"Locks in moisture"
"Adjusts to your skintone"
"Prevents unsightly __________"
"Cleans your whole house and everything in it"
"Ions"
"Age defying"
"Homeopathic PMS tablets"
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
Monday, August 06, 2007
Best. Weekend. Ever.
Paddleboats!
Planes Coming Out of the Sky!
Bubbly Fountains!
Red Hot Art @ Houston MFA!
Lunch Films @ Aurora!
Plus! Plus!
Rudyard's! Brasil! Micheladas @ 100% Taquito! Poison Girl! Michael! Stacy! Deadwood! Oishii! Dunkin Donuts! Sunday Nights! Blue Bonnet!
That is a lot of well-deserved exclamation points, my friends. And I'm not telling you half of it.
O lente, lente currite noctis equi!
Planes Coming Out of the Sky!
Bubbly Fountains!
Red Hot Art @ Houston MFA!
Lunch Films @ Aurora!
Plus! Plus!
Rudyard's! Brasil! Micheladas @ 100% Taquito! Poison Girl! Michael! Stacy! Deadwood! Oishii! Dunkin Donuts! Sunday Nights! Blue Bonnet!
That is a lot of well-deserved exclamation points, my friends. And I'm not telling you half of it.
O lente, lente currite noctis equi!
Thursday, August 02, 2007
Photo Update
Txt Me L8r is full speed ahead!
See our pictures here.
I just returned from Denver, CO, where all things may be blamed upon "the altitude."
I would like to go back, when I don't have a work agenda. Would you like to go with me?
Also, I have the best job in the whole world.
See our pictures here.
I just returned from Denver, CO, where all things may be blamed upon "the altitude."
I would like to go back, when I don't have a work agenda. Would you like to go with me?
Also, I have the best job in the whole world.
Saturday, July 28, 2007
"A few of my favorite friends from the history of mankind..."
(click on picture for enlarged view.)
I think this is pretty wonderful.
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Monday, July 23, 2007
The Secret about Getting Things Done
My mom told me to watch this movie, and I was like, Mom, you always point me to these hippy dippy new age films and I really don't like them and then we're forced into this "you just don't understand me" dialogue when really I'd rather just be watching a Stephen Sondheim musical with you, because that's pretty weird, too, right? But we both love them so I don't care.
The Secret is about the power of positive thinking, and how you have to visualize yourself possessing everything you want SO MUCH SO that you truly believe you have already achieved this goal. Say, for example, you want a schmancy sports car (one that your rotten thieving neighbors won't break into... no, stop it Mary, stop it! Those thoughts are BAD): you have to sit in a chair, and pretend like you are driving the car and make vrooom vroom noises and BE the sportscar (like that song in A Chorus Line; can we go watch A Chorus Line, Mom? Trust me, it'll be great) and eventually The Universe will pick up on these signals and viola: car.
And the thing is: I do believe it. I really do. I think if you go around acting like you are driving your sports car for long enough, somehow you will acquire that car. Or whatever it is you want. I do believe in some sort of interconnected magnetic field created by human thought that affects, and responds to, our physical, emotional, and spiritual surroundings.
HOWEVER. I also believe that in order to get what we want through this method, The Universe requires us to spend a large amount of our time driving invisible cars and looking ridiculous. I am not willing to spend the majority of my life looking ridiculous, no matter what the cost.
That's MY secret. I also do ridiculous things all the time (inadvertently, even!), so what the Hell do I know.
I'm being too hard on my mother. She's actually a very inspiring, kind, intelligent woman and The Universe had better be nice to her or we are going to have words.
Case in point: I recently sparked an interest in this book Getting Things Done, which I spotted on my boss's bookshelf. I have not, lately, been Getting Things Done, so you can see how this book would appeal to me. I have been Getting Things Started and Doing It Halfassed, but neither typically brings much satisfaction.
