6/10 witnesses, and found a piece of photographic evidence. I read a lot of the White House tapes transcript, and it lead nowhere. The tapes more or less incriminate Nixon more, so don't waste your time. If have time to complete the other 4 witnesses, that'd be great, othewise I always have tomorrow's class. Kennedy is working on opening and closing statements. I can work with the witnesses tomorrow to solidify thier position during the trial. I can also create some cross-examination questions for the 6 witnesses I summarized, if you can do the 4.
Thanks,
Radmer
Exhibit B
On 5/3/06, SomeoneATaolDOTcom wrote:
www.kansasstatefair.com
Bill Engvall
Friday, Sept. 8 - $25.00
Do I see a road trip from K-State in you guys future, or is there a home
foot ball game?
Love you,
mom
Exhibit C:
From: Angela
Date: Jul 23, 2005 4:09 PM
Subject: Profesor
Hola profesor es angela, de la une , espero esté bien,
le escribo para solicitarle urgente el tlf del prof.
fernando rivero, ya que el que tenemos luz andrea y yo
nos contesta una muchacha , me imagino lo vendió...el
q tenemos es el 04168355660..y nada..Y de verdad nos
urge localizarlo para las corecciones de la tesis...
Si nos los puede enviar se lo agradeceremos...gracias
Monday, May 08, 2006
Big Bag of Books Day, Part Deux
People sometimes ask me, "Mary--how do you score so well at the public library booksales?" Actually, no one ever asks me that, and I always walk away bragging about my stellar hunting/gathering skills... and no one else seems to care. Phooey on all of you! When executed methodically, one bag for $10 can provide a reading list for the entire summer.
(What they ask me is: "Oh, did you run into Soandso?" No, I didn't. I was concentrating! Big bag of books day is not a time for socializing; it is a time for laser-like focus and reflexes of steel. That said, I did run into Maria. And I sent her away with The God of Small Things. I hope she likes it as much as I do.)
If anyone asked me, I would share my book booty strategy. The following applies to fiction and/or anthology only:
1. Scan, don't try to read every title. You'll make yourself dizzy! Skip right over the "brick books" (you know the ones--the cheap paperback size with the tiny print: think crappy romance novel) and go for the longer, skinnier ones. More often than not, these are newer and in better condition.
2. Look for authors you recognize, classics, and key words like "Booker" "Pulitzer" or "Oprah." You may debate the latter if you wish, but I contend that Oprah is no fool. I wouldn't go buy a book just because she told me so, but by golly I'll throw it in my bag. Skip anything that says "advance copy."
3. Lacking any of the above, testimonials indicate a reasonable chance of success. Kurt Vonnegut, good. John Updike, good. Times Literary Supplement, good. Margaret Atwood--gold.
4. Anthologies are tricky. Try not to think of it as a lifetime commitment. Yes, you are allowed to re-sell or give away the Norton Anthology of Whatever. Stick it in your bag if you want, but think about it--how often will you really read a book that weighs 5 lbs and uses 6 pt Times New Roman font? Moreover, your friends will hate you when it's time to help you move, and it takes up valuable bag space. I'm just sayin'.
5. If it's not in good condition or doesn't smell good, leave it alone. You won't want to read it. Really.
I have no plan of attack for biography or non-fiction. I'm sure they are both very nice sections, and I'd like to become better acquainted, but I just don't know where to start. Roosevelt? Katie Couric? Eminem? EEEEK! Run away!!
This year's Big Bag of Books, with rationale:
A Map of the World - Jane Hamilton (Oprah)
Gertrude and Claudius - John Updike (classic)
The Collector - John Fowles (author of The Magus)
Headlong - Michael Frayn (I think my dad likes him, w/support from Vonnegut)
House of Sand and Fog - Andre Dubus III (Oprah)
Edith Hamilton - Mythology (classic)
Bee Season - Myla Goldberg (Oprah) (I think)
The Plague Dogs - Richard Adams (author of Watership Down)
Open House - Elizabeth Berg (Oprah)
The Sun Also Rises - Hemmingway (classic)
The Beautiful & Damned - Fitzgerald (classic)
The Bluest Eye - Toni Morison (classic)
Lolita - Nabokov (classic)
A Private View - Anita Brookner (Booker author)
Aiding and Abetting - Muriel Spark (testimonial by Updike)
The 100 Best Poems of All Time ('cause I'm lame like that)
The Best America Non-Required Reading 2002 (score!!)
The Best America Poetry 1997 (again with the lameness)
Welcome to My Planet (Where English is Sometimes Spoken) - Shannon Olson (testimonial by Garrison Keillor and Melissa Bank)
Last year's Big Bag of Books selections can be found here.
