Sunday, September 17, 2006
Sunday, September 10, 2006
Lending Out Books
You're always giving, my therapist said.
You have to learn how to take. Whenever
you meet a woman, the first thing you do
is lend her your books. You think she'll
have to see you again in order to return them.
But what happens is, she doesn't have the time
to read them, & she's afraid if she sees you again
you'll expect her to talk about them, & will
want to lend her even more. So she
cancels the date. You end up losing
a lot of books. You should borrow hers.
-Hal Sirowitz
You have to learn how to take. Whenever
you meet a woman, the first thing you do
is lend her your books. You think she'll
have to see you again in order to return them.
But what happens is, she doesn't have the time
to read them, & she's afraid if she sees you again
you'll expect her to talk about them, & will
want to lend her even more. So she
cancels the date. You end up losing
a lot of books. You should borrow hers.
-Hal Sirowitz
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Straight and Narrow
Everywhere I work, it seems like people want to put me in a box. At my previous job, I was Ms. D------, that mostly-nice (depending on who you ask!) lesbian teacher lady with the slightly crazy tendencies... smart though, generous with resources, and a lot of fun over happy hour.
Most of the above sentence is accurate. I really don't know where the inaccuracy started, or why it stuck around as long as it did, and frankly I don't care.
Fast-forward to the present, and the completely random coincidence that my boss and I happen to share the same last name: hers through marriage, mine through birth. We are not related.
So here's an excerpt from this email that went out to the entire national development staff, and it's really not helping my case any:
"It's been a little over a month - time to reminisce!
Bee and Mary D------ at the Development Conference happy hour in Houston."
My first thought seeing this picture was, "holy crud--you are looking positively ROUND there, Ms. Lesbow. Put the beer down [beer not pictured] and do some sit-ups, stat!" My second thought was that I'd just been married off... to my boss, no less.
Folks, without getting too graphic such as to earn a PG-13 rating, I've not ever even "experimented." I am really straight. Straight and narr---crap.
Most of the above sentence is accurate. I really don't know where the inaccuracy started, or why it stuck around as long as it did, and frankly I don't care.
Fast-forward to the present, and the completely random coincidence that my boss and I happen to share the same last name: hers through marriage, mine through birth. We are not related.
So here's an excerpt from this email that went out to the entire national development staff, and it's really not helping my case any:
"It's been a little over a month - time to reminisce!
Bee and Mary D------ at the Development Conference happy hour in Houston."
My first thought seeing this picture was, "holy crud--you are looking positively ROUND there, Ms. Lesbow. Put the beer down [beer not pictured] and do some sit-ups, stat!" My second thought was that I'd just been married off... to my boss, no less.
Folks, without getting too graphic such as to earn a PG-13 rating, I've not ever even "experimented." I am really straight. Straight and narr---crap.
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Good Fences Make for Good Neighbors
Seriously, folks...
Rice Village has lost its freaking mind!
Even if you've never tried to eat or shop in this trendy four-block radius just outside Rice University, you've probably experienced something like it. Sparse parking filled to capacity, and every free spot you do find loudly declares "Ben and Jerry's parking ONLY" or "Reserved for Urban Outfitters, you Square," or "Fed Ex 3 minute parking hurry up" or "Good Neighbor Cleaners... WE TOW." (Creative license aside, I'm not kidding about that last one.)
It's a blessing to find a nice big open lot, and a joke to see a sign like this announcing that you should know the street address of Chloe's Project Runway winning boutique, Lot 6, or wherever it is you're trying to get to. Uhh... Bravo Lane? #1?
Rice Village has lost its freaking mind!
Even if you've never tried to eat or shop in this trendy four-block radius just outside Rice University, you've probably experienced something like it. Sparse parking filled to capacity, and every free spot you do find loudly declares "Ben and Jerry's parking ONLY" or "Reserved for Urban Outfitters, you Square," or "Fed Ex 3 minute parking hurry up" or "Good Neighbor Cleaners... WE TOW." (Creative license aside, I'm not kidding about that last one.)
It's a blessing to find a nice big open lot, and a joke to see a sign like this announcing that you should know the street address of Chloe's Project Runway winning boutique, Lot 6, or wherever it is you're trying to get to. Uhh... Bravo Lane? #1?
Stab Me in the Eye...
