Making Amends

1. Today, due to luck 'o the parking spot, I found myself back at Taquito, which royally pissed me off last time over a misunderstanding of the fundamental components of a torta. I thought perhaps the meat could be optional, given the myriad of other ingredients; they thought differently.

So I saddled up and braced myself for another encounter with "Hugo" and ordered straight off the menu this time. I've been craving the frutas, see. It was tense, but fine, up until the point where in my nervousness I realized I'd forgotten to tell him "to go" and he got all huffy and rolled his eyes at me and left for the kitchen without a word.

SUCK IT, HUGO. You are a big jerk. Why don't you go fix yourself a michelada and chill the eff out. Make one for me, too. TO GO, please.

2. When I returned from work, a mystery neighbor asked if I could jump start her car. Which I proceeded to do. In heels. SEE, NEIGHBORS? I am cool. You should invite me to your pumpkin carving parties.

Podded

My new toy is giving me buyer's remorse.

I finally bought an iPod because I bought in to the premise that it would revolutionize my life: the Pod will make you smarter and well-informed, the Pod will make you musically mobile, the Pod will streamline your entertainment management and eliminate piles of scratchy CDs, the Pod will STOP AIDS if you buy it in a certain color.

One day, the Pod may do all of these things for me and more, but for now it comes with a list of demands before I can use it to its full potential:

1. Action Jacket
2. Car Adaptor
3. Noise-cancelling headphones

These accessories are essential for the following reasons:

1. If I look at it funny, it will leave a scratch
2. I only really listen to music when I'm driving
3. My ears must be horribly misshapen, because the earbuds don't seem to fit me, they fall out, and if I can manage to cram them in there for any length of time, my neighbor on the airplane can hear everything that I can in full stereo sound.

Also, according to the Action Jacket, I now have to take up jogging.

Give me a break!

I just wanted to hear This American Life, and it ate my podcasts.

It ate everything else, too, after three hours of feeding it music, because I don't understand what "sync" means.

At the risk of sounding anti-technology and totally square, I would just like to point out that books don't pull this kind of shizz, and they are portable, too.

(Though not as conducive to driving.)

The Buck Eye of Texas Is Upon You.

My last two drafts have been too negative. So, you don't get to read them.

And, I have to break the cycle.

So here is this!



It is a Buckeye!

What do you do with it?

You are supposed to hold it in your pocket for good luck. It does not appear that you can turn it into a butter or jam or crack it open and eat it.

You can use it to make pulp!

This is the worst Mascot ever!

Yours,
Mary

Note to Self, Work on Listening Skills

me: help, i am trying to think of a word that means "opinion based"
like, it's not standardized, it's ________. i am thinking of "subjunctive" but that's not it

k: hummmmmmm
subjective.......
??

me: if someone were grading a test and there wasn't any criteria, you would say that the grade is _______.

k: this test is dumb. multiple choice please.
hahaha
sorry..........i am of no help

me: or, if you're trying to get a book published and they don't take your book but they pick someone else's book, it's because the decision was _______.
bahhh. dictionary and thesaurus.com aren't any help, either

me: subjective!!!

k: hang on. my coworker was in the Honors program. if he cant help with this.......what good is he.
hahaha

me: oh my god you said that way up there

k: hehe

me: i thought you were just repeating my wrong word

k: ahhhhh!

Amazing Advancements in Medicine and Personal Health

Let's talk awesome cold products for a minute. The general default for me is "NYQUIL--IMMEDIATELY," but for whatever reason I bypassed the stuff this go-round. I guess I worry about feeling groggy in the morning, or sleeping through my alarm clock. And Dayquil makes me loopy, so none of that this time, either.

1. Emergen-C
I drink this stuff on a regular basis, cold or no cold, and it makes me feel full of vitamins and fizz and awesome. I usually get the regular vitamin C stuff, but I also bought a box of the "Immunse Defense" forumula, which is pretty great if you don't mind the zinc taste.

2. Vapo-Rub!
Ahhhhh Generic Vapo-Rub. How long have you been living in my medicine cabinet? How long have I have overlooked your amazing menthol camphor stealth bombers ready to dive in and dynamite through all the junk in my face? Also, I know the bottle says do not use near mouth, but a smear of this stuff across the upper lip feels pretty amazing on a sensitive nose rubbed raw from too much tissue use. I woke up in the middle of the night from a coughing fit, and this stuff on my chest and nose put me right back to sleep.

3. This is not a cold product, but let's talk prescription-strength deoderant. You put it on AT NIGHT. This means no more white lines even from the "disapearing" formula (aka disapearing from my body all ovah my sweater). I am intrigued, but I sort of worry that I am rubbing cancer directly into my underarms each time I use it. I smell great, though. What do you all think?

Cat Blogging, and Travel

Tonight, we ran out of cat food.

At 8:03 pm, I left my home to buy cat food. Because I was afraid my cat might perish. By my own hands.

She's persuasive, that one. She'll never starve if I'm around and conscious.

This alone does not make a whole blog entry, so here's some other stuff:

I have become an expert in the Houston - Denton commute. I know where the Starbucks are (Huntsville and Italy), I know where to stay in the left lane to avoid slow-accelerating on-rampers (Huntsville), I know where the traffic jams live (Conroe, 35N) and how far I can travel out of each city and still pick up NPR. I know where to find a Sonic or a Wendy's on the way up and the way back, or a Jack-in-the-Box breakfast sandwich or mint milkshake. I have a special stretch that's just for singing. I drive really friendly, for 4.5 hours. I know how to drive under a big Texas sky, and I know how to drive in the rain. I always wave to Sam. The more I do it, the more I wish that this were a marketable skill. See also: crossword puzzles.

In two weeks, I'm headed to Columbus, OH for a week. I chose my flight based on miles, and a non-stop flight. I'll never do a stop-over again, if I can help it. I fear take-offs and landings just as I fear on-ramps. Certain on-ramps in the state of Texas are crazy suicide missions: you have to get up to speed immediately, in a sharp turn, because there's no merge lane and the rest of the traffic is going 70. I turn off the AC, gun it, and cross my fingers--or else I find an alternate route. (Nobody tell my insurance company I said this.)

So what's there to do in Columbus, OH? Who wants to watch my cat?

(Do you see how I tied those two topics together? A+ in blogging, friends.)

Sumo!

Baby, put the camera down and help me up please.