M: It's cold and I want to go home.
Mountains: Look at us! We're all snowcapped and majestic!
M: Stupid snooty mountains.
Apple Beer: Come on, you love us.
M: I do love you, apple beer. What's with all the Pepsi products, anyway?
Visitor Parking: I have placed impenetrable orange cones in all my spots. You cannot possibly park here. Go home, agnostic.
BYU: We saw you move that cone. You owe us $20 or else we will withhold your non-existent student records and/or impound your rental car. Please take this complementary pen to write us a check immediately.
M: Thanks! Could I take home some sacred underwear instead?
Utah: We don't think you're very funny.
M: Likewise.
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