Illuminous!:
Adjustable:
Gay:
Purdy:
Crafty (-er than normal needles, I guess):
(in a former life, these needles were chopsticks)
Adjustable:
Gay:
Purdy:
Crafty (-er than normal needles, I guess):
(in a former life, these needles were chopsticks)
Monday, August 28, 2006
Grantor/Grantee
Most of the time, in my job, I am asking for money.
But today!!!--today I am giving away money! Ok, it's not my money--but for the upwards of twenty teachers who submitted their grant proposals for consideration at our Benefit Dinner, it's a chance for an easy thousand dollars to fund a much-needed classroom project.
Warm, fuzzy, easy, right?
So here are some things about grantmakers that I probably could have figured out, but didn't... until now:
1. Tell me what I want, how I want it. I asked you about specific information because that is the information I need to know. I would love to read your extraneous information, but I don't have time because there many applications in equal consideration to yours.
2. Don't make me do extra work. If you want $400 for books and $100 for t-shirts and $1,356 for bus fare... please total that up. Also, no ranges. The bottom line is, how much do you WANT?
3. Don't ask for more than the top limit.
4. Don't exceed the page limit.
5. If you ask questions in advance (and well before the due date), I am more likely to remember you in the stack of 25 proposals.
6. Please don't assume I know where you work or what you do, or what XYZZY stands for if you don't explain it to me.
7. On the other hand: I've been in your shoes before, and I know you can purchase Esperanza Rising cheaper from Scholastic than from Amazon.com. Show me you've done your research completely.
I list these items not to scold or make fun, but because today's exercise helped me understand just how swamped foundations get in the business of handing out money... and it's easy to understand how any of the above mistakes could get my organization lumped in the "forget about it" pile. I don't want to be in the "forget about it" pile. I want to be in the "send them bricks of solid gold" category.
But today!!!--today I am giving away money! Ok, it's not my money--but for the upwards of twenty teachers who submitted their grant proposals for consideration at our Benefit Dinner, it's a chance for an easy thousand dollars to fund a much-needed classroom project.
Warm, fuzzy, easy, right?
So here are some things about grantmakers that I probably could have figured out, but didn't... until now:
1. Tell me what I want, how I want it. I asked you about specific information because that is the information I need to know. I would love to read your extraneous information, but I don't have time because there many applications in equal consideration to yours.
2. Don't make me do extra work. If you want $400 for books and $100 for t-shirts and $1,356 for bus fare... please total that up. Also, no ranges. The bottom line is, how much do you WANT?
3. Don't ask for more than the top limit.
4. Don't exceed the page limit.
5. If you ask questions in advance (and well before the due date), I am more likely to remember you in the stack of 25 proposals.
6. Please don't assume I know where you work or what you do, or what XYZZY stands for if you don't explain it to me.
7. On the other hand: I've been in your shoes before, and I know you can purchase Esperanza Rising cheaper from Scholastic than from Amazon.com. Show me you've done your research completely.
I list these items not to scold or make fun, but because today's exercise helped me understand just how swamped foundations get in the business of handing out money... and it's easy to understand how any of the above mistakes could get my organization lumped in the "forget about it" pile. I don't want to be in the "forget about it" pile. I want to be in the "send them bricks of solid gold" category.
Sunday, August 27, 2006
Call Me
Isn't it lurvely?
It's skinny enough to fit in the smallest of evening bags, and I can still serendipitously snap a pic if Beyonce happens to be in the house.
This just in: Tim Gunn says purple is the new black. Say it ain't so, Tim!!
I almost, almost went for the T809 (which--by the way--would have been $200 at the cash register; I dunno where Amazon is getting that number) and all its slidey, mp3 rockin' goodness, but at the last minute--thanks to computer lag at the register--I found myself asking, "What's the return policy if I decide this is just too much phone for me?" and then realized that if I had to ask, minimal is better.
Back to the Emmys. I have to imagine that Hell is a neverending red carpet. Not that I would know... but I have a hunch.
Friday, August 25, 2006
Families Come in All Shapes and Sizes
Yesterday was a good day for procreation:
The first news came from a--person I know--(let's stay vague, here) letting me know that she and her husband are in the final stages of adopting a baby. Because I've never known anyone who has been through the adoption process, the "YOU'RE HAVING A BABY!@!!!" response went equally hand-in-hand with "You're what?? You're how?? Ok, back-up..."
Later that evening, a second--person--was a no show at a reunion dinner gathering, because at that particular moment, all signs were "go" for insemination. Again, "EEEEE!" + "Ok, I wanna know how this works..."
