Southern Hospitality
I was asked this week about differences in living in The South and The North (try as I might to convince people that Maryland is actually "mid-Atlantic") and reluctantly agreed that, yes, people in Texas are friendlier--meaning that you're much more likely to strike up a conversation with a stranger in the grocery store. Depending on what you're buying (ex: enema), this is not always a great thing.
Yesterday at Marshall's, the attractive 40something woman ahead of me in line checks out my purchases and says, "Ooooh, I am so jealous of those itty-bitty bras."
I mean, what is the proper response here? "Thanks! But really, I'd kill for enormous hooters like yours."
Or, like, what?
The proper Northern response would be to spray her with a liberal dose of pepper spray, and then kick her in the chest and say, "Take that you vicious harpy!"
ReplyDeleteSame idea applies to people who ask you where you found things in supermarkets. Just point in a random direction away from you, and then punch the person in the kidneys when their back is turned and say, "I'm sorry, does it look like I have Kunta Kinte written on my forehead?" Stop looking in my cart and read the damn signs woman!
I guess your way works too, but it's so much less satisfying.
The Boy
Once again, I laughed until it hurt, and my coworkers all think I'm crazy.
ReplyDeleteI think the proper response is to stare at her like she is the dumbest person on earth, until she resolves that her life is worthless and drives her car off a cliff.
Do you what I hate? I hate it when people refer to New York and, yes, even Maryland (As in, "Mary is from New England"! YES! Someone has said it!), as New England. They are not New England.
ReplyDeleteDo you wanna know what New England is, folks, New England is:
* Connecticut
* Maine
* Massachusetts
* New Hampshire
* Rhode Island
* Vermont
and technically maryland is south of the mason-dixon line yes?
ReplyDelete