(What they ask me is: "Oh, did you run into Soandso?" No, I didn't. I was concentrating! Big bag of books day is not a time for socializing; it is a time for laser-like focus and reflexes of steel. That said, I did run into Maria. And I sent her away with The God of Small Things. I hope she likes it as much as I do.)
If anyone asked me, I would share my book booty strategy. The following applies to fiction and/or anthology only:
1. Scan, don't try to read every title. You'll make yourself dizzy! Skip right over the "brick books" (you know the ones--the cheap paperback size with the tiny print: think crappy romance novel) and go for the longer, skinnier ones. More often than not, these are newer and in better condition.
2. Look for authors you recognize, classics, and key words like "Booker" "Pulitzer" or "Oprah." You may debate the latter if you wish, but I contend that Oprah is no fool. I wouldn't go buy a book just because she told me so, but by golly I'll throw it in my bag. Skip anything that says "advance copy."
3. Lacking any of the above, testimonials indicate a reasonable chance of success. Kurt Vonnegut, good. John Updike, good. Times Literary Supplement, good. Margaret Atwood--gold.
4. Anthologies are tricky. Try not to think of it as a lifetime commitment. Yes, you are allowed to re-sell or give away the Norton Anthology of Whatever. Stick it in your bag if you want, but think about it--how often will you really read a book that weighs 5 lbs and uses 6 pt Times New Roman font? Moreover, your friends will hate you when it's time to help you move, and it takes up valuable bag space. I'm just sayin'.
5. If it's not in good condition or doesn't smell good, leave it alone. You won't want to read it. Really.
I have no plan of attack for biography or non-fiction. I'm sure they are both very nice sections, and I'd like to become better acquainted, but I just don't know where to start. Roosevelt? Katie Couric? Eminem? EEEEK! Run away!!
This year's Big Bag of Books, with rationale:
A Map of the World - Jane Hamilton (Oprah)
Gertrude and Claudius - John Updike (classic)
The Collector - John Fowles (author of The Magus)
Headlong - Michael Frayn (I think my dad likes him, w/support from Vonnegut)
House of Sand and Fog - Andre Dubus III (Oprah)
Edith Hamilton - Mythology (classic)
Bee Season - Myla Goldberg (Oprah) (I think)
The Plague Dogs - Richard Adams (author of Watership Down)
Open House - Elizabeth Berg (Oprah)
The Sun Also Rises - Hemmingway (classic)
The Beautiful & Damned - Fitzgerald (classic)
The Bluest Eye - Toni Morison (classic)
Lolita - Nabokov (classic)
A Private View - Anita Brookner (Booker author)
Aiding and Abetting - Muriel Spark (testimonial by Updike)
The 100 Best Poems of All Time ('cause I'm lame like that)
The Best America Non-Required Reading 2002 (score!!)
The Best America Poetry 1997 (again with the lameness)
Welcome to My Planet (Where English is Sometimes Spoken) - Shannon Olson (testimonial by Garrison Keillor and Melissa Bank)
Last year's Big Bag of Books selections can be found here.
Sunday, May 07, 2006
Average and loving it!
Two months ago I succumed to reality and dyed my hair dark brown. While my "natural" hair color (whatever that looks like) is probably lighter than it is now, it's certainly not blonde. Not since I was eight.
And the funny thing is--no one really noticed. That's right, folks; I went from "lightest ivory blonde" to "darkest ash brown," and hardly anyone batted an eye. What has happened is a series of mistaken identities: from an education fundraiser who swears up and down we have met before, to a recent Houston transplant from South Carolina whom I met at Chances, to a visiting member of our national TFA development team who says I look just like her sister.
I am of completely average stature and weight. I look exactly my age. There is nothing distinct about my appearance. I have accomplished my ultimate 12-year-old self-conscious fantasy of, "Blend, baby, blend!"
We've probably never met before, but I look so familiar...
And the funny thing is--no one really noticed. That's right, folks; I went from "lightest ivory blonde" to "darkest ash brown," and hardly anyone batted an eye. What has happened is a series of mistaken identities: from an education fundraiser who swears up and down we have met before, to a recent Houston transplant from South Carolina whom I met at Chances, to a visiting member of our national TFA development team who says I look just like her sister.
I am of completely average stature and weight. I look exactly my age. There is nothing distinct about my appearance. I have accomplished my ultimate 12-year-old self-conscious fantasy of, "Blend, baby, blend!"
We've probably never met before, but I look so familiar...
