Leafing

When I have to leave your town, I prefer to do at 5am and drive all morning. I arrive at my office heavily caffed and on a mission. I do the usual Monday things and then I go home, exhausted, feeling like I've had a productive day, and go to bed early.

When you have to leave my town, I sit and I am sad. It is hard for me to do other things besides these. Not impossible, but difficult.

Is it hard to date someone so naturally gifted?

The latest issue of SPOT magazine has a quote about the "TXT Me L8r" show and how different participants responded to different prompts. They use the example "Say goodbye," citing cameraphone pictures of hands thrown in front of the camera, a bowl of miso soup, and rumpled pink sheets.

I discover this while sitting on the couch with Jason.

M: That's ME! Those are my sheets. I am quoted in an art magazine. My WORK is quoted in an art magazine. I have arrived.

J: Yeah, yeah, yeah. We know who wears the art pants in this relationship.

M: I am a cameraphone prodigy.

J: Yes.

M: Everything I photograph turns to gold.

J: Stoppit.


"Rumpled pink sheets"

My Tube

Featuring my cat and my monkeys.

No Really, What I Want For Xmas

-New AC Filter (and someone to help me change it)
-Guitar stand
-Mousepad
-New Pillows
-barrels and barrels of monkeys (for a decorating idea!)
-Grown-up hamper
-My So-Called Life DVD set
-iTunes gift certificates
-Kiehl's "Bright" Stuff
-New scratchy post for cat. Carpet and rope is good. As "classy" as these things can get...
-Subscriptions: McSweeney's, Readymade, or Film Movement
-SOCKS. Not cutsey. Thin "trouser socks" work-appropriate; knee-high
-My name spelled out in xmas cookies

-Gift certificates to attain any of the above!

BEST XMAS CARD EVER

Infovine has got it down. They know exactly what I want for Christmas.

I do not want cards with snowmen or reindeer or stars or ribbons.
I do not want cards with pictures of your children. (Yes I do.)



I want a card with my own name misspelled in Christmas cookies, please!

This holiday is shaping up to be ridiculously merry.

Awww...

There's nothing cuter than listening to NPR gush about the latest indie bands from Canada, Sweden, and those with animal fixations.

"Boilen tells All Things Considered host Michele Norris that he's also seeing more artists and fans fixated on animals, particularly bears. Panda Bear, Grizzly Bear, Giant Bear and Lucinda Black Bear are just a few."

Speaking of Canada, I am digging the new Stars album.

You can listen to my faves here:

SeeqPod Music beta - Playable Search

Sorry about that one with all the x00/s00/e00/w/ewre etc. It plays.
Isn't the internet great?

Hey, Teacher

You need to watch Chalk immediately.

Lies, all of it:

Cursing at students

Debating over signing a contract

New year, big expectations

Kids that blow you away

Kids that just want you, above all, to chill the eff out

I do not know what they are talking about.

Point Breaker

Scene: Monday night, 12am, fridge goes out...

M: Hey, I'm sorry to call you so late. I need you to walk me through the breakers again. I tried what I did last time and it isn't working--they all say "on."

J: Ok, you're looking for one that's in the middle. It might not say off, but it won't be lined up like the rest of them.

M: Yeah... nothing. There's one that doesn't say anything. Here, I'll flick it again.

::walk walk walk::

M: Nothing.

J: Can you wiggle the fridge out? What happens if you plug something else in?

M: Ok... hang on. Yeah, lamp's not working. Wait--lamp's not working in its usual place, either. But it works over by the table.

::more walking and flicking ensues::

M: So, I guess there's nothing else I can do. That sucks. I'm sorry. I'll deal with it in the morning.

J: I feel like I've failed you.

M: You're fine, I'm just frustrated because I don't want to lose all that frozen food.

J: ...

M: I love you, sleep well.

::5 minutes go by::

J: Hey, I thought of something.

M: ?

J: That outlet where the lamp plugs in by the sink... are there buttons on it?

M: There's a--ohhhhh shizzz... look at that.

J: ?

M: It's working. All I had to do was push the stupid red button.

J: As soon as you said lamp, I kept trying to picture that outlet. Most outlets near a water source, like in the kitchen or the bathroom, are supposed to have that safety. I guess yours controls the fridge.

M: You're a freaking genius. Go back to bed.

...