And somewhere in Tennessee, a woman is walking... walking... walking... go Debs! Get that baby OUT!
Margaret Atwood wrote:
"If mother-
hood is sacred, put
your money where your mouth is. Only
then can you expect the coming
down to the wrecked & shimmering earth
of that miracle you sing
about, the day
when every child is a holy birth."
Boys and girls, it is clear to me that "the wedding years" have passed their novelty, and "the baby years" are here to stay. They will come by stork, by test tube, by accident, on-purpose... but the babies are most definitely coming.
The first news came from a--person I know--(let's stay vague, here) letting me know that she and her husband are in the final stages of adopting a baby. Because I've never known anyone who has been through the adoption process, the "YOU'RE HAVING A BABY!@!!!" response went equally hand-in-hand with "You're what?? You're how?? Ok, back-up..."
Later that evening, a second--person--was a no show at a reunion dinner gathering, because at that particular moment, all signs were "go" for insemination. Again, "EEEEE!" + "Ok, I wanna know how this works..."
And somewhere in Tennessee, a woman is walking... walking... walking... go Debs! Get that baby OUT!
Margaret Atwood wrote:
"If mother-
hood is sacred, put
your money where your mouth is. Only
then can you expect the coming
down to the wrecked & shimmering earth
of that miracle you sing
about, the day
when every child is a holy birth."
Boys and girls, it is clear to me that "the wedding years" have passed their novelty, and "the baby years" are here to stay. They will come by stork, by test tube, by accident, on-purpose... but the babies are most definitely coming.
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Third Emmy!
Big congrats to the guy who taught me, among other things, that it is ok to use "I" and "you" in an essay. ("We have all these wonderful pronouns! Use them!")
He also played a crucial, yet indirect role in naming my cat.
He also played a crucial, yet indirect role in naming my cat.
Friday, August 18, 2006
History in the Making
Richard and I finally watched the Enron movie this week.
Today in our donor database I stumbled upon a gift of $10,000 in May 2001 by a certain top executive who passed away earlier this summer.
I marked him "deceased."
Notes say he was allergic to shellfish.
That is all the notes say.
What's not on your permanent record?
Today in our donor database I stumbled upon a gift of $10,000 in May 2001 by a certain top executive who passed away earlier this summer.
I marked him "deceased."
Notes say he was allergic to shellfish.
That is all the notes say.
What's not on your permanent record?
Thursday, August 17, 2006
Where are you going and where have you been?
I really don't find knitting relaxing or theraputic at all. I enjoy it, yes, in a must-finish-project-NOW sort of gogoGO vibe.
I pretend to watch TV while I'm knitting, but I don't really watch TV. I watch my fingers and I watch the yarn. Ideally, I'll listen to music... or maybe the unexplored territory of books on tape. Airports are great. Car trips are ok.
And god-forbid I accidentally drop a stitch or knit when I'm supposed to purl, because then my afternoon/evening is ruined. It takes me minutes to fix the undoing or wrong-doing that can happen in a second. If I can fix it at all.
The good news is, I don't really care about mistakes. As long as it isn't horribly misshappen and I can keep going, I will. Right?--that thing about including an imperfection because nothing is perfect except for God? Yessss. I like that thing.
This is a scarf. It is halfway finished. The stripy bits come from purposefully dropping stitches (perfect!), and the pattern is located here. The yarn is a variagated Noro Silk Garden in lovely shades of green, blue, khaki, purple and orange... but mostly green. Green green green.
Here's the last secret: I find knitting sort of boring. But then, I find most everything sort of boring. I can't remember the last time I jumped into a project--work or pleasure--with pure, unadulterated joy.
The projects exist, I am sure of it. But where? And how?
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Who wants to be my 403(b) benefactor?
First person to post a social security number wins the five percent of my income that I am investing in "agressive, socially-conscious" funds. Doesn't that sound awesome? GRRRR! Go funds, go! Beat up those other funds!
(No, really, don't post your social security number here. That's hella dangerous.)
p.s. I edited this post like four times after I hit publish. That's cheating, right?
(No, really, don't post your social security number here. That's hella dangerous.)
p.s. I edited this post like four times after I hit publish. That's cheating, right?