Sunday, April 30, 2006
Things That Satisfy Me More Than They Should
1. When a four-way stop is fully utilized and everything works out just swell! When everyone knows exactly when it's his/her turn to go and there are no false starts and stops or unneccesary delays, I always drive away feeling sort of smug, like, "Gosh, we are good drivers!"
2. PINK lemonade. What makes it pink? Nobody really cares.
3. Eating each piece of the sandwich/salad individually. Avacados--yum! Tomato--yum! Bread--yum! Cheese--yum!
4. Pinkisthenewblog. Hellooooo celebrity dirt!
2. PINK lemonade. What makes it pink? Nobody really cares.
3. Eating each piece of the sandwich/salad individually. Avacados--yum! Tomato--yum! Bread--yum! Cheese--yum!
4. Pinkisthenewblog. Hellooooo celebrity dirt!
Monday, April 24, 2006
In which I totally slander Meg Cabot
I was thinking, this morning in the shower, about human response to artistic endeavors. Specifically, artist response to artistic endeavors.
For example--I fancy myself a writer. Let's narrow this definition to exclude talent and include personal identification only. It is not important if you think I am a writer; if I think I'm a writer (or if I don't), it will affect the way I react to writing.
I am fairly certain crafters categorize their craft into four distinct boxes:
1. I like it, and I could have done it (possibly better).
2. I like it, and I could never have done it.
3. I could have done it, but I don't like it.
4. I couldn't (wouldn't?) have done it, and I don't like it.
TRUE LIFE (PERSONAL) EXAMPLES:
1. Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life: Brilliant! I love the choppy style, the lists, and the cross-referencing. I would like to try this style with my own life. The author reminds me of all the things I like about ME! I want to buy her a Starbucks latte and take her roller skating. I feel self-affirmed by this book, but I'm kicking myself that I didn't try it first. See also: Elizabeth Bishop; Love That Dog; Stiff; most memoirs.
2. The People of Paper: Holy crap! Just read the book jacket. I couldn't have dreamed this whack story up in a million years. Against all odds, I identify with it and love it. (And you will, too.) I admire the author and I would like to engage in a torrid love affair with him, but I'd probably be too shy to get out more than "will you please sign my book?"--if that. See also: the Blind Assassin, Maus, Life of Pi, Alain De Botton's On Love; most fiction.
3. Every Boy's Got One: Sure, I could write this. I could also watch American Idol and dine at Denny's, but I wouldn't feel much satisfaction from that, either. The author reminds me of one of those girls from my high school who wrote rhyming poems back when. What? Don't feel sorry for her. She got to have tea with Julie Andrews. This type of writing makes me feel CATTY. See also: poems by Jewel, books available via Microsoft reader only, most Houston Press articles.
4. (This is the only category where books don't come immediately to mind. Maybe because I subconsciously avoid them in the first place. I could say Ulysses, but that feels like cheating because it's the only non-contemporary book on the list; that and I don't like it but I definitely admire it. Ok, I like parts.) Recently published: Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close. Yes, ok, you win Mr. Safron Foer (if that IS your real name)--no I couldn't have thought of all those crazy chapters or played volleyball with the English language the way you have in your novel. But that doesn't mean I have to LIKE it. See also: technical books, non-creative non-fiction.
But Mary, you say. This is just personal preference. There's nothing new or original about that.
Ok, let's apply it to art:
1.
2.
3.
4.
Ok, maybe this idea is overly simplistic and definitely not as rewarding as it felt in the shower this morning. (Speaking of drains...) And there's plenty of art that falls into category 3 that works as art simply because someone thought to do it, whereas my book category 3s don't work because everyone has done them already--and better than you, JEWEL.
Requires future thought: personal perceptions of to what extent natural talent + training = ability. (Do we all truly believe that with enough practice, training, time, and reaching for the stars we can actually GET to the stars; or are we accepting of natural barriers/talents separating ourselves from "the greats"?)
For example--I fancy myself a writer. Let's narrow this definition to exclude talent and include personal identification only. It is not important if you think I am a writer; if I think I'm a writer (or if I don't), it will affect the way I react to writing.
I am fairly certain crafters categorize their craft into four distinct boxes:
1. I like it, and I could have done it (possibly better).
2. I like it, and I could never have done it.
3. I could have done it, but I don't like it.
4. I couldn't (wouldn't?) have done it, and I don't like it.
TRUE LIFE (PERSONAL) EXAMPLES:
1. Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life: Brilliant! I love the choppy style, the lists, and the cross-referencing. I would like to try this style with my own life. The author reminds me of all the things I like about ME! I want to buy her a Starbucks latte and take her roller skating. I feel self-affirmed by this book, but I'm kicking myself that I didn't try it first. See also: Elizabeth Bishop; Love That Dog; Stiff; most memoirs.
