I had reached an impasse in Oblivion, the latest from the same people who brought us Morrowind. In the new game, other characters and enemies "level" along with you--meaning that as you get stronger, they get stronger.
Here is how that actually plays out: after a certain level, I spent a good week struggling with the game due to quests I couldn't complete. Having been killed by the blasted trolls 20something times, I would put it aside and go move on to a different quest--only to run into more damn trolls (or their equivalent). When I wasn't swearing at the game, I was swearing at the Gamer Geeks whose message board help consisted of "kill the trolls, then get the treasure." JERKS.
Morrowind was never this frustrating.
Yesterday I fixed the problem by setting the game difficulty to "easy." BAM--troll goes down with one flame bolt. It won't get me any acclaim in message board world, but it will let me move through the game faster and focus on the parts that I enjoy rather than just trying to stay alive all the time.
Point is... wouldn't it be nice if real-life had an "easy" mode?
Sunday, May 28, 2006
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
The Importance of Being Insured
Two months ago, Richard was in an uninsured at-fault car accident. As part of his court fine, he was required to write (no joke) a two page paper on "why it is important to have car insurance." He was dreading it, but I jumped at the opportunity. The one condition? I get to blog it. Enjoy.
Why it is Important to have Car Insurance; or
Fate is a Cruel Mistress
Two months ago, on my 35th birthday, I was in a rear-end collision that left my car undrivable. As fortune would have it, I had let my car insurance lapse for two weeks in one of those Russian Roulette "I'll get around to renewing it tomorrow" moves that so often backfire miserably. Yes, it was stupid. The damage was assessed at over $5,000. I had only just begun to think about how on Earth I would find the money to pay for the repair when a week later, for unrelated reasons, I was laid off from my job. Happy 35th birthday to me!
The state of Texas requires car insurance for this very reason--when bad things happen (and sometimes all at once) it's important for all parties involved to have a safety net. Within the span of two weeks, I found myself carless, up to my ears in debt, lacking health insurance for my three children (yes I have three kids and yes, it's important to have health insurance, but that is another essay), and mooching off my girlfriend's car to drive to job interviews. I needed a loan to pay for my car to secure a job to get the money to repay the loan--which no one would give me without a job. If I had just paid my car insurance on time (this is where you get to say "we told you so") I would not be in this confounded Catch-22. I would be living the good life and saving up money to purchase a house in Maui with my lovely girlfriend.
Please understand that I am not trying to be flippant or underplay my own personal responsibility for my predicament. I feel horribly about the car I hit, although it was an accident and no one was injured. I feel ridiculous that I am 35 years old and allowed myself to get sucked into such an irresponsible financial mess. I took the first job I was offered in order to get back on my feet, even though it means working help desk support eight hours a day, a task for which I am criminally overqualified. If anyone is the poster child for why it is important to have car insurance, it is me and my Nissan Pathfinder (which I am considering trading down for a more fuel efficient model, if we are ever reunited again). Also, my girlfriend really wants her car back.
Thank you for taking the time to read my essay. I haven't written an essay since grade school, but as you can see, this is a topic I feel rather passionately about. The moral of the story: always renew your car insurance in a timely manner (early is even better!) and for Pete's sake, watch where you're going.
And in case you were wondering... for my 36th birthday, I plan on staying in bed.
Why it is Important to have Car Insurance; or
Fate is a Cruel Mistress
Two months ago, on my 35th birthday, I was in a rear-end collision that left my car undrivable. As fortune would have it, I had let my car insurance lapse for two weeks in one of those Russian Roulette "I'll get around to renewing it tomorrow" moves that so often backfire miserably. Yes, it was stupid. The damage was assessed at over $5,000. I had only just begun to think about how on Earth I would find the money to pay for the repair when a week later, for unrelated reasons, I was laid off from my job. Happy 35th birthday to me!
