Ha. ha.

In searching for an appropriate writing sample today ("Does the Director of Communications really want to read my ten page paper on Venus and Adonis? Probably not."), I found this pre-blog-entry from before I had a blog. Probably written as a temporary mental vacation during the wee hours as I struggled through page seven, eight, nine...

Lessons Learned from Venus; or How to Get a Guy to Sleep with You:

The God of War wanted me and couldn’t get me, you should be honored:
“I have been wooed as I entreat thee now, / Even by the stern and direful god of war” (53).
“Yet was he servile to my coy disdain. / O, be not proud, nor brag not of thy might, / For mast’ring her that foiled the god of fight!”

Carpe Diem:
“Make use of time, let not advantage slip; / Beauty within itself should not be wasted.”

I’m not ugly!
“Thou canst not see one wrinkle in my brow…My flesh is soft and plump, my marrow burning; / My smooth moist hand, were it with thy hand felt, / Would in thy palm dissolve, or seem to melt.”

Don’t be like Narcissus:
“Is thine own heart to thine own face affected?”

It’s your DUTY!
“By law of nature thou art bound to breed, / That thine may live when thou thyself art dead.”

Why NOT?
“What were thy lips the worse for one poor kiss?

You’re not a REAL man:
“Thou art no man, though of a man’s complexion, / For men will kiss even by their own direction.”

When all else fails, faint.