2. The People of Paper: Holy crap! Just read the book jacket. I couldn't have dreamed this whack story up in a million years. Against all odds, I identify with it and love it. (And you will, too.) I admire the author and I would like to engage in a torrid love affair with him, but I'd probably be too shy to get out more than "will you please sign my book?"--if that. See also: the Blind Assassin, Maus, Life of Pi, Alain De Botton's On Love; most fiction.
3. Every Boy's Got One: Sure, I could write this. I could also watch American Idol and dine at Denny's, but I wouldn't feel much satisfaction from that, either. The author reminds me of one of those girls from my high school who wrote rhyming poems back when. What? Don't feel sorry for her. She got to have tea with Julie Andrews. This type of writing makes me feel CATTY. See also: poems by Jewel, books available via Microsoft reader only, most Houston Press articles.
4. (This is the only category where books don't come immediately to mind. Maybe because I subconsciously avoid them in the first place. I could say Ulysses, but that feels like cheating because it's the only non-contemporary book on the list; that and I don't like it but I definitely admire it. Ok, I like parts.) Recently published: Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close. Yes, ok, you win Mr. Safron Foer (if that IS your real name)--no I couldn't have thought of all those crazy chapters or played volleyball with the English language the way you have in your novel. But that doesn't mean I have to LIKE it. See also: technical books, non-creative non-fiction.
But Mary, you say. This is just personal preference. There's nothing new or original about that.
Ok, let's apply it to art:
1.
2.
3.
4.
Ok, maybe this idea is overly simplistic and definitely not as rewarding as it felt in the shower this morning. (Speaking of drains...) And there's plenty of art that falls into category 3 that works as art simply because someone thought to do it, whereas my book category 3s don't work because everyone has done them already--and better than you, JEWEL.
Requires future thought: personal perceptions of to what extent natural talent + training = ability. (Do we all truly believe that with enough practice, training, time, and reaching for the stars we can actually GET to the stars; or are we accepting of natural barriers/talents separating ourselves from "the greats"?)
Friday, April 21, 2006
The Trouble With Emoticons
From a messenger conversation earlier re: work benefits:
Ka'rin says:
retirement is 403
Ka'rin says:
lol
Mary says:
403 BEER?
Ka'rin says:
that was supposed to be ( b )
Ka'rin says:
Ka'rin says:
403 ( b )
Mary says:
i wish we got 403 beers
Ka'rin says:
lol
Ka'rin says:
that would be nice
Mary says:
that would be awesome
Ka'rin says:
retirement is 403
Ka'rin says:
lol
Mary says:
403 BEER?
Ka'rin says:
that was supposed to be ( b )
Ka'rin says:
Ka'rin says:
403 ( b )
Mary says:
i wish we got 403 beers
Ka'rin says:
lol
Ka'rin says:
that would be nice
Mary says:
that would be awesome
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Lost and Found
In searching through documents from my old laptop, I found an assignment that Azi and Andrea had been working on for an ESL certification class. It looks like they didn't get very far. I dunno anything about sentence trees, but I thought I'd answer the questions.
2. Draw Surface Structure trees for the following:
A. Yes/No Questions
1. Has the rain finally stopped?
The rain comes in odd intervals and drowns the city in a moment's notice. Yes, it will stop. But the mess it leaves behind will last for hours.
2. Do you like cream in your coffee?
Cream and no sugar in very strong brew.
3. Were the police not notified about the theft?
The police were notified about the theft. They proved wholly useless.
4. Could he have locked the keys in his car?
He's fairly good with car keys. She, on the other hand...
B. Wh-Questions
1. Who always arrives late?
"On second thought..."
2. Why didn't you tell me immediately?
I thought you already knew.
3. What could Mary have been thinking about?
Actually, Mary was thinking about how to answer the question about what could Mary have been thinking about the question of what could--AHHHH!
4. Did Sue ever say when she was leaving?
She might have. I was busy with question 3.
2. Draw Surface Structure trees for the following:
A. Yes/No Questions
1. Has the rain finally stopped?
The rain comes in odd intervals and drowns the city in a moment's notice. Yes, it will stop. But the mess it leaves behind will last for hours.
2. Do you like cream in your coffee?
Cream and no sugar in very strong brew.
3. Were the police not notified about the theft?
The police were notified about the theft. They proved wholly useless.
4. Could he have locked the keys in his car?
He's fairly good with car keys. She, on the other hand...
B. Wh-Questions
1. Who always arrives late?
"On second thought..."
2. Why didn't you tell me immediately?
I thought you already knew.