The state of Texas requires car insurance for this very reason--when bad things happen (and sometimes all at once) it's important for all parties involved to have a safety net. Within the span of two weeks, I found myself carless, up to my ears in debt, lacking health insurance for my three children (yes I have three kids and yes, it's important to have health insurance, but that is another essay), and mooching off my girlfriend's car to drive to job interviews. I needed a loan to pay for my car to secure a job to get the money to repay the loan--which no one would give me without a job. If I had just paid my car insurance on time (this is where you get to say "we told you so") I would not be in this confounded Catch-22. I would be living the good life and saving up money to purchase a house in Maui with my lovely girlfriend.
Please understand that I am not trying to be flippant or underplay my own personal responsibility for my predicament. I feel horribly about the car I hit, although it was an accident and no one was injured. I feel ridiculous that I am 35 years old and allowed myself to get sucked into such an irresponsible financial mess. I took the first job I was offered in order to get back on my feet, even though it means working help desk support eight hours a day, a task for which I am criminally overqualified. If anyone is the poster child for why it is important to have car insurance, it is me and my Nissan Pathfinder (which I am considering trading down for a more fuel efficient model, if we are ever reunited again). Also, my girlfriend really wants her car back.
Thank you for taking the time to read my essay. I haven't written an essay since grade school, but as you can see, this is a topic I feel rather passionately about. The moral of the story: always renew your car insurance in a timely manner (early is even better!) and for Pete's sake, watch where you're going.
And in case you were wondering... for my 36th birthday, I plan on staying in bed.
Sunday, May 21, 2006
I Love SHORTS!
When I was little, pictures show (and my parents confirm) me for entire years wearing only pants, no skirts; or only skirts, no pants. I don't know if we ever figured out this early fashion fickleness, but it doesn't surprise me. In college, finally somewhat secure in my identify, I decided to only purchase red clothing and wear something red every day. It lasted a good year, along with vegetarianism and an eyebrow piercing (not at all the same time).
But these sort of mandates were only possible in the bookend years around adolescence, during which my clothing criteria was "cover up as much as possible and for god's sake, try not to stand out!" So you can imagine how I felt about shorts. On the one hand, every kid I knew wore them. On the other hand, the "hot" style was 1 in. long inseam (oh, the humanity!!) and I did NOT want to be showing off that much leg to the world. The solution? Mom-style denim shorts, rolled up to about 3 inch inseam.
(Mom-style denim shorts are one of those things that, like lipstick, took some time to grow into. When you're young you think, "I look like a clown; this will never work," and then suddenly one day it does. Ageing, friends. It doesn't make sense to me either.)
So when Sarah, my college roommate, declared "I never wear shorts," I saw the first hint of an opportunity--later confirmed by more fashionista friends--to get rid of the damn things altogether, and I never looked back.
But here's the thing: I really love shorts!! If you're at the beach, you can wear men's swimming trunks instead of bikini bottoms and not feel like you're strutting around in underwear for all to see. You can wear them out and sit on the grass INDIAN-STYLE. They're cooler than pants and more user-friendly than skirts. Ahhhh, shorts. I've missed you so much.
Next week: the "bubble skirt," and why it is very very bad.
But these sort of mandates were only possible in the bookend years around adolescence, during which my clothing criteria was "cover up as much as possible and for god's sake, try not to stand out!" So you can imagine how I felt about shorts. On the one hand, every kid I knew wore them. On the other hand, the "hot" style was 1 in. long inseam (oh, the humanity!!) and I did NOT want to be showing off that much leg to the world. The solution? Mom-style denim shorts, rolled up to about 3 inch inseam.
(Mom-style denim shorts are one of those things that, like lipstick, took some time to grow into. When you're young you think, "I look like a clown; this will never work," and then suddenly one day it does. Ageing, friends. It doesn't make sense to me either.)
So when Sarah, my college roommate, declared "I never wear shorts," I saw the first hint of an opportunity--later confirmed by more fashionista friends--to get rid of the damn things altogether, and I never looked back.