Sunday, August 13, 2006
Shower Vision
I find it increasingly difficult to monitor my activity in the shower, seeing as how it's such a prime "zone out" location. More and more these days, I find myself lathering up and instantly becoming lost in thought--so much so that when I come to, I couldn't tell you what exactly I was thinking about, how long I had been standing there, and whether or not I had washed and conditioned my hair.
I like to think that after 26 years, I wouldn't forget to, say, wash my underarms on a daily basis, but who can know for sure?
The fact that shower activity takes place before coffee surely contributes to the problem.
Does this happen to anyone else?
(If all goes right, you should be able to comment here now.)
I like to think that after 26 years, I wouldn't forget to, say, wash my underarms on a daily basis, but who can know for sure?
The fact that shower activity takes place before coffee surely contributes to the problem.
Does this happen to anyone else?
(If all goes right, you should be able to comment here now.)
Saturday, August 12, 2006
Oh, So You're Going to Be That Sort of Weekend...
Strike One: Friday evening, I managed to mail only one of two grant proposals that needed to get in the mailbox, prompted a return trip 15 minutes later for the second one. Plus--envelope #1 was having sort of glue issue, and I am not at all convinced my letter will get to its destination intact.
Strike Two: "Disc 6" of Deadwood is freaking special features!!! I was all geared up for two more episodes... and, no.
Strike Two-and-a-half: After repeated, yet sincere, whining to Richard about how I left my knitting bag (with work-in-progress) at work, I wake up and realize it's actually beside the bed. (This is only a half-strike, because now I don't have to make a special trip.)
Lankford Grocery, we're headed your way for some breakfast. No funny bizness, now. You're on very thin ice.
Strike Two: "Disc 6" of Deadwood is freaking special features!!! I was all geared up for two more episodes... and, no.
Strike Two-and-a-half: After repeated, yet sincere, whining to Richard about how I left my knitting bag (with work-in-progress) at work, I wake up and realize it's actually beside the bed. (This is only a half-strike, because now I don't have to make a special trip.)
Lankford Grocery, we're headed your way for some breakfast. No funny bizness, now. You're on very thin ice.
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
Muse
"Along Comes Mary" by The Association
"Auntie Mary" by Harry Belafonte
"Blind Mary" by Garnet Rogers
"Crazy Mary" by Victoria Williams, covered by Pearl Jam
"Cross-Eyed Mary" by Jethro Tull
"Help Me Mary" by Liz Phair
"Johnny And Mary" by Robert Palmer
"Just Before Mary Goes" by Universal Honey
"Mary" by Tori Amos
"Mary" by The 4 Of Us
"Mary" by Patty Griffin (ed. note: covered by Ben Harper)
"Mary" by Anne O'Meara Heaton
"Mary" by Sarah McLachlan
"Mary" by Oingo Boingo
"Mary" by Scissor Sisters
"Mary" by Sarah Slean
"Mary" by Supergrass
"Mary" by The Subways
"Mary Kay" by Jill Sobule
"Mary Loves the Flowers" by Rebecca Riots
"Mary Magdalene" by Patty Larkin
"Mary Makes Magic" by Harry Belafonte
"Mary, Mary" by Harry Belafonte
"Mary, Mary" by The Monkees (covered by Paul Butterfield Blues Band)
"Mary, Mary, So Contrary" by Can
"Mary Queen of Arkansas" by Bruce Springsteen
"Mary's Boy Child" by Harry Belafonte
"Mary's Place" by Bruce Springsteen
"Mary's in India" by Dido
"Mary Tyler Moore" by Barbara Kessler
"Mary Without Sound" by Motion City Soundtrack
"Creek Mary's Blood" By Nightwish
"Mo Mary" by Harry Belafonte
"Now Mary" by The White Stripes
"Poor Mary Lane" by Moxy Früvous
"Pretty Mary" by Trout Fishing in America
"Proud Mary" by Creedence Clearwater Revival (notable cover by Ike & Tina Turner)
"Soundtrack to Mary", by Soul Coughing
"Devilish Mary" by The Skillet Lickers
"Sweet Lady Mary" by The Faces
"Sweet Mary" by Wadsworth Mansion
"Take a Message to Mary" by The Everly Brothers
"The Mary Getaway" by The Working Title
"The Nancy & Mary Music" by Frank Zappa
"The Wind Cries Mary" by Jimi Hendrix
"Tom and Mary" by Ben Folds
"Marys of the Sea" by Tori Amos
"Mary Ann" by Alice Cooper
"Mary Ann" by Harry Belafonte
"Mary Ann" by Ray Charles
"Mary Anne" by Marshall Crenshaw
"Mary Anne with the Shaky Hand" by The Who
"Mary-Anne" by Sam Shaber
"Mary Ellen Makes The Moment Count" by a-ha
"Mary Hooley" by Phranc
"Last Dance With Mary Jane" by Tom Petty
"Mary Jane" by Rick James
"Mary Jane" by Alanis Morissette
"Mary Jane" by The Miracle Workers
"Mary Jane" by The Spin Doctors
"Mary Jane" by Tumbleweed
"What's the New Mary Jane" by The Beatles
"Mary Jean" by Marshall Crenshaw
"Hello, Mary Lou" by Gene Pitney (notable covers by Creedence Clearwater Revival, Ricky Nelson, The Statler Brothers)
"Mary Lee Jones" by Lindsey Buckingham
"Mary Lou" by Bob Seger
"Mary Long" by Deep Purple
"Mary Melody" by Mad Caddies
Find Your Song.
