Who wants to be my 403(b) benefactor?

First person to post a social security number wins the five percent of my income that I am investing in "agressive, socially-conscious" funds. Doesn't that sound awesome? GRRRR! Go funds, go! Beat up those other funds!

(No, really, don't post your social security number here. That's hella dangerous.)

p.s. I edited this post like four times after I hit publish. That's cheating, right?

Shower Vision

I find it increasingly difficult to monitor my activity in the shower, seeing as how it's such a prime "zone out" location. More and more these days, I find myself lathering up and instantly becoming lost in thought--so much so that when I come to, I couldn't tell you what exactly I was thinking about, how long I had been standing there, and whether or not I had washed and conditioned my hair.

I like to think that after 26 years, I wouldn't forget to, say, wash my underarms on a daily basis, but who can know for sure?

The fact that shower activity takes place before coffee surely contributes to the problem.

Does this happen to anyone else?

(If all goes right, you should be able to comment here now.)

Oh, So You're Going to Be That Sort of Weekend...

Strike One: Friday evening, I managed to mail only one of two grant proposals that needed to get in the mailbox, prompted a return trip 15 minutes later for the second one. Plus--envelope #1 was having sort of glue issue, and I am not at all convinced my letter will get to its destination intact.

Strike Two: "Disc 6" of Deadwood is freaking special features!!! I was all geared up for two more episodes... and, no.

Strike Two-and-a-half: After repeated, yet sincere, whining to Richard about how I left my knitting bag (with work-in-progress) at work, I wake up and realize it's actually beside the bed. (This is only a half-strike, because now I don't have to make a special trip.)

Lankford Grocery, we're headed your way for some breakfast. No funny bizness, now. You're on very thin ice.

Muse

"Along Comes Mary" by The Association
"Auntie Mary" by Harry Belafonte
"Blind Mary" by Garnet Rogers
"Crazy Mary" by Victoria Williams, covered by Pearl Jam
"Cross-Eyed Mary" by Jethro Tull
"Help Me Mary" by Liz Phair
"Johnny And Mary" by Robert Palmer
"Just Before Mary Goes" by Universal Honey
"Mary" by Tori Amos
"Mary" by The 4 Of Us
"Mary" by Patty Griffin (ed. note: covered by Ben Harper)
"Mary" by Anne O'Meara Heaton
"Mary" by Sarah McLachlan
"Mary" by Oingo Boingo
"Mary" by Scissor Sisters
"Mary" by Sarah Slean
"Mary" by Supergrass
"Mary" by The Subways
"Mary Kay" by Jill Sobule
"Mary Loves the Flowers" by Rebecca Riots
"Mary Magdalene" by Patty Larkin
"Mary Makes Magic" by Harry Belafonte
"Mary, Mary" by Harry Belafonte
"Mary, Mary" by The Monkees (covered by Paul Butterfield Blues Band)
"Mary, Mary, So Contrary" by Can
"Mary Queen of Arkansas" by Bruce Springsteen
"Mary's Boy Child" by Harry Belafonte
"Mary's Place" by Bruce Springsteen
"Mary's in India" by Dido
"Mary Tyler Moore" by Barbara Kessler
"Mary Without Sound" by Motion City Soundtrack
"Creek Mary's Blood" By Nightwish
"Mo Mary" by Harry Belafonte
"Now Mary" by The White Stripes
"Poor Mary Lane" by Moxy Früvous
"Pretty Mary" by Trout Fishing in America
"Proud Mary" by Creedence Clearwater Revival (notable cover by Ike & Tina Turner)
"Soundtrack to Mary", by Soul Coughing
"Devilish Mary" by The Skillet Lickers
"Sweet Lady Mary" by The Faces
"Sweet Mary" by Wadsworth Mansion
"Take a Message to Mary" by The Everly Brothers
"The Mary Getaway" by The Working Title
"The Nancy & Mary Music" by Frank Zappa
"The Wind Cries Mary" by Jimi Hendrix
"Tom and Mary" by Ben Folds
"Marys of the Sea" by Tori Amos
"Mary Ann" by Alice Cooper
"Mary Ann" by Harry Belafonte
"Mary Ann" by Ray Charles
"Mary Anne" by Marshall Crenshaw
"Mary Anne with the Shaky Hand" by The Who
"Mary-Anne" by Sam Shaber
"Mary Ellen Makes The Moment Count" by a-ha
"Mary Hooley" by Phranc
"Last Dance With Mary Jane" by Tom Petty
"Mary Jane" by Rick James
"Mary Jane" by Alanis Morissette
"Mary Jane" by The Miracle Workers
"Mary Jane" by The Spin Doctors
"Mary Jane" by Tumbleweed
"What's the New Mary Jane" by The Beatles
"Mary Jean" by Marshall Crenshaw
"Hello, Mary Lou" by Gene Pitney (notable covers by Creedence Clearwater Revival, Ricky Nelson, The Statler Brothers)
"Mary Lee Jones" by Lindsey Buckingham
"Mary Lou" by Bob Seger
"Mary Long" by Deep Purple
"Mary Melody" by Mad Caddies