So, now we know how to fix the disposal and how to fix the breakers. My services are available for hire. I just wish my landlord would give me a "never calls at midnight about the #@$@$%! breaker" discount.

Asylum for Abused Cuddly Stuffed Toys

Jason has this praying bunny that his dad picked up secondhand as a dog toy. It's sort of creepy and raspy and scares the heck out of me whenever his dog starts playing with it.

We laugh, but I definitely felt bad after playing this cute little game where you play a psychologist responsible for administering to abused stuffed animals. It's written in Flash, so there's nothing to download, and the stories--as they unfold--play more like a narrative than what you might consider a game. My favorites are the sheep and the snake.

The Aslylum

Here's a hint if you get stuck: there's something under the bed, and while it may seem cruel, you have to use it for one of the patients.

Alternative Whale Names We Wish Greenpeace Would Consider

Don't get me wrong, we're very happy with Mister Splashy Pants.

Other Top Contenders, McSweeney's Style:

"Plankton Destroyer"

"Fucking Eats Biblical Figures Whole"

"Harpoon"

"Sashimi"

"Who You Callin' Blubber?"

"Ishmael"

MLS or house?

Which would you invest your money in?

That's a masters of library science, or a house in Houston, for those just tuning in. Here are a few more pieces of information to help your decision: 1. I am very, very good at school; 2. I really like books and databases a whole lot; 3. I am tired of renting, and houses in the East End go for just over $100k.

Lana, I wish you were here. How do we feel about home-owning?

Go!

Road Trips, Brit-Brit Style

Before the long drive home, I fueled up on gas and diet coke predicting "holiday" traffic. To my dismay, the diet coke and the pre-trip coffee necessitated bathroom stop #1 in "Italy"--which worked out ok, because I picked up a gingerbread latte.

Stop #2: Taco Bell, somewhere near Buffalo.

Stop #3: "Rest stop" before Huntsville, in the middle of 20mph stoppage.

Trip total: five hours, 23 minutes. I passed a few smashed up vehicles, and was thankful not be be riding in any of them. The sun came out in The Woodlands, briefly, before setting. The iTrip worked on this leg, which is to its advantage because I was about to return the thing along with my $200 "investment" after it crapped out on the journey up.

This may be a stereotype, but I find that the trucks advising me to "support our troops" are the ones most willing to risk an intimate encounter with my bumper during high-speed travel. I would like to gently remind them to support the two second rule. Three is even better.

I hope you and yours had a very Britney Snacksgiving, as well.

Jan Svankmajer

This guy is amazing:

(Minute 6:00 through the end not entirely safe for work, in a hilarious nudie claymation sort of way.)



This piece reminds me a bit of this guy:


Naked people!

More videos.

Modern Romance

me: hey--go to itunes
and listen to
"i can't feel my hands any more"
right now!!!
with me
and then, hold mah hand.
...

Jason: hey!
ima doing it! hold on.

me: :)
you can have one of my ear buds

Jason: BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.
i am going to die.

me: O--|< O--|<|
that is you and me
lyin' in a park
{p--------------[ ]------------------p}
sharin' buds
that's the pod and our ears

Jason: dang, you beat me to it.

me: (p-----------[i]--------------p)

Jason: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
holy cow, man.

me: don't say anything for a sec
O--|<
O--|<|
better!

Jason: is that you with the skateboard?

me: i am wearing a skirt

Jason: :)
O--|>=
whoops!
i just made you flash some people walking out of the menil bookstore.

Things I Like, That Are Green

1. My new purse. (Much sexier than pictured.) It is soooo great. I have been looking for a new purse, unsuccessfully, for months. I was just about ready to enlist help and spend upwards of $100 when there it was--staring at me at the thrift store behind the counter--for a tenth of the price. No bows or frills or stupid buckles, just smooth crisp leather with interesting detailing. It is a "Strada." It transports my laptop, wallet, keys, cell phone, cosmetics, the works. It is totally me.

2. Celerey. It is both lo-cal and hydrating. And cheap. And I can dip it in stuff. And I like the crunch. Yay celerey!

3. Olives. They look pretty in a martini, or as a pre-dinner snack. And I think Greece is pretty cool. Also, I was totally anti-olive until a few years ago, and now I hear people say, "I don't like olives" and I think, "That's crazy talk!"