string of profanities

Lesson #1: Why Didn't I Think of That?

My task at lunch duty is a simple one: make sure the students fill all the seats, one row at a time. Our cafeteria is generally filled, except for the isolation tables, and it just makes sense. I make exceptions for groups of three and rarely make anyone sit completely by themselves. Today at the next-to-last table, there were four seats left and a group of five boys who promptly sat at the empty table. "Come on guys--I need three of you over here. Two of you can stay together if you want."

The largest one took exception: "F--- that. I've been testing all day, I'm tired, I'm hungry, and I'm not going to move." The others chimed in: "Yeah, Miss, give us a break."

"You--what's your name?"
"[mumblemumble] name's Duvall."
"Ok, Duvall. You actually make a very good point. If you had asked me politely using those reasons, I probably would have let you stay. But the way you just spoke to me was very rude, and you need to go sit by yourself."

He did move. When I later relayed the story to a co-worker, she just laughed. "Ok, Rosa Parks."

Lesson #2: A Midsummer Night's Sit-down and Shut-yo-mouth

Ricardo is used to getting thrown out into the hall. In fact, it's happened so often that he's made hall-buddies and decided that hall-life is far preferable to classroom-life. Today as we made our way through Act II, I could see Ricardo gazing wistfully out the narrow window to the hallway. When the time came, he refused to read his part, and then made a show of refusing to even follow along. "Ok, up," I said.

He bounced out of his seat and headed for the door.

"No." I pointed to the lone chair facing the classroom next to my stool. "Bring your book."

He picked up the chair and headed once more for the door.

"Nooooo.... sit."

I saw the desparation in his eyes, and the hamster wheel turning. What would it take, he calculated, to make it out that door. Deliberately and with enunciation, he looked at me and muttered: "f--- that s---."

"Nice try. Sit down. Right here next to me will be fine."

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I am the teacher. I AM the teacher. I always win.