Spots and Stripes

"If you think this looks ridiculous, try missing your flight" says the bus with the yellow polka-dots.

And I don't think much of it except that I am sitting in a bus with a piggy bank logo (Parking "Cents") waiting for some other passengers to get on the shuttle, and I watch a woman get on the polka-dot bus and then sort of emerge in a huff, and my shuttle driver starts chuckling.

After we leave the terminal (in the end it is just me and him) he explains that this particular parking company purchased two new lots, creatively named "Parking Spot 2" and "Parking Spot 3" -- and they all have different shuttles with similar themes: One bus is yellow with black spots, one is black with white spots, and as a result people get all confused and don't know what bus to take.

I'm chuckling along with him, because yeah, that is sort of funny -- they tried to stay branded and wound up pissing off all these customers -- and furthermore can you imagine the storage facility? It must look like some sort of Dr. Suess themepark.

And THEN he goes on to tell me how it is soooo hilarious, all the black and Chinese people get really confused, and I am sort of like "heh" and looking around for the hidden camera because this is starting to feel like a sort of "Parking Shuttle Confessional" show that people will watch at 2am and click their tongues and judge me because I'm not saying anything about his racist comment.

And THEN because I didn't say anything, he goes on to share a story about how 20 years ago when his daughter was an infant, he was held up by a black man who took his watch and $500 cash and held a gun up to his neck, and when the police brought in five suspects for him to pick out of a line up, how was he supposed to tell them apart? HAHAHA! They all have the same haircut and skin tone!

And I'm gesturing at the camera like "what the hell am I supposed to do -- I am two minutes from my car and I just want to get home and feed my cat and this man has me hostage on a bus and p.s. I woke up at five in the morning and p.p.s. what is wrong with you??" but instead I say something like, "Gosh, yeah, that sounds scary. And you had a baby too."

So anyway, when you see me on TV, that is how that all went down.