Getting Things Done is this organizational system designed to free your physical and mental in-box so that you can focus on the task at hand without worrying that other things will fall by the wayside. In a nutshell, start here: take every single piece of paper on your desk and stick it your inbox. If there are tasks that are not written down, write them on a sticky note and put it, too, in the inbox. When all things are clear, sort through the pile--take action on anything that takes less than 5 minutes, file the things that require no action, and assign an actionable next-step to everything else. Then, maintain.
This is overly-simplified, but that's the jist. Simple, right? The thing is, I learned this when I was like, 8, and didn't want to clean my room. My mom taught me to make my bed, and then put everything on my floor on the bed. Vacuum, and then put everything in a place that makes sense. (No, not the closet--that's cheating.) Getting Things Done back then was Don't Make Me Ask You Again Or I'll Give It All To Goodwill, and it worked.
The thing is--this whole Secret theory reminds me of a Joel Osteem sermon I read about a cruise ship. Guy saves up all year to go on a cruise, and because he has spent his entire savings on the trip, he can't afford to eat and so he brings his own suitcase full of crackers. Eventually, someone catches on and asks him why he's not joining them for dinner. "Because," he says, "I can't afford it." "Don't you see!" says the friend. "All of this is for you! This delicious food is provided for you!" Moral of the story (do you think you know the moral? Because I did. I thought it was a sermon against gluttony) is that GOD has provided you a feast on earth, yours for the taking!
That The Universe will respond to the energy created by human need, to compassion, to prayer: this I believe. That it is all for ME? That it can be TRAINED to my personal desires? No, thank you. Followers of Joel will tell me that I'm not getting it right, I don't understand--Jesus is all wrapped up in there--and they're right, I don't understand.
When I want religion I just want to sit quietly for a time. I don't want to spend energy thinking about things I want and pretending I already have them. In these times, I am hoping that The Universe will help me understand what I want and how I can be good to myself and others. And how to get it done.
This was long. Thanks for reading.
The Secret is about the power of positive thinking, and how you have to visualize yourself possessing everything you want SO MUCH SO that you truly believe you have already achieved this goal. Say, for example, you want a schmancy sports car (one that your rotten thieving neighbors won't break into... no, stop it Mary, stop it! Those thoughts are BAD): you have to sit in a chair, and pretend like you are driving the car and make vrooom vroom noises and BE the sportscar (like that song in A Chorus Line; can we go watch A Chorus Line, Mom? Trust me, it'll be great) and eventually The Universe will pick up on these signals and viola: car.
And the thing is: I do believe it. I really do. I think if you go around acting like you are driving your sports car for long enough, somehow you will acquire that car. Or whatever it is you want. I do believe in some sort of interconnected magnetic field created by human thought that affects, and responds to, our physical, emotional, and spiritual surroundings.
HOWEVER. I also believe that in order to get what we want through this method, The Universe requires us to spend a large amount of our time driving invisible cars and looking ridiculous. I am not willing to spend the majority of my life looking ridiculous, no matter what the cost.
That's MY secret. I also do ridiculous things all the time (inadvertently, even!), so what the Hell do I know.
I'm being too hard on my mother. She's actually a very inspiring, kind, intelligent woman and The Universe had better be nice to her or we are going to have words.
Case in point: I recently sparked an interest in this book Getting Things Done, which I spotted on my boss's bookshelf. I have not, lately, been Getting Things Done, so you can see how this book would appeal to me. I have been Getting Things Started and Doing It Halfassed, but neither typically brings much satisfaction.
Getting Things Done is this organizational system designed to free your physical and mental in-box so that you can focus on the task at hand without worrying that other things will fall by the wayside. In a nutshell, start here: take every single piece of paper on your desk and stick it your inbox. If there are tasks that are not written down, write them on a sticky note and put it, too, in the inbox. When all things are clear, sort through the pile--take action on anything that takes less than 5 minutes, file the things that require no action, and assign an actionable next-step to everything else. Then, maintain.
