| "The Singing Bee" | "Don't Forget The Lyrics" | |
|---|---|---|
Song Choice | Luck of the Draw | Contestants choose from eight genres and two song choices per genre. |
Host Qualifications | Joey Fatone lip-synced his way through N'Sync | Wayne Brady knows all about improv-ing lines from Whose Line is it Anyway and 30 Rock |
| Accompaniment | Live band; professional singers sink the bulk of songs (hahaha! I wrote sink! I meant sing! I'm going to leave this typo as is.) | Live band; contestant sings bulk of song with karaoke machine |
| Quality of Singing | Bad, but brief | Bad, and lengthy |
| Anal-Retentiveness | "No, I'm sorry, the line is not 'your desire,' it's 'AT your desire.'" (Audience: OHHHHHHHH.) | "Is it 'get' or is it 'earn'? Oh gosh, I don't know. Maybe we should go to a commercial break." |
| Time-Fillers | Disco dancers dressed in bee costumes boogie down on stage; band leads audience in weird rendition of "I'm So Excited!" (aka the song that caused Jessie Spanno to get hooked on drugs) | The usual reality game show tricks. "Are you sure this is your FINAL answer? Fifty thousand dollars at stake here. The correct.... answer... is... coming up next." |
| Second Chances | In the first part, you get another chance if your opponent sings it wrong, too. In the finale, you get up to three x's. | There are some lifelines, but we haven't seen any of them in action yet. |
| Network | ABC | Fox |
| Contestants | Five random people chosen from the audience compete down to one finalist. | One mousy girl who really likes bugs spans at least two episodes (maybe more?) |
| Reminiscent of... | That show on the Simpsons reminiscent of Sabado Giagante! with the fat guy dressed in a bee suit. | Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader?, minus annoying children; plus annoying backup dancers. |
| Prize | Up to $50,000; some kind of trophy? | Up to $1,000,000; no trophy. |
| Maybe We Should Have Thought of a Plan B? | In first episode, five contestants consecutively sing the SAME MISTAKE (see "anal retentive" category) to Bananarama's "Venus." Women everywhere switch to Schick. | Fox refuses to interrupt Monday night's god-awful "On The Lot" show in order to beat out those ABC assholes who air their show on Tuesday night. |
| You're Better Off: | Breaking out "No Strings Attached" and pretending to sing backup for JT in your living room. Scoff all you want; those songs were effing golden. | Tuning in early for "So You Think You Can Dance" (which despite an unfortunate name is actually good TV) and then turning off the TV. Or turn to PBS. Dear lord, turn to anything else. |
Verdict: Everyone loses with these options. Here is a not-so-secret secret I will share with you, gentle readers. Nobody cares if you know the words or not. Get thee to your nearest Spotlight Karaoke, order up a reeeeally girly drink (drink one for me, too!), and hit us, baby, one more time.
p.s. Admire my chart, please. I spent actually more time squinting at those tr's and td's than watching the shows, which says something... not something good, but something.
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