It Works, Ok.

Somewhere between the testing of the fire alarm and the clangy construction of an office above your head and an unidentified buzzy white noise and the seasickening traffic of 59 in your periphery view, you think to yourself

you think

your life would be lovelier in a Mary Oliver poem.

Here's the thing about news coverage of education...

A question I get asked by a lot by board members/concerned individuals is "what are you doing to spread awareness of [acronym]?"

Let's ignore for a minute the fact that no one on my (Houston) team has any formal media/PR training, and focus on the myriad of accomplishment/bragging rights we have to offer. Surely, the public wants to hear about all the good stuff our members and alumni are doing in schools, right?

But see--I'm not convinced, because right now I'm watching a report on sex offenders in schools (in this case, an 8th grader), and it occurs to me that every news report I've seen in the past year on schools concerns sex, guns, knives, drugs, dropout cover-up scandal (getting closer!) and other "sexy" topics.

I don't know; maybe if I had children in school I'd be more concerned by these topics instead of seeing them as fluff. Yes, I am well-aware of my bias.

But as it stands, even if we had a crack media team cranking out great stories about good things happening in schools, I'm not sure anyone would be interested.

To come to completion; end

e-mail
from: Mary
to: Jason

I knew that "culmative" was not spelled correctly, but couldn't figure out why the spell-checker couldn't help me.

turns out i've been thinking/saying:
"KUL-MA-TIVE"

instead of

"KYOUM-U-LA-TIVE"

How embarrassing.

--------

12:21 PM Jason: those two are close in meaning, no?
me: whatchu mean
12:23 PM Jason: nevermind.
apex v. combined.
12:24 PM me: so how do you spell kulmative
?
12:25 PM Jason: cumalativity.
12:26 PM cumulative.
me: culminate
is the apex
cumulative
is combined
and
culmative
means NOTHING!!

Get ready...

February, 2007 is official Fruitcake Brigade Novel Writing Month.

You have until February 1, 2007 to think and plan, but NOT TO WRITE.

All entries must be 100 pages in length. Emphasis is on quantity, not quality. Project based loosely/heavily on UNT's project this month:

"National Novel Writing Month is a fun, seat-of-your-pants approach to novel writing. Participants begin writing November 1. The goal is to write a 175-page (50,000-word) novel by midnight, November 30.

Valuing enthusiasm and perseverance over painstaking craft, NaNoWriMo is a novel-writing program for everyone who has thought fleetingly about writing a novel but has been scared away by the time and effort involved.

Because of the limited writing window, the ONLY thing that matters in NaNoWriMo is output. It's all about quantity, not quality. The kamikaze approach forces you to lower your expectations, take risks, and write on the fly."

To learn more about NaNoWriMo at Willis Library, go to http://www.library.unt.edu/genref/outreach.htm

To learn more about National Novel Writing Month, go to www.nanowrimo.org"

We're a little busy this November, so hang in there until February. Who's with me?

BUNNICULA!

I don't buy/cook eggplant often/ever, so I was delighted to find out what happens when it goes bad:



Either there are vampire rabbits in my fridge [and here is where we all turn and eye the cat suspiciously], or the Howes are very busy writing witty children's books that will later be subjected to hilarious required reviews by 4th grade teachers... and they, like me, are not very good at following up on odd vegetable purchases.

My mom read me Bunnicula when I was a kid. She did ALL the voices.

I ask you again, how is this an eyesore?

Trip Update

That arch is photoshopped, y'all.

Travellin' Blues

This week, I am doing very grown-up business-tripy things.

In:



This is the first time I have done the flying, car-renting, hotel-staying, navigating strange new city (no offense, St. Louie) thing ALL BY MY LONESOME.

At least I have a partner-in-crime for the interview-conducting.

I still haven't written my "about [acronym]" story.

And I can't figure out the Washington U. campus. I dunno where to park once I get there. Good thing its a rental car--maybe I'll just park wherever.

And, and, I'm feeling really nervous and Sunday-night-jittery like I used to feel before the beginning of a school week.

And, I wish you were here.

P(red)ictable

Are any of you out there surprised that I really, really want this:



?

No?

In fact, I'll take one of everything in this collection, thank you.