Find Your Song.

Elevator Talk

I get on the elevator at the sixth floor. Mr. Overtanned Business Executive Who Drives a Lexus is already on the elevator, along with Cute New Secretary. He is explaining to her, as best as I can tell in six flights of travel, the philosophy of their office culture:

"You see, too many people get caught up in 'hi,' 'how are you,' 'can you believe how hot it is' small talk, and never get to the meat of what they really mean--'you have bad breath,' for example, is something you would say to a friend, but not to someone you have to tiptoe around... OH I'm just using that as an example, I'm not saying that YOU have bad breath."

And then I bust in with: GREAT! I think you're a TOOL.

No, I don't really, but I wish I could have.

When I have fears that I may cease to be

This book called Fears of Your Life c/o Mighty Goods reminds me of a writing prompt I learned about in a WITS training.

In the prompt, aimed at middle school and higher grades, students read a poem which is essentially the author's litany of fears, written as graphically and explicitly as possible. (I can't find the poem right now, but will update if I do.)

In conjunction, students either visit or look at prints of Andy Warhol's electric chair prints, some of which are housed in the Menil Collection.

The idea is to face your nightmares head on, write them down on paper where they will cease to be as horrible as they seem in the receases of your mind.

Some examples:

-That I will fall on a sharp stick and piece my eyeball
-That roaches will crawl into my head through my ears
-That a nuclear bomb will hit, and I will watch my skin burning from my bones.

You get the idea.

Not surprisingly, middle school kids LOVE this stuff. Even the reluctant writers, when given permission, could fill pages upon pages of horrible, frightening, sad and often revealing fears.

A "gateway" prompt to other types of writing.

I was not the world's best teacher, but it makes me sad that this information lives in my head and not in classrooms where it might be useful. If you are a teacher who has stumbled upon this page, I recommend calling the WITS people to see if they have any upcoming teacher training. Seriously cool stuff.

The Lady in the Whaaa?

Y'all, I'm starting to think that rottentomatoes.com is just whack. I know, I know--don't shoot the messenger. Ok, maybe the film critics are just pissed at their fictional and amusing demise.

Lady in the Water? Completely delightful. The only beef I have, if you can call it that, is M. Night Shamayalamamamaaman making himself the savior of the world.

And even that is sort of excusable because it's his fairy tale, goddammit.

I wanna make a movie!!

(ed.) As a footnote, having recently read [the first three chapters of] Jim Collin's book Good To Great, I contend that Cleveland Heep is a "level 5" leader and over the course of the movie he builds a really "Great" apartment complex. Here's why:

Level 5 Leadership: Moving from good to great starts with leadership, with the will and drive to succeed. Not on a personal level, but for the company to succeed.
--Cleveland Heep operates as a CEO with "personal humility and professional will" focused on making a great company (or in this case, getting Story back to her Blue World) regardless of how crazy people will think he is.

First Who...Then What: Next find the right people to manage and run the business.
--Heep actively seeks out weirdos in his complex who can fit into pre-ordained roles in order to make the ceremony work, and isn't afraid to move, add, or eliminate folks when that doesn't work out.