3. What could Mary have been thinking about?
Actually, Mary was thinking about how to answer the question about what could Mary have been thinking about the question of what could--AHHHH!
4. Did Sue ever say when she was leaving?
She might have. I was busy with question 3.
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
For the Record... (resp. req.)
You know, at work, I answer every e-mail requesting a response. Sometimes it's easy, like "what is your new address" or "do we have contact information for Mr. X?"; and sometimes it's more complex.
Nevertheless--some kind of response. Within 48 hours. Even the whack e-mails.
(Ok, not always within 48 hours, but that is the goal turn-around time.)
And sometimes, when I'm answering the most whack of all e-mails, or when I'm staring at whack e-mail trying to imagine what inspired someone to write it in the first place, and why they chose to send it to me, I think about all the e-mails I've sent from a professional standpoint that have received absolutely. no. response.
Like the e-mail I sent to the guy who wrote about Houston's top public high schools--Yes College Prep was #3, and I wrote to him to let him know that Yes! was founded by a TFA alum, and KIPP too, and additionally here's what we're doing in Houston in case he was interested for future education spotlights or wanted to chat with our executive director.
No. response. Maybe he thought it was a little whack, but I thought I was providing him with a good lead. Or maybe he got some REALLY whack emails as a result of the article and decided to just ignore them all.
There are other examples. You don't really need details.
In short: I respond to your whack e-mail; why won't people respond to mine?
And, more importantly: When (if ever), and under what circumstances, do I get to just hit delete? At what level of professional prestige does it become acceptable to not answer every e-mail?
Just curious.
Nevertheless--some kind of response. Within 48 hours. Even the whack e-mails.
(Ok, not always within 48 hours, but that is the goal turn-around time.)
And sometimes, when I'm answering the most whack of all e-mails, or when I'm staring at whack e-mail trying to imagine what inspired someone to write it in the first place, and why they chose to send it to me, I think about all the e-mails I've sent from a professional standpoint that have received absolutely. no. response.
Like the e-mail I sent to the guy who wrote about Houston's top public high schools--Yes College Prep was #3, and I wrote to him to let him know that Yes! was founded by a TFA alum, and KIPP too, and additionally here's what we're doing in Houston in case he was interested for future education spotlights or wanted to chat with our executive director.
No. response. Maybe he thought it was a little whack, but I thought I was providing him with a good lead. Or maybe he got some REALLY whack emails as a result of the article and decided to just ignore them all.
There are other examples. You don't really need details.
In short: I respond to your whack e-mail; why won't people respond to mine?
And, more importantly: When (if ever), and under what circumstances, do I get to just hit delete? At what level of professional prestige does it become acceptable to not answer every e-mail?
Just curious.
Monday, April 17, 2006
Voyage Along the Whatever
From Voyage Along the Horizon; an interview with the author:
"What would you tell readers who don't know what to make of the ending?"
JM: "That the end of a novel isn't usually very important. In fact, people never seem to remember the endings of novels... conclusions and final explanations are often the most irrelevent--and disapointing--parts of a novel. What counts the most--and what we remember the most--is the atmosphere, the style, the path, the journey, and the world in which we have immersed ourselves for a few hours or days."
FUCK YOU, JAVIER MARIAS.
WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO THAT DUDE IN SCOTLAND? AND HOW IS THE WOMAN RELATED TO THE SHIP? I MUST KNOW!!!
I get that you're making a literary statement, but DAMMIT!!!
"What would you tell readers who don't know what to make of the ending?"
JM: "That the end of a novel isn't usually very important. In fact, people never seem to remember the endings of novels... conclusions and final explanations are often the most irrelevent--and disapointing--parts of a novel. What counts the most--and what we remember the most--is the atmosphere, the style, the path, the journey, and the world in which we have immersed ourselves for a few hours or days."
FUCK YOU, JAVIER MARIAS.
WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO THAT DUDE IN SCOTLAND? AND HOW IS THE WOMAN RELATED TO THE SHIP? I MUST KNOW!!!
I get that you're making a literary statement, but DAMMIT!!!
Sunday, April 16, 2006
Full Circle
1. On Thursday night, I received the list of people invited to join next year's "teefa" corps; of particular interest were the seven I interviewed who met the acceptance rubric. This is the first time that I've personally played a role in the inception of new corps members. I cursed selection the entire time I was doing it, but now I understand--it lends ownership to the product I sell everyday. These aren't just random corps members; they are MY corps members, and they are friggin' awesome.