This is overly-simplified, but that's the jist. Simple, right? The thing is, I learned this when I was like, 8, and didn't want to clean my room. My mom taught me to make my bed, and then put everything on my floor on the bed. Vacuum, and then put everything in a place that makes sense. (No, not the closet--that's cheating.) Getting Things Done back then was Don't Make Me Ask You Again Or I'll Give It All To Goodwill, and it worked.
The thing is--this whole Secret theory reminds me of a Joel Osteem sermon I read about a cruise ship. Guy saves up all year to go on a cruise, and because he has spent his entire savings on the trip, he can't afford to eat and so he brings his own suitcase full of crackers. Eventually, someone catches on and asks him why he's not joining them for dinner. "Because," he says, "I can't afford it." "Don't you see!" says the friend. "All of this is for you! This delicious food is provided for you!" Moral of the story (do you think you know the moral? Because I did. I thought it was a sermon against gluttony) is that GOD has provided you a feast on earth, yours for the taking!
That The Universe will respond to the energy created by human need, to compassion, to prayer: this I believe. That it is all for ME? That it can be TRAINED to my personal desires? No, thank you. Followers of Joel will tell me that I'm not getting it right, I don't understand--Jesus is all wrapped up in there--and they're right, I don't understand.
When I want religion I just want to sit quietly for a time. I don't want to spend energy thinking about things I want and pretending I already have them. In these times, I am hoping that The Universe will help me understand what I want and how I can be good to myself and others. And how to get it done.
This was long. Thanks for reading.
Friday, July 20, 2007
Sunday, July 15, 2007
Adrenaline Logic
It's the backwards impulses that run through your head when you're startled out of sleep, before you finish waking completely. Let's say you leave your door unlocked and your friend Lana comes in and wakes you up from your nap, and you see her and start screaming, and you recognize who she is and you still scream some more.
It's the logic that makes us try to answer the alarm clock, or bang on a ringing cell phone to make the alarm stop. And the early-morning contracts we make with ourselves that go something like this: "I can sleep for 5 more minutes and then I will get up, unassisted."
Or when you're startled out of sleep at 2:45am by your car alarm going off, and you look out the window and see a car driving away and your lights flashing and you think, "[expletive], I have to make this stop before it wakes my neighbors up," and you run around to find your keys and it stops, and then it starts up again spurring a new round of adrenaline logic, and you finally find the right button to push and you're standing there, on a chair looking out the high window at your car and breathing heavily and think, "whew, that's over" and then you get back in bed.
And waking up some more you think to go back to the window and look and look and finally realize--is that glass?
It's the logic that makes us try to answer the alarm clock, or bang on a ringing cell phone to make the alarm stop. And the early-morning contracts we make with ourselves that go something like this: "I can sleep for 5 more minutes and then I will get up, unassisted."
Or when you're startled out of sleep at 2:45am by your car alarm going off, and you look out the window and see a car driving away and your lights flashing and you think, "[expletive], I have to make this stop before it wakes my neighbors up," and you run around to find your keys and it stops, and then it starts up again spurring a new round of adrenaline logic, and you finally find the right button to push and you're standing there, on a chair looking out the high window at your car and breathing heavily and think, "whew, that's over" and then you get back in bed.
And waking up some more you think to go back to the window and look and look and finally realize--is that glass?
Saturday, July 14, 2007
Friday, July 13, 2007
No Autographs, please.
I win! My first/only art show!
On Friday, August 24, both Jason and I are participating in the annual SPIN party co-hosted by Aurora Picture Show and the Houston Center for Photography.
"Co-curated by Aurora Picture Show and HCP, Txt Me L8r explores the potential for distributed creativity through the use of cell phone technology. Artists and the general public are invited to sign-up to receive text messages with specific photography assignments sent throughout the course of the exhibition. Participants will use their camera phones to complete the assignment and upload their results to a photosharing site which will be video projected as slideshows in HCP´s galleries. Combining crowdsourcing with networked communication, Txt Me L8r invites artists and the general public alike to adapt new technologies for spontaneous, geographically-dispersed collaboration. "
You can come, if you want. I guarantee Zoo Zoo on the big screen in her modelling debut.