"Snuggle Porn"

Say hellooooo to panda-cam!

me: OH
mum's back
! squishy pandas
Jason: oh, hold on...
whoa...
ahhhhhh!!!
me: OMG
Jason: no
shit.
ahhhhh!!!!
i
want
to
nuzzle
you.
me: AWWW
srsly
Jason: like watching snuggle porn.
at work!

Let the Good People Be Nice

My old friend Claire went and got herself ordained!

I missed her guest appearance at the church where we went through Sunday School together as young 'uns, but Mom sent me pictures and a link to her sermon: Kharma, Dharma, Pudding and Pie.

I remember listening to the mix radio morning show when I was about 15 and hearing someone's list of the top "sexy" professions--one being a Unitarian Universalist minister. I imagine that Jack Diamond in the Morning (and Bert!) didn't write that part of the script, because they both seemed a little befuddled, and moved on immediately.

Yay Claire! You are totally sexy and smart and eloquent. I'm sorry I could not be there.

"Mixed and Seasoned Vegetables"

salad days: A time of youthful inexperience, innocence, or indiscretion.

"However, Jan Freeman pointed out in one of her word columns for the Boston Globe back in April 2001 that the expression has shifted sense in the US in the past twenty years or so. It now often refers to a period in the past when somebody was at the peak of their abilities or earning power, in their heyday, not necessarily when they were young. The shift isn’t so hard to understand when you think how few people actually know their Shakespeare."

Dammit, Jim

Anyone who works with me, or who has ever carried on a conversation during work hours, knows that this $700 program makes me cry.

I am not exagerating. I have been brought--on multiple occasions--to wet blobby tears, simply by thinking about upcoming projects that require the use of InDesign.

Unlike most of my "knowledge gaps" at work that I am hungry to fill, this is absolutely not one of them. I have no desire to learn the program. I have no desire to layout the newsletter. I have no desire to write the newsletter article, although I would prefer to write it than to make it look pretty on a page.

I cry and I cry and then I look on craigslist for new jobs, and I think "vitamin store--that could be cool," all over a stupid computer program.

TX Gubernatorial Debate--A Play by Play

The contestants:

Rick "The Incumbant" Perry (R)
Carole Keeton "Grandma" Strayhorn (I)
Kinky "why the hell not" Friedman (I)
Chris "who????" Bell (D)

Q1: Illegal immigration

Carole says: Fair legal immigration program. Let's put the Texas rangers in charge. Strengthen our border and secure TX.

Perry says: Asking for $100 million next session to address the border issue. I put those troops there before Bush asked me to b/c Rio Grande sherifs asked for help.

Kinky says: Yup. Taxpayer ID cards. [[He said "sock 'em!" Oh my god. He also said "illegal running through a field."]]

Bell says: Crack down on employers & logical and sensible debate.

Q2: Taxes & education

Perry says: 15.5 billion dollar property tax reduction. Reformed school finance system plus raise for teachers. p.s. Bi-partisan.

Carole says: "Shake Austin up" People first. Govner is LYING.

Bell says: Not going to raise taxes, but businesses need to be paying their fair share. Close loopholes plus 6k raise for teachers. Lots of certified teachers [[like me!!!]] who are not teaching.

Kinky says: "Playin mickey mouse games." NCLB has failed. Legalize casino gambling to pay for education every year: ie, texas hold'em.

ooooohhhhh---question and rebutal round!!!!

Chris Bell asks Carole: You've given .5 billion in tax breaks to clients of your biggest contributors. How can people trust you know?

Carole says: JERK. Drop dead. [[Ok, I editorialized. She didn't really say anything at all.]]

Bell rebuts: Facts are the facts. We'll clean up Austin.

*

Kinky asks Bell: We're trying to spread democracy--Perry ducked out of all the debates that were offered. What do you think of that?

Bell said: V. important to have debates. We said any time, any place. Let's do this again and again!!

Friedman "rebuts": poly = more than one; ticks = blood-sucking parasites (HAAH!)

*

Perry asks Friedman: Bio-diesal, etc. What's your long-term vision and plan for this growing state for energy?

Kinky says: importing energy for the first time in history. I want Willie Nelson to organize the co-ops and make the school buses bio-diesal. We can do it with solar, wind, etc.

Perry rebuts: #1 wind generating state in the nation. 10B infrastructure in wind energy. Going to take a lot of different types of energy in future.