2. On Friday evening we held a baby shower/going away party for Debi, who moves to a secret city in Tennessee this weekend with her husband and not-yet-birthed baby Olive. We all started crying as soon as Debi and Harley left the driveway, which led to a reminiscent "Who met who through whom?" conversation.
3. Later, in the car, R.J. asked if I was going to cry any more. "The thing is," I answered through tight throat, "I'm sad that Debi's leaving, but it's not just Debi. Last year when Lana and Andrea and Jen all left, I had just started a new job--I was busy, I had sh-t to do--I didn't have time to be sad or cry. Now I have time, and I'm sad about all of it."
4. The inner dialogue strikes back: And let's not try to portray ourselves as saints. Anytime we're sad because x person left, our emotions are wholly engrossed in self-pity as well. How could she leave me? I feel abandoned. He managed to leave here, and I have not been able to do, which means I must be a loser. I talk grad school, and she's actually doing it. I talk marriage and kids, and he's actually doing it. In short, in this light of leaving, our own accomplishments and worth seem irrationally pale and indistinguishable.
5. Q: When is it hard to keep in touch with those who have left/you have left?
A: When you're not sure they'd approve of your life in their absence.
2. On Friday evening we held a baby shower/going away party for Debi, who moves to a secret city in Tennessee this weekend with her husband and not-yet-birthed baby Olive. We all started crying as soon as Debi and Harley left the driveway, which led to a reminiscent "Who met who through whom?" conversation.
3. Later, in the car, R.J. asked if I was going to cry any more. "The thing is," I answered through tight throat, "I'm sad that Debi's leaving, but it's not just Debi. Last year when Lana and Andrea and Jen all left, I had just started a new job--I was busy, I had sh-t to do--I didn't have time to be sad or cry. Now I have time, and I'm sad about all of it."
4. The inner dialogue strikes back: And let's not try to portray ourselves as saints. Anytime we're sad because x person left, our emotions are wholly engrossed in self-pity as well. How could she leave me? I feel abandoned. He managed to leave here, and I have not been able to do, which means I must be a loser. I talk grad school, and she's actually doing it. I talk marriage and kids, and he's actually doing it. In short, in this light of leaving, our own accomplishments and worth seem irrationally pale and indistinguishable.
5. Q: When is it hard to keep in touch with those who have left/you have left?
A: When you're not sure they'd approve of your life in their absence.
Monday, April 10, 2006
One day, all children in this nation will have the opportunity to work a minimum wage job?
Houston News 11 just reported that students at Lee High School (where a number of my favorite people teach/taught) demonstrated today as part of a city-wide protest against the proposed immigration law.
You know the one I'm talking about.
I'm not going to go off on Bush because you've all heard it before--it's a stupid idea by a stupid man elected by a stupid "majority," but whatever. I'm not even going to go off on immigration policy in general because that, dear readers, is a far more complicated issue leading to a wide range of valid opinions.
(I'm not even sure where I fall on the "send them all back to Mexico" vs. "mi casa es su casa" continuum, although I have to say I'm not all that impressed with most English-only speakers.)
I do, however, have strong feelings about the signs being displayed by the students of Lee High School. "We're not Terrorists; We're Workers!" one sign says. This alongside the arguments I've been hearing of, "Well, immigrants take jobs that no one else wants to do. You didn't get a college degree to clean toilets, after all."
True enough. I got a college degree because my teachers and parents and I and everyone expected me to go to college.
Are we honestly taking the mindset that Mexican immigrants can and should be granted citizenship in order to work our minimum wage paying labor jobs? Is that the best pro-immigration argument we can come up with? Lee High School students! You've been taught better than that! You are going to go to college and be writers and journalists and CEOs and small business owners. AMERICA SHOULD EXPECT IT OF YOU, or I should quit my job immediately.
We need scientists, technicians, and engineers, and we're turning out highly skilled jobs faster than my or your generation can fill them up (that includes the suburban kids, and you're already behind). You kids!--you Nike-wearing, pledge-saying, R.L.Stein-reading, Napoleon-Dynamite-watching, American immigrants and children of immigrants!--go back to class tomorrow and show these nimrods you mean business.
I mean GOSH.
#@$#@$!($*@(#*!@(#*!@(#$*!@.
Ok, done.
You know the one I'm talking about.
I'm not going to go off on Bush because you've all heard it before--it's a stupid idea by a stupid man elected by a stupid "majority," but whatever. I'm not even going to go off on immigration policy in general because that, dear readers, is a far more complicated issue leading to a wide range of valid opinions.
(I'm not even sure where I fall on the "send them all back to Mexico" vs. "mi casa es su casa" continuum, although I have to say I'm not all that impressed with most English-only speakers.)