"Auntie Mary" by Harry Belafonte
"Blind Mary" by Garnet Rogers
"Crazy Mary" by Victoria Williams, covered by Pearl Jam
"Cross-Eyed Mary" by Jethro Tull
"Help Me Mary" by Liz Phair
"Johnny And Mary" by Robert Palmer
"Just Before Mary Goes" by Universal Honey
"Mary" by Tori Amos
"Mary" by The 4 Of Us
"Mary" by Patty Griffin (ed. note: covered by Ben Harper)
"Mary" by Anne O'Meara Heaton
"Mary" by Sarah McLachlan
"Mary" by Oingo Boingo
"Mary" by Scissor Sisters
"Mary" by Sarah Slean
"Mary" by Supergrass
"Mary" by The Subways
"Mary Kay" by Jill Sobule
"Mary Loves the Flowers" by Rebecca Riots
"Mary Magdalene" by Patty Larkin
"Mary Makes Magic" by Harry Belafonte
"Mary, Mary" by Harry Belafonte
"Mary, Mary" by The Monkees (covered by Paul Butterfield Blues Band)
"Mary, Mary, So Contrary" by Can
"Mary Queen of Arkansas" by Bruce Springsteen
"Mary's Boy Child" by Harry Belafonte
"Mary's Place" by Bruce Springsteen
"Mary's in India" by Dido
"Mary Tyler Moore" by Barbara Kessler
"Mary Without Sound" by Motion City Soundtrack
"Creek Mary's Blood" By Nightwish
"Mo Mary" by Harry Belafonte
"Now Mary" by The White Stripes
"Poor Mary Lane" by Moxy Früvous
"Pretty Mary" by Trout Fishing in America
"Proud Mary" by Creedence Clearwater Revival (notable cover by Ike & Tina Turner)
"Soundtrack to Mary", by Soul Coughing
"Devilish Mary" by The Skillet Lickers
"Sweet Lady Mary" by The Faces
"Sweet Mary" by Wadsworth Mansion
"Take a Message to Mary" by The Everly Brothers
"The Mary Getaway" by The Working Title
"The Nancy & Mary Music" by Frank Zappa
"The Wind Cries Mary" by Jimi Hendrix
"Tom and Mary" by Ben Folds
"Marys of the Sea" by Tori Amos
"Mary Ann" by Alice Cooper
"Mary Ann" by Harry Belafonte
"Mary Ann" by Ray Charles
"Mary Anne" by Marshall Crenshaw
"Mary Anne with the Shaky Hand" by The Who
"Mary-Anne" by Sam Shaber
"Mary Ellen Makes The Moment Count" by a-ha
"Mary Hooley" by Phranc
"Last Dance With Mary Jane" by Tom Petty
"Mary Jane" by Rick James
"Mary Jane" by Alanis Morissette
"Mary Jane" by The Miracle Workers
"Mary Jane" by The Spin Doctors
"Mary Jane" by Tumbleweed
"What's the New Mary Jane" by The Beatles
"Mary Jean" by Marshall Crenshaw
"Hello, Mary Lou" by Gene Pitney (notable covers by Creedence Clearwater Revival, Ricky Nelson, The Statler Brothers)
"Mary Lee Jones" by Lindsey Buckingham
"Mary Lou" by Bob Seger
"Mary Long" by Deep Purple
"Mary Melody" by Mad Caddies
Find Your Song.
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