baby steps

For months, it's been: "shut the door, quick, before the cat gets out!"

Today when I finally opened the door for her, she stood there for 5 minutes, just smelling. When she finally stepped out, it was with a quivering paw, cautiously, as if stepping onto thin ice. Every step after was the same hesitant footing, as if the ground might give way beneath her.

She started life as a stray, discovered by some schoolchildren. Weened too early, she continues to suckle at my hands any chance she gets (I have to bury them beneath the sheets to keep her from drooling on them). Lately she's been driving me crazy, and likely vice versa, so I decided that it's time for her to start life as an indoor/outdoor cat.

When asked for advice, my co-worker said: "Well, you just let her out. She'll come back when she gets hungry."

I looked for her before I left the apartment; walked around the block and couldn't find her. Running through the worst case scenarios in my head, I figured I had rescued her from starvation, given her food and love, neutured her, and if I never saw her again... well... we had a good run. My crazy gypsy cat.

When I came home two hours later (is it lame to leave a place with the excuse "I'm worried about my cat"?), I heard a faint miaow... and before I could make it outside to shake the food bag, she was running through my door. She's kept her distance, but she did come over to say hello. Her breath smelled funny.

Tomorrow I'm going to buy her a collar, just in case there are any doubts. If this is what it feels like letting go of an adolescent kitten, I'm not at all sure about this children thing.