But here's the thing: I really love shorts!! If you're at the beach, you can wear men's swimming trunks instead of bikini bottoms and not feel like you're strutting around in underwear for all to see. You can wear them out and sit on the grass INDIAN-STYLE. They're cooler than pants and more user-friendly than skirts. Ahhhh, shorts. I've missed you so much.
Next week: the "bubble skirt," and why it is very very bad.
Thursday, May 18, 2006
The Best of Both Worlds
I think Hispanic immigrants should learn to speak English. I also think Americans should learn to speak Spanish.
Also, I think we can all agree that "rapido!" beats "hurry!" any day of the week for communicating a sense of urgency... maybe we can put it to a vote? (One word at a time, naturally.)
Also, I think we can all agree that "rapido!" beats "hurry!" any day of the week for communicating a sense of urgency... maybe we can put it to a vote? (One word at a time, naturally.)
Monday, May 15, 2006
meeting ADD
It's not that my mental capacity is limited, that anyone in the room lacks intelligence, or that I have trouble focusing.
It's just that when the 3.5 hour committee meeting is over, I seriously want to bash my head against the wall.
And even before the bashing, I still can't remember what I said I'd do over the course of the meeting (it was all there until we rolled past hour 2, and then I lost it), and my notes are indecipherable.
I know it's not appropriate, but it might be more productive if a person were allowed to stop before the urge to bash came upon him/her and announce, "Ok--excuse me, sorry, meeting adjourned! Brain closing down for the evening. We will reconvene later, when I can handle you all again. I was stapling your meeting packets through my lunch break and now it's 5:30 and I haven't eaten and you have to leave. Goodbye for now!"
Meeting tomorrow morning to talk about how we're going to do all the stuff that was decided in today's meeting. I'm going home to play mindless video games. Don't look at me, I just work here.
It's just that when the 3.5 hour committee meeting is over, I seriously want to bash my head against the wall.
And even before the bashing, I still can't remember what I said I'd do over the course of the meeting (it was all there until we rolled past hour 2, and then I lost it), and my notes are indecipherable.
I know it's not appropriate, but it might be more productive if a person were allowed to stop before the urge to bash came upon him/her and announce, "Ok--excuse me, sorry, meeting adjourned! Brain closing down for the evening. We will reconvene later, when I can handle you all again. I was stapling your meeting packets through my lunch break and now it's 5:30 and I haven't eaten and you have to leave. Goodbye for now!"
Meeting tomorrow morning to talk about how we're going to do all the stuff that was decided in today's meeting. I'm going home to play mindless video games. Don't look at me, I just work here.
Unceremonious
A few FAQ:
1. What happened to fruitcakebrigade.com?
I wasn't using it, so I let it expire. I did consider that web domains are the new real estate, but I just didn't see a high paying deal for FCB in my future. Blogspot is free and suits the need for now, and http://fruitcakebrigade.blogspot.com now hosts the archive.
2. Where are the pictures? Why so many broken links?
See above. I saved all .jps on my laptop before they vanished, and have hopes of one day rebirthing them on flickr. As for the missing links, ideally those will one day be fixed, too... but I wouldn't hold my breath about it.
3. The missing links look ugly, and the layout hasn't changes in years. Does it bother you to write in such a poorly programmed site?
Well, yes... but not really. I've always prefered the revision method of "draw a line through it" to "cover it up with white out," and I find a plain spiral-bound notebook as (or more) inspiring to write in than something leather with fancy paper. So here's the real question: should the content of this site be considered published material or an on-going work in progress? Gosh, I dunno.
4. Why won't you put comments back up?
Because I read too much into them (or their absence).
5. How exactly are we definining "frequently" here?
Oh shush. Inquiring minds want to know. They do!
1. What happened to fruitcakebrigade.com?
I wasn't using it, so I let it expire. I did consider that web domains are the new real estate, but I just didn't see a high paying deal for FCB in my future. Blogspot is free and suits the need for now, and http://fruitcakebrigade.blogspot.com now hosts the archive.