Control the Brutal Facts: Then look at the facts objectively. What are your core competencies?
--Instead of sitting around and moaning and groaning about "Where are the Tartuics? They were supposed to be here by now! Why is this happening to me?" Heep and Co. focus on what they CAN do in order to help Story escape.

Hedgehog Concept: Then take action based on being the best at what you can be the best at.
--The interpreter interprets, the writer writes, the guardian guards, the healer heals, the guild throws a party, the movie critic dies. No one's going around being all, "I wanna be the guardian! Look I would make a really good guardian..."

Culture of Discipline: Implement the resulting plan rigorously, with discipline and focus.
--How long does Heep hold his breath under water? Like two hours? Case and point.

Out of Yar!m's Way

A while back, I posted some pictures that my friend Michael had taken of Yar! spottings in Houston. I'm not a graffiti aficionado, but I think this is good stuff. Every now and then I'll be driving and some lovable ghosty figure will say "Yar! loves you!" and it's like--awwww--this city is a'ok.

So I found a link to his/her flickr page and it looks like even though Yar! loves the city of Houston, the city of Houston does not love Yar!, and is spending upwards of 2 million to stop the "eyesores." I think that would be very sad, but what do I know.

You can decide for yourself here.

32 Flavors and then some

I want one in every color:

Hats

Bath

Tarte

Ink

A Prairie Home Snoozefest

Given my virtual upbringing in Lake Woebegone, I expected to love this movie--and found it a disapointment.

For one, I was expecting (don't ask me why) a fictional MURDER-MYSTERY that takes place on the set of the popular NPR weekend radio show.

As a stand-alone drama, I found the "plot" elements distracting and downright boring.

I don't understand, because it got such positive reviews.

Am I not THE target audience for this film?
What went wrong?

If you're wondering if you've still got it...

...and you find yourself getting hit on:

1. by a straight dude
2. at the gay bar
3. on PRIDE PARADE day
4. in French

...well, that says something.

Maybe not what you'd like it to say.

But something.

Random Acts of Alliteration

If I Were President...

...and I'm not saying I should be...

...but if I WERE, and some lobbyists/Extreme-Christian-Right came up to me with this banning same-sex marriage bullshiz, I'd be like, "Ok, show me the economic ramifications." (Take note: 5-syllable word there, yo--sans speechwriter)

And they'd be like, "None that we know of. This is really a moral governance issue. It has no economic implications whatsoever."

And I'd be like, "BITCHES--get out of My House! I've got serious sh-t to do. I'm the f-cking PRESIDENT."

What am I missing here?
Don't they have a screening process or something?

Double post!

Rumors of My Financial Demise Have Been Greatly Exagerated

Y'all, hold the phones!

I realize some of you out there might be concerned to hear that an American Apparel has sprouted up right under our very noses, not--as expected--downtown or in the Rice Village shopping center, but in the heart of Montrose: right next door to THREE yuppie coffeeshops, a hipster bar, a hipster bookstore, several hipster resale clothing stores, a small contingency of antique stores, and my apartment.

...On second thought, it makes perfect sense.

Not to worry--I have excellent credit and the mental discipline of a--0oooh, shiny object.

Ok, I'm a little worried, too.

I can see it from my HOUSE! Looky all the purdy colors!

This is worse than that Urban Outfitters next to the Sangria Bar. Whoever said that Houston lacks any city planning is lying to your debit card.

What what?

Ok, so she's CUTE--but still--it's the NATIONAL spelling bee, root word being "nation," meaning the nation of the united states of america, or whatever.

In other words--Canada, go home.

We are VERY pleased that this event is finally being televised on prime-time TV. It's about damn time that nerd-dom was celebrated as the competitive sport it actually is.

[ed.]
p.s. "Runner-up was Finola Mei Hwa Hackett, a 14-year-old Canadian, a confident speller during two days of competition who stumbled on 'weltschmerz,' which means sadness over the evils of the world."

What a fanTAStic word.

[ed.2]
p.p.s.
Did y'all see that? Scripps Spell Bee--what the hell is wrong with you? "Sorry you missed that word, kid--go sit on the floor next to your parents." Invest in some freaking chairs! Or at least let the kid go pout backstage first. Geez Louise.