It is upon us!

Dude, my car insurance e-mailed me helpful hurricane season tips. Having been there before, I'm passing them on to you, new Texas residents:

•Prepare an emergency kit stocked with items that can help you get through a breakdown. Fill your vehicle with gasoline before the storm arrives.
for example: inflatable raft, eye patch (avast, matey!), oar, canned foods, and of course... digital camera

•If you're evacuating an area and are leaving a vehicle behind, be sure it's not left in a low-lying area prone to flooding. Rising water can seep in and damage your vehicle.
there is ONE HILL in Houston and it leads to The Heights. Set sail for Alice's Tall Texan, where you can mock the storm while sipping your $1.25 frosty goblet of beer and listening to Willie Nelson on the jukebox

•When you’re evacuating or returning following a storm, watch for standing water in parking lots or on streets.
look but don't touch--you don't want to know where that water's been

•Avoid driving through standing water. The average automobile can be swept off the road by as little as 12 inches of moving water. Find an alternate route.
know that all of Houston's ten major highways are already flooded and backed up for hours

•If you encounter a situation where you have no other reasonable alternative than to drive in standing water, do your best to first estimate the depth of the water. Know that the threat of the roadway collapsing under water is real.
and credible

•Drive slowly and steadily through the water.
and DON'T BRAKE if you can possibly avoid it

•If your vehicle stalls in the deep water, you may need to restart the engine to make it to safety (know, however, that restarting may cause irreparable damage to the engine).
is this even possible??

•If you can't restart your vehicle and you become trapped in rising water, IMMEDIATELY ABANDON IT FOR HIGHER GROUND. If you are unable to get out of the vehicle safely, call 911 or get the attention of a passerby or someone standing on higher ground.
your canned corn cannot help you now, but mixed into a nice black bean salad...

•Once you and your vehicle are out of deep water and are in a safe area, depress your brakes slowly several times to help dry them out.
on the contrary--PRAISE your brakes! tell them what a good job they did and how reliable and unsqueaky they are. positive reinforcement, people.