2. Where are the pictures? Why so many broken links?
See above. I saved all .jps on my laptop before they vanished, and have hopes of one day rebirthing them on flickr. As for the missing links, ideally those will one day be fixed, too... but I wouldn't hold my breath about it.
3. The missing links look ugly, and the layout hasn't changes in years. Does it bother you to write in such a poorly programmed site?
Well, yes... but not really. I've always prefered the revision method of "draw a line through it" to "cover it up with white out," and I find a plain spiral-bound notebook as (or more) inspiring to write in than something leather with fancy paper. So here's the real question: should the content of this site be considered published material or an on-going work in progress? Gosh, I dunno.
4. Why won't you put comments back up?
Because I read too much into them (or their absence).
5. How exactly are we definining "frequently" here?
Oh shush. Inquiring minds want to know. They do!
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Wrong Number
I'm glad I jumped on the gmail train early. My generic e-mail address affords me tons of fun mail... for other people. See below:
Exhibit A
From: Kevin
Date: May 9, 2006 7:36 PM
Subject: Watergate Trial
I summarized 6/10 witnesses, and found a piece of photographic evidence. I read a lot of the White House tapes transcript, and it lead nowhere. The tapes more or less incriminate Nixon more, so don't waste your time. If have time to complete the other 4 witnesses, that'd be great, othewise I always have tomorrow's class. Kennedy is working on opening and closing statements. I can work with the witnesses tomorrow to solidify thier position during the trial. I can also create some cross-examination questions for the 6 witnesses I summarized, if you can do the 4.
Thanks,
Radmer
Exhibit B
On 5/3/06, SomeoneATaolDOTcom wrote:
www.kansasstatefair.com
Bill Engvall
Friday, Sept. 8 - $25.00
Do I see a road trip from K-State in you guys future, or is there a home
foot ball game?
Love you,
mom
Exhibit C:
From: Angela
Date: Jul 23, 2005 4:09 PM
Subject: Profesor
Hola profesor es angela, de la une , espero esté bien,
le escribo para solicitarle urgente el tlf del prof.
fernando rivero, ya que el que tenemos luz andrea y yo
nos contesta una muchacha , me imagino lo vendió...el
q tenemos es el 04168355660..y nada..Y de verdad nos
urge localizarlo para las corecciones de la tesis...
Si nos los puede enviar se lo agradeceremos...gracias
Exhibit A
From: Kevin
Date: May 9, 2006 7:36 PM
Subject: Watergate Trial
I summarized 6/10 witnesses, and found a piece of photographic evidence. I read a lot of the White House tapes transcript, and it lead nowhere. The tapes more or less incriminate Nixon more, so don't waste your time. If have time to complete the other 4 witnesses, that'd be great, othewise I always have tomorrow's class. Kennedy is working on opening and closing statements. I can work with the witnesses tomorrow to solidify thier position during the trial. I can also create some cross-examination questions for the 6 witnesses I summarized, if you can do the 4.
Thanks,
Radmer
Exhibit B
On 5/3/06, SomeoneATaolDOTcom wrote:
www.kansasstatefair.com
Bill Engvall
Friday, Sept. 8 - $25.00
Do I see a road trip from K-State in you guys future, or is there a home
foot ball game?
Love you,
mom
Exhibit C:
From: Angela
Date: Jul 23, 2005 4:09 PM
Subject: Profesor
Hola profesor es angela, de la une , espero esté bien,
le escribo para solicitarle urgente el tlf del prof.
fernando rivero, ya que el que tenemos luz andrea y yo
nos contesta una muchacha , me imagino lo vendió...el
q tenemos es el 04168355660..y nada..Y de verdad nos
urge localizarlo para las corecciones de la tesis...
