How I spent my standardized test day

The new rules for proctoring say: No internet, no walking around, no reading, no knitting (unfair!!); just sitting and staring at test-takers.

Ok, I said. If they can test for five hours, I can surely manage sitting.

Hour one started off HORRIBLY. No further comment except that I love my job and I especially love my co-workers. So hour one consisted of staring at my unsigned contract and working up the courage to sign "declined," thus forcing myself to find a new job.

Hour two I started writing. I decided, rather than dwell in the negative, to document my favorite/most memorable experiences teaching. I wrote on white legal paper using a Chase bank pen (whoops). I will share later.

Hour three I asked to be relieved for a minute to go get more coffee. I ate two snickers bars and a pack of animal crackers. I collected trash. I moved J---- because he kept hitting A---- in the back of the head.

Hour four I tossed an apple back and forth and shined it on my jeans. Shiniest apple ever. For the second half of hour four, I built a log cabin out of the popsicle sticks I gave them as bathroom passes.

Hour five (post-lunch) I glared at the students who were starting to get restless, transmitting via ESP "Don't you dare even THINK about talking I will hold you in detention for the rest of your life oh and by the way I know where you live."

The students came up with their own means of entertainment. My favorite was "drink all the water and then knock the water bottle over to produce that satisfying hollow sound as it rolls across the room." And so for the second half of hour five, I collected all the water bottles.

More tomorrow.