*

Carole asks Perry: [[uhhh... something about sexual predators?]]

Perry says: Continue to strengthen laws.

Carole rebuts: We love our children!! Mandatory lifetime without parole for first-time sexual predators. [[She's sort of scary]]

Rooooooouuuuunnnnd 4!

Q4 to Chris Bell: You are boring, sir.

Bell says: Well, yes. My kids are in public schools in Houston [[oh lord]] & I know the ins and outs. Reduce our dependence on high stakes testing.

Kinky says: I agree with Chris. TAKS has to go. Gives everyone a nervous breakdown.

Perry says: Schools doing great job. 20% increase in kids going to college.

Carole says: Texans are excited about MEEEEE because I'm wearing a pink suit.

Q5 to Kinky: You are completely politically incorrect and we don't think you are very funny.

Kinky says: I was raised by a black lady in Houston, TX. I'm color-blind. These sort of arguments take away from real concerns, like crime and murder in Houston. I want to send $100 million to Houston law enforcement [[to keep people from breaking into Mary's car.]] (Yesssss!)

Perry says: Words matter.

Carole says: Did you see my pink suit? I love EVERYONE. [[p.s. she said "Anglos"]]

Chris says: Racist comments have no place in this campaign, but it all comes down to a different view of politics. Actual def. of politics is art or science of political governance.

Q6 to Perry: Which is more imp., jobs in TX or raises for your staff?

Perry says: We go through same process as private sector.

Carole says: tell the people of TX the TRUTH, liar!!! lies lies lies. more lies. you suck, perry.

Bell says: more $$s to parks funding

Kinky says: Stop ganging up on me! [[Oh.... Kinky....]]

Q7 to Carole: You've accepted >1 million in campaign contributions; you've flip-flopped; are you an opportunist?

Carole says: I did what I said I would do. Government in the sunshine. [[What??]]

Chris says: Nobody knows who I am because I'm the only one playing fair.

Kinky says: 6x as many contributions from individuals as Rick Perry, and he has more money. You all are trying to suppress the vote.

Perry says: Let's talk about the budget instead.

Q8: Citizen question to Kinky Friedman
"Will you have a cigar in your hand as governor?"

A: Yes. Sam Houston did it!

Q9: Citizen question to Perry
"Why are the people not allowed to vote on Trans-Texas highway?"

A: It was debated fully in 2003 and 2005. Bottom line: people did vote. [[What. You don't remember?]]

Q10: Citizen question to Strayhorn
"How will you stop this highway thing?

A: I'll kill it myself! Dead!

Q11: Citizen question for Bell
"Will you pledge to make tuition deregulation happen?"

A: Let's make college affordable for middle class families. p.s. re: highway--this thing is a disaster and wrong wrong wrong.

Two speed rounds... can't... keep... up!!! Basically this round is to prove the candidates' ignorance on things like college tuition, the Mexican president, term limit, and energy bills. And they are. Ignorant, that is.

Last round: one-on-ones

This is a great round.

Ok, Kinky is a total hippy; Chris Bell is the only one who knows a damn thing about public education (and no one knows who he is); "Grandma" is a FLIP-FLOPPER (and her suit is too pink and if she is elected I will vomit); and Perry is the only one who looks/sounds remotely governor-esque.

The winner: Perry.
My vote: Bell.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled Texas high school football game.

heart takes a passenger flight into space

tempted by richard branson's sweet deal,
heart buckles down with a leg, some fingernails
two nervous lungs and some sweat glands
in the SpaceShipOne with six
space tourists,
the trip of a lifetime for the low low cost of

but heart isn't paying for this trip,
tagging along for the ride
in the name of scientific research.
heart brought a camera, some crackers
a postcard to send to you in zero gravity

heart would like a window seat but settles for
the freezered compartment,
picturing the clouds whizzing by
as the plane flies up up up
far above the other planes;
heart is pounding and the glands
start to smell, leg twitching like crazy

if stomach were here, in these cramped quarters,
it would drop
right through the floor

for three minutes in space heart is released
to float around, earth curving below
like a cataracted unblinking
eyeball

returned to chest, heart hears only:
contract. do not contract.
asserting lackluster sovereignty
on the circulatory system.
for weeks, heart will leap
wildly against the ribs, suspended in blood
for a moment,
remembering freefall