Si nos los puede enviar se lo agradeceremos...gracias
Monday, May 08, 2006
Big Bag of Books Day, Part Deux
People sometimes ask me, "Mary--how do you score so well at the public library booksales?" Actually, no one ever asks me that, and I always walk away bragging about my stellar hunting/gathering skills... and no one else seems to care. Phooey on all of you! When executed methodically, one bag for $10 can provide a reading list for the entire summer.
(What they ask me is: "Oh, did you run into Soandso?" No, I didn't. I was concentrating! Big bag of books day is not a time for socializing; it is a time for laser-like focus and reflexes of steel. That said, I did run into Maria. And I sent her away with The God of Small Things. I hope she likes it as much as I do.)
If anyone asked me, I would share my book booty strategy. The following applies to fiction and/or anthology only:
1. Scan, don't try to read every title. You'll make yourself dizzy! Skip right over the "brick books" (you know the ones--the cheap paperback size with the tiny print: think crappy romance novel) and go for the longer, skinnier ones. More often than not, these are newer and in better condition.
2. Look for authors you recognize, classics, and key words like "Booker" "Pulitzer" or "Oprah." You may debate the latter if you wish, but I contend that Oprah is no fool. I wouldn't go buy a book just because she told me so, but by golly I'll throw it in my bag. Skip anything that says "advance copy."
3. Lacking any of the above, testimonials indicate a reasonable chance of success. Kurt Vonnegut, good. John Updike, good. Times Literary Supplement, good. Margaret Atwood--gold.
4. Anthologies are tricky. Try not to think of it as a lifetime commitment. Yes, you are allowed to re-sell or give away the Norton Anthology of Whatever. Stick it in your bag if you want, but think about it--how often will you really read a book that weighs 5 lbs and uses 6 pt Times New Roman font? Moreover, your friends will hate you when it's time to help you move, and it takes up valuable bag space. I'm just sayin'.
5. If it's not in good condition or doesn't smell good, leave it alone. You won't want to read it. Really.
I have no plan of attack for biography or non-fiction. I'm sure they are both very nice sections, and I'd like to become better acquainted, but I just don't know where to start. Roosevelt? Katie Couric? Eminem? EEEEK! Run away!!
This year's Big Bag of Books, with rationale:
A Map of the World - Jane Hamilton (Oprah)
Gertrude and Claudius - John Updike (classic)
The Collector - John Fowles (author of The Magus)
Headlong - Michael Frayn (I think my dad likes him, w/support from Vonnegut)
House of Sand and Fog - Andre Dubus III (Oprah)
Edith Hamilton - Mythology (classic)
Bee Season - Myla Goldberg (Oprah) (I think)
The Plague Dogs - Richard Adams (author of Watership Down)
Open House - Elizabeth Berg (Oprah)
The Sun Also Rises - Hemmingway (classic)
The Beautiful & Damned - Fitzgerald (classic)
The Bluest Eye - Toni Morison (classic)
Lolita - Nabokov (classic)
A Private View - Anita Brookner (Booker author)
Aiding and Abetting - Muriel Spark (testimonial by Updike)
The 100 Best Poems of All Time ('cause I'm lame like that)
The Best America Non-Required Reading 2002 (score!!)
The Best America Poetry 1997 (again with the lameness)
Welcome to My Planet (Where English is Sometimes Spoken) - Shannon Olson (testimonial by Garrison Keillor and Melissa Bank)
Last year's Big Bag of Books selections can be found here.
(What they ask me is: "Oh, did you run into Soandso?" No, I didn't. I was concentrating! Big bag of books day is not a time for socializing; it is a time for laser-like focus and reflexes of steel. That said, I did run into Maria. And I sent her away with The God of Small Things. I hope she likes it as much as I do.)
If anyone asked me, I would share my book booty strategy. The following applies to fiction and/or anthology only:
1. Scan, don't try to read every title. You'll make yourself dizzy! Skip right over the "brick books" (you know the ones--the cheap paperback size with the tiny print: think crappy romance novel) and go for the longer, skinnier ones. More often than not, these are newer and in better condition.