I do, however, have strong feelings about the signs being displayed by the students of Lee High School. "We're not Terrorists; We're Workers!" one sign says. This alongside the arguments I've been hearing of, "Well, immigrants take jobs that no one else wants to do. You didn't get a college degree to clean toilets, after all."
True enough. I got a college degree because my teachers and parents and I and everyone expected me to go to college.
Are we honestly taking the mindset that Mexican immigrants can and should be granted citizenship in order to work our minimum wage paying labor jobs? Is that the best pro-immigration argument we can come up with? Lee High School students! You've been taught better than that! You are going to go to college and be writers and journalists and CEOs and small business owners. AMERICA SHOULD EXPECT IT OF YOU, or I should quit my job immediately.
We need scientists, technicians, and engineers, and we're turning out highly skilled jobs faster than my or your generation can fill them up (that includes the suburban kids, and you're already behind). You kids!--you Nike-wearing, pledge-saying, R.L.Stein-reading, Napoleon-Dynamite-watching, American immigrants and children of immigrants!--go back to class tomorrow and show these nimrods you mean business.
I mean GOSH.
#@$#@$!($*@(#*!@(#*!@(#$*!@.
Ok, done.
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Narrowly-averted 15 minutes of fame
The Washington Post online just posted a not-terribly-in-depth look at the rise of teacher blogs (a subject I know a little bit about--why do you think this blog is "tippy top secret"?).
They link to First Year Teacher, who is actually a third year teacher in North Carolina. Something about the tone, title and location led me to think, "hmmmm..." and a quick trip to the archives confirmed her involvement with a certain acroynm we all know and love.
I'm a little bit jealous and ultimately relieved that mine wasn't singled out this way.
Not to mention that "Today in class..." generally begins a more interesting story than "Today I was writing this grant..."
They link to First Year Teacher, who is actually a third year teacher in North Carolina. Something about the tone, title and location led me to think, "hmmmm..." and a quick trip to the archives confirmed her involvement with a certain acroynm we all know and love.
I'm a little bit jealous and ultimately relieved that mine wasn't singled out this way.
Not to mention that "Today in class..." generally begins a more interesting story than "Today I was writing this grant..."
Monday, April 03, 2006
Mary Converses with Utah
M: It's cold and I want to go home.
Mountains: Look at us! We're all snowcapped and majestic!
M: Stupid snooty mountains.
Apple Beer: Come on, you love us.
M: I do love you, apple beer. What's with all the Pepsi products, anyway?
Visitor Parking: I have placed impenetrable orange cones in all my spots. You cannot possibly park here. Go home, agnostic.
BYU: We saw you move that cone. You owe us $20 or else we will withhold your non-existent student records and/or impound your rental car. Please take this complementary pen to write us a check immediately.
M: Thanks! Could I take home some sacred underwear instead?
Utah: We don't think you're very funny.
M: Likewise.
Mountains: Look at us! We're all snowcapped and majestic!
M: Stupid snooty mountains.
Apple Beer: Come on, you love us.
M: I do love you, apple beer. What's with all the Pepsi products, anyway?
Visitor Parking: I have placed impenetrable orange cones in all my spots. You cannot possibly park here. Go home, agnostic.
BYU: We saw you move that cone. You owe us $20 or else we will withhold your non-existent student records and/or impound your rental car. Please take this complementary pen to write us a check immediately.
M: Thanks! Could I take home some sacred underwear instead?
Utah: We don't think you're very funny.
M: Likewise.
Friday, March 31, 2006
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
Defining Moments
The scene: *Fall Out Boy concert, crowded floor
Random Kid: Excuse us, nerd.
Mary: ...Did I just get called a nerd at a tween show?
Richard: Yes, baby.
Mary: That's awesome! I changed my mind--can I have those earplugs now?
*This is not an endorsement of above band.
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Recommendations
In Books:
Smashed, Story of a Drunken Girlhood
The Year of Magical Thinking
There could be one more book here but McSweeney's won't answer my e-mails. Send me my damn book, already!!
In movies:
The Weatherman
Lord of War
(Wait, baby, what's going on with your netflicks? Is this a running Nicolas Cage theme or what?)
Four Rooms
In restaurants:
Latina Cafe on Fairview: banana tacos!
Pepino's Italian Restaurant: the booths are big and they don't care if you sit together on the same side
Ya Ya Mary's: for obvious reasons
In entertainment:
Sitting on the bridge over 45 and watching the cars whiz by
Sissyfight
Get on the guest list
In work:
Prioritize
Go to lunch with a friend
Your professional best interest is the success of your team; do what it takes, even when its not sexy
In life:
Be a person people want to be around
Get rid of negative influences
Spend more time with a dog
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Thursday, March 02, 2006
Monday, February 27, 2006
Whole Foods? Wholly Useless.
