Two school stories

1. Fourth period, I babysit the last few stragglers taking their "snapshot" TAKS tests. The room is equally divided between students who just like to take their time and be careful, and the ones who have been zoning out until now. Rafael is one of two students who hasn't started the second section yet, and we have 15 minutes left in class. He asks me, "What happens if I don't finish the essay and just do the multiple choice?"

"Kiddo, you have to finish the essay. It's required. I can't let you leave this building for Christmas break until you do. I'll keep you here until 6pm on Thursday if I have to."

And he says, with no trace of sarcasm, "Ok."

Blink. Blink. "Excuse me?"

"Ok, I'd rather do that. Can I stay after school?"

Rafael doesn't realize that I have already called the bar, that they already know to have my margarita ready and waiting at 3:35 on Thursday, five minutes after the last bell rings and two weeks of freedom begin. I give him a big toothy smile.

"You could, but you'd have a VERY unhappy teacher on your hands, and I'd have to make sure that you're unhappy too."

"....or I could finish it now."


2. The best thing about the science field trip was the planetarium. Not so much for the crappy film about Saturn, but the few magical moments when I stood before my students in their cushy reclining chairs, and threatened to call their parents if they behaved badly in the presentation. As I projected my voice across the seats, it echoed off the domed ceiling and resounded around the theater, bouncing off the constellations. Ten times better than singing in the shower. I may have gone on for longer than necessary, because the film operator interjected by dimming the lights in a modern-day "give that woman the hook" maneuver. How much do you suppose planetarium operators get paid?