We don't have a camera, these days, so the camera phone rules.
Artistic expression on a deadline rules.
Whose idea was this party, anyway? That would be Debi*. Debi rules most of all.
*Three years ago, that is.
On Friday, August 24, both Jason and I are participating in the annual SPIN party co-hosted by Aurora Picture Show and the Houston Center for Photography.
"Co-curated by Aurora Picture Show and HCP, Txt Me L8r explores the potential for distributed creativity through the use of cell phone technology. Artists and the general public are invited to sign-up to receive text messages with specific photography assignments sent throughout the course of the exhibition. Participants will use their camera phones to complete the assignment and upload their results to a photosharing site which will be video projected as slideshows in HCP´s galleries. Combining crowdsourcing with networked communication, Txt Me L8r invites artists and the general public alike to adapt new technologies for spontaneous, geographically-dispersed collaboration. "
You can come, if you want. I guarantee Zoo Zoo on the big screen in her modelling debut.
We don't have a camera, these days, so the camera phone rules.
Artistic expression on a deadline rules.
Whose idea was this party, anyway? That would be Debi*. Debi rules most of all.
*Three years ago, that is.
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
In Case You Were Wondering...
| "The Singing Bee" | "Don't Forget The Lyrics" | |
|---|---|---|
Song Choice | Luck of the Draw | Contestants choose from eight genres and two song choices per genre. |
Host Qualifications | Joey Fatone lip-synced his way through N'Sync | Wayne Brady knows all about improv-ing lines from Whose Line is it Anyway and 30 Rock |
| Accompaniment | Live band; professional singers sink the bulk of songs (hahaha! I wrote sink! I meant sing! I'm going to leave this typo as is.) | Live band; contestant sings bulk of song with karaoke machine |
| Quality of Singing | Bad, but brief | Bad, and lengthy |
| Anal-Retentiveness | "No, I'm sorry, the line is not 'your desire,' it's 'AT your desire.'" (Audience: OHHHHHHHH.) | "Is it 'get' or is it 'earn'? Oh gosh, I don't know. Maybe we should go to a commercial break." |
| Time-Fillers | Disco dancers dressed in bee costumes boogie down on stage; band leads audience in weird rendition of "I'm So Excited!" (aka the song that caused Jessie Spanno to get hooked on drugs) | The usual reality game show tricks. "Are you sure this is your FINAL answer? Fifty thousand dollars at stake here. The correct.... answer... is... coming up next." |
| Second Chances | In the first part, you get another chance if your opponent sings it wrong, too. In the finale, you get up to three x's. | There are some lifelines, but we haven't seen any of them in action yet. |
| Network | ABC | Fox |
| Contestants | Five random people chosen from the audience compete down to one finalist. | One mousy girl who really likes bugs spans at least two episodes (maybe more?) |
| Reminiscent of... | That show on the Simpsons reminiscent of Sabado Giagante! with the fat guy dressed in a bee suit. | Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader?, minus annoying children; plus annoying backup dancers. |
| Prize | Up to $50,000; some kind of trophy? | Up to $1,000,000; no trophy. |
| Maybe We Should Have Thought of a Plan B? | In first episode, five contestants consecutively sing the SAME MISTAKE (see "anal retentive" category) to Bananarama's "Venus." Women everywhere switch to Schick. | Fox refuses to interrupt Monday night's god-awful "On The Lot" show in order to beat out those ABC assholes who air their show on Tuesday night. |
| You're Better Off: | Breaking out "No Strings Attached" and pretending to sing backup for JT in your living room. Scoff all you want; those songs were effing golden. | Tuning in early for "So You Think You Can Dance" (which despite an unfortunate name is actually good TV) and then turning off the TV. Or turn to PBS. Dear lord, turn to anything else. |
Verdict: Everyone loses with these options. Here is a not-so-secret secret I will share with you, gentle readers. Nobody cares if you know the words or not. Get thee to your nearest Spotlight Karaoke, order up a reeeeally girly drink (drink one for me, too!), and hit us, baby, one more time.
p.s. Admire my chart, please. I spent actually more time squinting at those tr's and td's than watching the shows, which says something... not something good, but something.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Here, There, Everywhere
Hey!
