Day 2

Four Steps to a Clean Break:

step 1: digital deletion
In this case, done not out of spite but out of necessity. Phone number erased from phone to prevent drunk dialing or late-night hysterics. E-mails sent to trash so as not to monopolize inbox (and thoughts).

step 2: hide the evidence
Stray clothing put in a bag for future exchange. He left a gray shirt, a sweatshirt, and that's about it. At his place I left food, wine, clothes, books... perhaps enough to merit a box.

step 3: stay busy
My plans for this week include:
-buy a DVD player
-use haircut gift certificate
-clean the entire apartment
-go to an art opening
-buy a ticket to MD
-plan a trip to San Francisco

step 4: do something drastic
After past breakups, I've purged myself by chopping off hair, piercing an eyebrow, or, recently, adopting a kitten. Thinking about what I could do now to start fresh and do something good for myself, there was only one clear answer: stop the nasty habit-turned-addiction as a direct result of dating a smoker. I smoked like a chimney yesterday, and am stopping cold turkey today.

Every breath I've taken today has been clear, and cold, and a little painful. But sometimes you need to feel the pain physically, deep in the pit of your stomach, like a clenched fist. The body surviving.