The scene: Mary, bewildered in a sea of homeopathic remedies.
Whole Foods Employee: "Can I help you find something?"
M: "I'm looking for the equivalent to ibuprofen."
WFE: "Umm... we don't really sell anything like that."
M: "How about a general pain med?"
WFE: "...no."
M: "Cramps?"
WFE: "Well... we sell flax seed oil."
M: "Nevermind."
Sunday, February 26, 2006
A friend, indeed.
via phone...
M: Hey, where are you?
R: Walkin' the dog.
M: Ok. I'm at your apartment.
R: Well, I should be home in about 10 minutes.
M: It's cool--the door was open, so I came in and poured myself some coffee and got a snack and used your internet, and then it occured to me that I should call and make sure you weren't abducted.
R: That's great... could you maybe put some laundry in...?
Friday, February 24, 2006
What, exactly.
I have mixed feelings about the work of Mary Oliver. Sometimes it gets a little "be one with the Buddha" and I feel the same way I feel in yoga classes when they start "om"ing: Hey wait, we were stretching and it was all good, what's with this new age crap?, because obviously I don't know how to be idle; I'm useless if not occupied. Yet something in this poem has always resonated with me, especially around birthdays. So here goes.
from "The Summer Day"
...I don't know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Forever Young
A Public Service Announcement:
It is with profound regret that we must announce the cancellation of the celebration of Mary's birth, and the subsequent cessation of all aging and rituals thereafter. Please to return all gifts and congratulatory notices at earliest convenience.
All comments and inquiries may be addressed elsewhere.
-mgmt
Monday, February 06, 2006
Self-indulgent
In less than a week, I will be here:
Doing this:
1 Galveston, Texas 4:00 PM
2 At Sea
3 Costa Maya (Mahahual), Mexico 10:00 AM 7:00 PM
4 Belize City, Belize 8:00 AM 6:00 PM
5 Playa del Carmen, Mexico 8:00 AM 6:00 PM
6 Cozumel, Mexico 7:00 AM 5:00 PM
7 At Sea
8 Galveston, Texas 7:00 AM
Drinking these:
Don't look at me like that. I've earned it.
Thursday, January 12, 2006
Yarr!n
I recently befriended a tag-team of graffiti knitters known as "Knitta!" or "Knitta, please," profiled in the Houston Press.
Today, this message:
"Many, many of you have professed the desire to start bombing your respective hoods with your own knitted tags, inspired by Knitta! We love it. We love and appreciate all of the enthusiasm and support pouring in from all over the globe. This is really exciting and keeps us smilin'!
Well, my fellow knitta's and I have sat and discussed the possibility of Knitta factions in other cities, while still being able to maintain a distinct point of origin here in H-Town and specific Knitta-isms that we hold dear. Here's what we've decided:
There's no monopoly on knitting or graffiti. Anyone, anywhere, can do these things. We've only elevated a new trend of combining those two activities and given ourselves street names. This is definitely open to the public. We'd love to see other people tagging with knitted items! We think that'd be great!
Here's the sticky part though... We'd like for you to tag under your own unique crew name and individual tags. We'd rather reserve the name "Knitta" and the phrase "Knitta, Please" for ourselves. That's our crew and our motto. Just like graffiti crews everywhere, they all paint, but they all have different names. I think it would be amazing to see different "crews" popping up all over the world, installing little knitted hugs across their cities. Now, when you get "discovered" and start getting press, it'd be great if you threw a wink and a nod in our direction for the inspiration. I think that's fair. We'll nod right back, in the form of posting tag photos and letters you send to us on our website (as soon as we actually go live!). We can even have a list of crew names and locations, complete with photos, on a page - just like graffiti sites.
I hope you understand about the name issue. We think that's the best way possible for this to take off globally (as it should!) and maintain our roots. Cool? Cool.
Now get to knittin'!
L, AKrylik (Knitta Crew)"
I don't really have any desire for knit-tagging (since it currently takes me eight months to complete a scarf) but I approve of this trend. I also approve of the recent upsurge of smart, sassy "Yar!" graffiti:
...photographed here by Michael.
Yep. My city is cooler than yours.
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
"Do you go to the cat scratch club?"
So, my nails are totally buffed from attempting to model proper behavior, but Zuleika just does not GET the scratchy box:
She'd rather scratch on this:
Can you blame her?
We're both feeling particularly cat-like these days and prone to sudden fits or bouts of intense moping. Watch out, world.
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