Jason took some wonderful pictures from our trip.
You want boats? We got boats.
You want memorials? We got all kinds of memorials.
We got memorials for crimes that ain't even been commited yet.
You want art? I've got your art right here.
Stick with me, baby. We is going places.
Also, a couple of lucky dorks got married. And God showed up to witness it, despite the 2,334,3212,21312,323 other weddings happening last weekend.
Look at that lighting! If that's not the Holy Spirit smiling on Heather and Ernie, I don't know what is.
Jason took some wonderful pictures from our trip.
You want boats? We got boats.
You want memorials? We got all kinds of memorials.
We got memorials for crimes that ain't even been commited yet.
You want art? I've got your art right here.
Stick with me, baby. We is going places.
Also, a couple of lucky dorks got married. And God showed up to witness it, despite the 2,334,3212,21312,323 other weddings happening last weekend.
Look at that lighting! If that's not the Holy Spirit smiling on Heather and Ernie, I don't know what is.
Monday, July 09, 2007
Earth Day, Everyday
So, on Saturday there was this concert thing. I wasn't really paying attention, but the idea--as I understand it--is essentially to make a huge global stink and raise awareness about the importance of renewable energy and resources.
There's some controversy about the effectiveness of a huge concert series in addressing this issue (and someone in England said, why are they coming here to lecture us? They're the worst culprits of all!), but for the most part, everyone is like--you go, Gore. We like your vision. Rock on.
So today I flip on the TV and catch part of Hell's Kitchen, which is a ridiculous show to begin with, and the punishment for the losing team today? RECYCLING. The winners of the challenge were treated to a champagne limo ride to a glamorous photo shoot, makeovers, fabulous outfits, etc. The losers have to dig through the entire restaurant's trash looking for recyclables.
I seem to remember a project like this in Girl Scouts when I was a kid, and I hated it as much as they do, but I brought it on myself in the name of "volunteerism." On the East Coast, in the suburbs, recycling was an everyday activity. We didn't have to sort through trash because we did it on the front end: soda cans, glass bottles, etc. go in the bin, which gets picked up on Tuesdays.
In the five years since I've lived in Houston, my behavior has altered to meet the city's resources.
Where the eff does Fox get off pushing recycling as punishment? Maybe Al Gore's right, and we need a global mindshift that is more important than raising money. But in my line of work, changing minds and raising money go hand in hand.
Change comes when recycling and renewable energy sources are made available to every community. It will be easy, expected, and mandatory. And that reality will be the one reflected on our "reality" TV shows.
There's some controversy about the effectiveness of a huge concert series in addressing this issue (and someone in England said, why are they coming here to lecture us? They're the worst culprits of all!), but for the most part, everyone is like--you go, Gore. We like your vision. Rock on.
So today I flip on the TV and catch part of Hell's Kitchen, which is a ridiculous show to begin with, and the punishment for the losing team today? RECYCLING. The winners of the challenge were treated to a champagne limo ride to a glamorous photo shoot, makeovers, fabulous outfits, etc. The losers have to dig through the entire restaurant's trash looking for recyclables.
I seem to remember a project like this in Girl Scouts when I was a kid, and I hated it as much as they do, but I brought it on myself in the name of "volunteerism." On the East Coast, in the suburbs, recycling was an everyday activity. We didn't have to sort through trash because we did it on the front end: soda cans, glass bottles, etc. go in the bin, which gets picked up on Tuesdays.
In the five years since I've lived in Houston, my behavior has altered to meet the city's resources.