2. Look for authors you recognize, classics, and key words like "Booker" "Pulitzer" or "Oprah." You may debate the latter if you wish, but I contend that Oprah is no fool. I wouldn't go buy a book just because she told me so, but by golly I'll throw it in my bag. Skip anything that says "advance copy."
3. Lacking any of the above, testimonials indicate a reasonable chance of success. Kurt Vonnegut, good. John Updike, good. Times Literary Supplement, good. Margaret Atwood--gold.
4. Anthologies are tricky. Try not to think of it as a lifetime commitment. Yes, you are allowed to re-sell or give away the Norton Anthology of Whatever. Stick it in your bag if you want, but think about it--how often will you really read a book that weighs 5 lbs and uses 6 pt Times New Roman font? Moreover, your friends will hate you when it's time to help you move, and it takes up valuable bag space. I'm just sayin'.
5. If it's not in good condition or doesn't smell good, leave it alone. You won't want to read it. Really.
I have no plan of attack for biography or non-fiction. I'm sure they are both very nice sections, and I'd like to become better acquainted, but I just don't know where to start. Roosevelt? Katie Couric? Eminem? EEEEK! Run away!!
This year's Big Bag of Books, with rationale:
A Map of the World - Jane Hamilton (Oprah)
Gertrude and Claudius - John Updike (classic)
The Collector - John Fowles (author of The Magus)
Headlong - Michael Frayn (I think my dad likes him, w/support from Vonnegut)
House of Sand and Fog - Andre Dubus III (Oprah)
Edith Hamilton - Mythology (classic)
Bee Season - Myla Goldberg (Oprah) (I think)
The Plague Dogs - Richard Adams (author of Watership Down)
Open House - Elizabeth Berg (Oprah)
The Sun Also Rises - Hemmingway (classic)
The Beautiful & Damned - Fitzgerald (classic)
The Bluest Eye - Toni Morison (classic)
Lolita - Nabokov (classic)
A Private View - Anita Brookner (Booker author)
Aiding and Abetting - Muriel Spark (testimonial by Updike)
The 100 Best Poems of All Time ('cause I'm lame like that)
The Best America Non-Required Reading 2002 (score!!)
The Best America Poetry 1997 (again with the lameness)
Welcome to My Planet (Where English is Sometimes Spoken) - Shannon Olson (testimonial by Garrison Keillor and Melissa Bank)
Last year's Big Bag of Books selections can be found here.
Sunday, May 07, 2006
Average and loving it!
Two months ago I succumed to reality and dyed my hair dark brown. While my "natural" hair color (whatever that looks like) is probably lighter than it is now, it's certainly not blonde. Not since I was eight.
And the funny thing is--no one really noticed. That's right, folks; I went from "lightest ivory blonde" to "darkest ash brown," and hardly anyone batted an eye. What has happened is a series of mistaken identities: from an education fundraiser who swears up and down we have met before, to a recent Houston transplant from South Carolina whom I met at Chances, to a visiting member of our national TFA development team who says I look just like her sister.
I am of completely average stature and weight. I look exactly my age. There is nothing distinct about my appearance. I have accomplished my ultimate 12-year-old self-conscious fantasy of, "Blend, baby, blend!"
We've probably never met before, but I look so familiar...
And the funny thing is--no one really noticed. That's right, folks; I went from "lightest ivory blonde" to "darkest ash brown," and hardly anyone batted an eye. What has happened is a series of mistaken identities: from an education fundraiser who swears up and down we have met before, to a recent Houston transplant from South Carolina whom I met at Chances, to a visiting member of our national TFA development team who says I look just like her sister.
I am of completely average stature and weight. I look exactly my age. There is nothing distinct about my appearance. I have accomplished my ultimate 12-year-old self-conscious fantasy of, "Blend, baby, blend!"
We've probably never met before, but I look so familiar...
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