Where the eff does Fox get off pushing recycling as punishment? Maybe Al Gore's right, and we need a global mindshift that is more important than raising money. But in my line of work, changing minds and raising money go hand in hand.
Change comes when recycling and renewable energy sources are made available to every community. It will be easy, expected, and mandatory. And that reality will be the one reflected on our "reality" TV shows.
Monday, July 02, 2007
Quit Hating on My Choice Seating
Me: Great news! I just signed in to my flight online and I got the BEST SEATS. The whole airplane is full, but for some reason the row by the emergency exit is empty. You know, the seat with no seat in front of it? With the leg room? So I got them.
Co-worker: Oh God, I hate that seat.
Me: What!?
Co-worker: I'm always afraid I'll flip out and try to open the door.
Me: You can't open the door, actually, but I was thinking more along the lines of leg room...
Co-worker: I'm just sayin'.
Later:
Me: Hey baby--great news! I got us awesome seats on the plane tomorrow.
J: Ok.
Me: You know the seat by the door with no seat in front of it? That's where you're sitting.
J: ...
J: I don't think I understand. Is it near the front or the back?
Me: It's in the middle.
J: Am I next to you?
Me: Of course, you're next to me,
J: I really think I'd prefer an aisle seat.
Me: No, you want this seat. Everyone wants this seat. It's the best seat in coach. It has the most legroom.
J: I guess I'll have to see it. I sort of had a plan. I--no, it's fine.
Me: I guess you'll be thanking me tomorrow, then.
Hey readers! I got these awesome seats! The whole PLANE was full except for the bestest, most choice seating on the plane. And this is from someone who flies A LOT. I know all about the seats in the back that don't recline and smell like toilet, I know about the seats in front of the emergency doors that don't recline, and I know about the short emergency row and the lucky bastard who gets to take advantage of it. Which should be Jason, tomorrow. Unless I kick his ass first.
Co-worker: Oh God, I hate that seat.
Me: What!?
Co-worker: I'm always afraid I'll flip out and try to open the door.
Me: You can't open the door, actually, but I was thinking more along the lines of leg room...
Co-worker: I'm just sayin'.
Later:
Me: Hey baby--great news! I got us awesome seats on the plane tomorrow.
J: Ok.
Me: You know the seat by the door with no seat in front of it? That's where you're sitting.
J: ...
J: I don't think I understand. Is it near the front or the back?
Me: It's in the middle.
J: Am I next to you?
Me: Of course, you're next to me,
J: I really think I'd prefer an aisle seat.
Me: No, you want this seat. Everyone wants this seat. It's the best seat in coach. It has the most legroom.
J: I guess I'll have to see it. I sort of had a plan. I--no, it's fine.
Me: I guess you'll be thanking me tomorrow, then.
Hey readers! I got these awesome seats! The whole PLANE was full except for the bestest, most choice seating on the plane. And this is from someone who flies A LOT. I know all about the seats in the back that don't recline and smell like toilet, I know about the seats in front of the emergency doors that don't recline, and I know about the short emergency row and the lucky bastard who gets to take advantage of it. Which should be Jason, tomorrow. Unless I kick his ass first.
Sunday, July 01, 2007
We All Feel Like This Sometimes
Leo: I'm hysterical!
[max splashes him with water]
Leo: (pauses) I'm wet! I'm wet and I'm hysterical!
[max slaps him]
Leo: (pauses) I'm in pain! and I'm wet and I'm still hysterical!
-from The Producers, with Zero Mostel and Gene Wilder
Some of us just can't identify our physical and mental state-of-being quite as easily.
[max splashes him with water]
Leo: (pauses) I'm wet! I'm wet and I'm hysterical!
[max slaps him]
Leo: (pauses) I'm in pain! and I'm wet and I'm still hysterical!
-from The Producers, with Zero Mostel and Gene Wilder
Some of us just can't identify our physical and mental state-of-being quite as easily.
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